Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Jealousy?

  1. #1

    Jealousy?

    Hi, was just wondering if Iím crazy or not about this. Iím a 21 year old guy and Iíve been dating a girl, same age, for a long time now. Neither of us go out much so this has never been an issue till now. Some friends of mine from work invited me out to have a drink at a bar together. I think the issue my girlfriend is having is that I work with mostly women. The thing is, weíre talking about middle aged women married with kids here. The only girl close to my age is 26, and sheís a lesbian in a relationship. So itís not as though there would be anything else going on with these women. If she goes out with friends all I say is ďhave fun, be safe, love you, etcĒ. But I mention going out with friends from work and she goes off on me about it. When I confront her about it, she tells me her problem is that I told her Iíd never go out to a bar because itís not my scene. Which is true, but I want to try new things. Iíve never been out to a bar with friends before. She says sheís worried about me getting drunk and doing or saying something I shouldnít. Iíve never given her any reason to doubt me or believe Iíve been unfaithful. Now sheís saying she canít trust me to keep my word, that I refuse to see her point of view, that I donít care about her feelings and how would I like it if she went out and got drunk with a bunch of guys. The truth is, if she did that I wouldnít mind because I trust her and donít think she would ever cheat on me. So she says she doesnít want to talk to me and that sheís gonna go find people to go clubbing with since Iím doing ďwhatever I want anyway.Ē Sorry for the long post, I just didnít want to leave anything out here. I wanted to see if anyone had any advice/input! Thanks in advance!

    Edit: P.S. - I handle alcohol completely fine btw, Iím not an idiot when Iím drunk. And Iíd be having a beer or two at most.
    Last edited by Anonymous86; 10-01-2019 at 03:36 PM. Reason: More to add

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    NY
    Age
    59
    Posts
    436
    Gender
    Male
    I'd say she is acting pretty childish, but then again, 21 isn't very old.

    Don't allow anyone to control you like this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,816
    Gender
    Female
    Sorry, but this isn't going to get any better. If you're lucky she might learn to tolerate it, but is that what you want? It sounds as if you'd like a partner that is secure, mature and trusting as you are.

    So she says she doesnít want to talk to me and that sheís gonna go find people to go clubbing with since Iím doing ďwhatever I want anyway.Ē I'd tell her to have fun.

    Don't take the bait and if she threatens to end the relationship rather than talk it through like an adult, I'd hold her to her threat.

  4. #4
    I understand some people get jealous when their significant other has friends of the opposite gender, but I didnít think we had that issue. And exactly, weíre pretty young, started dating in high school. If this is a problem now itís scary to think about the future. Thank you for your input , I appreciate it

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,591
    Gender
    Male
    Ok she's getting insecure that you are both growing and becoming more individualized. Of course it's normal after dating too young for too long. She is trying to hold back the hands of time. Don't defend yourself, your integrity, your freedom, etc. What you can do is set yourselves free so you can both experience new things and both grow and change...as you should. At this point you're just holding each other back from maturing for the sake of security and complacency.
    Originally Posted by Anonymous86
    Iím a 21 year old guy and Iíve been dating a girl, same age, for a long time now.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    203
    Gender
    Female
    Remind her that what's good for the goose is good for the gander & that since you are a loyal guy, she needs to cut you some slack. She also needs to judge you based on YOUR actions, not HER fears.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,265
    Gender
    Female
    I think she's being ridiculous and far too controlling. Dont let her push you around. I agree you started dating too young and have been together too long and now that you are growing and maturing of course you want to try new things. Such paranoia about going to the bar with older colleagues is just over the top. I'd tell her to get over herself.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    3,033
    Gender
    Female
    You're not going to like what I'm about to say but it's one or both of these things:

    1) she doesn't trust your judgment overall (the scales are tipping to one side because you're not trustworthy or you've given her reason to believe you're way too impressionable and naive or just plain clueless at times)
    2) she has trust issues in general and has been scarred or still carries a chip over her shoulder (she's largely insecure about herself as a person)

    Most of the time when partners exhibit issues of this nature it's a combination of the two. Go back over the relationship and think about any times you may have come across as a bit daft or naive without intending to. There are distrustful people by nature so take it all with a grain of salt.

    Her reaction is a bit pushy and controlling only because she's continued on a bit of a soapbox about it. Most people would probably quietly wonder what you're up to and why you'd even want to hang around some boring older peeps at a bar where the only non-oldie is a conspicuous and self-described lesbian. I mean... what are you thinking? Surely you can't be so hard up for company or a night out.

    I think she's a bit half-hearted about her argument and has lashed out about wanting to go out with a random group of her own friends. It's because deep down she has no idea what you're doing and neither do you.

  10. #9
    I appreciate everyoneís input on the subject, I really do. Itís nice to have some unbiased opinions on the subject. Whenever we argue about something and I feel Iím even a little bit in the wrong, I try to reevaluate my entire perspective. But this time I just canít see whatís wrong with what I wanted to do. Thank you to everyone who stopped to chime in, I do appreciate it

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,265
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Anonymous86
    I appreciate everyoneís input on the subject, I really do. Itís nice to have some unbiased opinions on the subject. Whenever we argue about something and I feel Iím even a little bit in the wrong, I try to reevaluate my entire perspective. But this time I just canít see whatís wrong with what I wanted to do. Thank you to everyone who stopped to chime in, I do appreciate it
    You cant figure out what's wrong because NOTHING is wrong with what you want to do!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •