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Thread: I messed up

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's great you forced his hand and finally confronted him. And it's done. You'll have a lot less nail-biting now that his vagueness is gone.

  2. #22
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    Thank you all very much for the advice, words of wisdom and support. My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"
    Hmm I don't think I want to wait it out plus I was packed.
    I will go through it. We had plans for Christmas to go away and it is a pity but so be it.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Lose that friend too - free advice😉
    Originally Posted by irka000
    My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"

  4. #24
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"
    Your friend has some serious low self esteem if this is how she views this.
    But you got that, right?
    You on the other hand believe you deserve better. . or at least you are coming to terms with that idea.

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  6. #25
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    Wiseman, that made me laugh ! Thank you. Reinvent, I sure know and normally when I was concerned about something with him, I was at panick mode. Couldnt breathe properly. Surprsingly, I am calm.
    I know that he won't get what happened as in his eyes it's nothing wrong keeping in touch with a friend. She lives in another country now so no physical intimacy.
    So what the hell is my issue?
    He talks more with her than with me ? So what ? Forgets to call me back but doesn't forget to contact her ? No Biggie ....
    I remember he said " I thought you said you aren't a jealous person "?
    Eh ...I will leave them be.
    Mamy thanks to All.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Thank you all very much for the advice, words of wisdom and support. My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"
    Hmm I don't think I want to wait it out plus I was packed.
    I will go through it. We had plans for Christmas to go away and it is a pity but so be it.
    Reminds me of a formerly good friend who advised me to marry the man I wasn't that into "just get married, have a baby then divorce him!" Ironically she was head over heels with her husband - I never cared for him -seemed like a hostile person and had some shady practices with other women -anyway - fairytale wedding, two kids, she cheated on him and he cheated on her, ended in divorce. Some friends do give amazing advice but no I would not settle for a man who thinks it's ok to flake on you/be unreliable but has time to chat up other women. No thanks.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Thank you all very much for the advice, words of wisdom and support. My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"
    Hmm I don't think I want to wait it out plus I was packed.
    I will go through it. We had plans for Christmas to go away and it is a pity but so be it.
    Good grief.....with friends like that who needs enemies. Your friend has some serious issues. Sorry.

    Irka, it sounds like you really really need to take stock of your life and the kind of people in it. There are plenty of cheaters, but guess what.....there are even more people like you - caring, loyal, giving, empathetic, fun, open, etc., etc. etc. Find them because that's where you belong, among your own kind. Life will be easier for you that way and so much less confusing and painful.

    Quite frankly, I bet that in a few days you'll feel like a dark cloud just lifted off your head. Complete relief at not having to deal and fret about all the lies and being treated like dirt.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Wiseman, that made me laugh ! Thank you. Reinvent, I sure know and normally when I was concerned about something with him, I was at panick mode. Couldnt breathe properly. Surprsingly, I am calm.
    I know that he won't get what happened as in his eyes it's nothing wrong keeping in touch with a friend. She lives in another country now so no physical intimacy.
    So what the hell is my issue?
    He talks more with her than with me ? So what ? Forgets to call me back but doesn't forget to contact her ? No Biggie ....
    I remember he said " I thought you said you aren't a jealous person "?
    Eh ...I will leave them be.
    Mamy thanks to All.
    You know why the term Significant Other - because you are supposed to be more significant than all others in his eyes. The #1, the priority. People in healthy relationships operate on this principle. The right guy will not be too busy chatting with some chic to the point where he forgets to get back to you about important details that you need for the following day no less. He treated you and has been treating you for a long long long time as the insignificant other and THAT is why you needed to dump him for good. He showed you where you rank in his life, believe him and believe you deserve better and go get it when ready.

    Oh....and the quip about you not being the jealous type.....talk about gaslighting...truly classic....if you call out his shady af behavior he'll just call you jealous or unreasonable, anything to detract from what HE is doing. Note how he is taking zero responsibility for this.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    My friend said " are you crazy ? He is good guy, come on, all men flirt and entertain other women for attention until they will get caught. I am sure he will stop now as it will not longer be forbidden fruit"
    Let me guess, your friend is the type who stays with cheaters? Don't take advice from people with such glaringly low self-esteem.

  11. #30
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    My friend has the best intentions but I guess one can say she has been through a lot. She focuses on positives in people. According to her men like attention from women and until caught, they may have inappropriately.
    I am concerned that he may accused me for being horrible, inconsiderate and insensitive to his circumstances. He is still grieving and soon will be the funeral. What human being does turn his back on his partner ( even in rocky times) during such difficult times?
    Not sure how to handle this.
    I also know in his opinion nothing really happened. I overacted with my insecurities and jealousy.

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