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Thread: I feel sick and disturbed

  1. #1

    I feel sick and disturbed

    I'm a 17 year old high school student and I've been with my 16 year old girlfriend for close to 15 months now. We both discovered we shared a passion for the furry fandom thing you may have heard about, if you haven't it's so much easier to Google than it is for me to explain (this is an important detail that will come into play later). I've never been so in love, and we've been talking about what we want to do after high school for quite a while now.

    Well just today we were talking about homecoming and things started getting a little bit deep. One thing led to another and we found overselves talking about children. Well during our conversation she said something to me that was very off putting (this is where the furry thing is important). She told me she wants to have a half human-cat hybrid kid. I knew she was a little bit weird, but I thought her quirkiness was kinda cute, this however was just so disturbing to me and things only got worse.

    I tried to continue our conversation about children and how I really want to be a dad, but she said one of the most disturbing things I think I have ever heard in my life; she told me that she doesn't trust herself around children, and when I asked her to elaborate she told me that she hates them and that she's worried that she would get on edge and KILL them. So at this point I was just lost for words and I just felt sick to my stomach. She told me that sometimes she thinks she should get therapy for her issues and I flat out told her I think that she really does have problems to sort out. I think she could tell that I was pretty shocked and disturbed, so she told me she probably wouldn't actually kill them and then went on to tell me that she can't stand babies and doesn't want to bring a child into this world just to suffer.

    So uh yeah this puts me in a really difficult spot. She really means a lot to me and I thought she was the one for me to spend my life with, but I just can't get passed that. I'm very worried about her mental health, she told me that she's into masochism and bondage and just really violent sexual fantasies like being ripped apart. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time; I'm a pretty accepting guy and admitedly I have some of my own oddbal sexual interest (mine however are far more tame than this), but combining what she just told me today with her fantasies she's told me about I almost feel like my own life could be in danger if her mental health were to slip any further. I really do love her and care about her a lot, and while I don't exactly want to change her, she definetly needs help and I hope that she can get better.

    Even without the mental health issues she's dealing with, I feel like her being so firmly against having children is a deal breaker for me. My dad is just such an amazing guy and I owe him so much. I have so many happy memories I associate with my dad like working on cars in the garage, watching movies, going snowmobling, fishing, playing catch and I really want to have that same relationship with someone. My parents would always go to everything I did. They were at all of my T ball games in preschool, the went to all of my soccer games in elementary school, and even now in high school even with their busy schedules they still make every effort they can to go to all of my track and cross country meets, and I really want to be a part of something like this.

    I don't care if I have a son or daughter, I just know that I would love them either way and as much as I do love my girlfriend I just feel like there would be a hole in my life that I would forever regret.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If she said she would kill people never mind defenceless people she’s got some serious screws loose.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    She's got some really serious problems, do her parents know about her bizarre thoughts? If not, someone needs to tell them but I'm not sure you are that person.

    The good thing here is you are 17 and she's 16 and the odds of her being The One for you are slim to nil. I know you think you are in love, you want to be with her etc. but you are both minors, not grown yet, much maturing to do first. Your own brain isnt fully mature til you are age 25 so you have a long way to go. Her brain, if it's actually normal, will mature before yours. Does she know her thought processes are off base? Does she think she has a problem? She needs serious help you are not able to give her. She should be asking her parents to take her to her doctor.

  4. #4
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    Date her for now but come University time it'll be time to break up she does have issues.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You are very young, you don't need to be thinking about marriage or children right this second. Live your life, enjoy the freedom. It will go by very fast.

    As for this girl in particular, she has some very serious mental issues and she should not ever, EVER be allowed around children.She has some incredibly disturbing thoughts and truth be told, she needs to be evaluated and to start getting help before she hurts someone.

    If you want to remain friends with her, that's your call. But you should be smart enough to figure out that she is not dating material and most definitely not marriage material.

    She's a sick girl and how she talks about children made me sick to my stomach.

  7. #6
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    I hate to break it to you, man, but the likelihood that you will wind up with this girl forever and have children with her are incredibly slim, even without the disturbing thoughts coming from her. Most teenage relationships eventually come to an end as people grow up and their lives move in different directions.

    She is a troubled kid who needs help. Not the sort of help you can provide, either. I know you are very fond of her, but you are right to be concerned. She is expressing some very dark thoughts.

    Where are her parents? What sort of home life does she have?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you're trolling. However she sounds like a very little kid who is trying to get attention by shocking people with outrageous remarks. You need to dump her.
    Originally Posted by DodgeDude
    She told me she wants to have a half human-cat hybrid kid. I almost feel like my own life could be in danger if her mental health were to slip any further.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    End the relationship peacefully and don't talk about kids or marriage again with this person. Even if she is wanting attention, that's a screwed up away of looking for it. Most teens that age are hormonal (both young men and women) but it's called having a filter and knowing right from wrong. Leave her alone. It's not your business either saving anyone or making sure she gets help. Mind your own business and don't let your grades slip.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Hey OP,

    I believe fantasies can be good things (mostly) and help us maintain our emotional health.

    However, her comment about children is extremely worrisome. Yes ideally it's important to accept people as they are when you love them. However, not all traits have practical applications for a lifelong partnership/ relationship. Meaning, if it is your goal to be married with children one day - and that seems to be the case - then you should move on from this young lady. I believe she has various emotional and possible PTSD-related issues.

    Parenthood is the most difficult and rewarding thing a person can do. It is hard even when both parents are of sound mind. Your GF is already warning you that she has less-than-desirable emotions and thoughts regarding children. Wanting marriage and children with her would be irresponsible on your part because you have been warned.

    I don't mean to sound so cold about it. I understand how pure and engrossing young love can be. But the reality is in this world, is that you must pick and choose the mother of your children wisely. Her issues will become their issues. If she has mixed or negative feelings about children, it will surely affect your children and they will deal with different kinds of emotional trauma all their life. Take it from me; my siblings and I are gearing toward middle age with grown kids of our own, and we're still dealing with issues from our mother.

    I'm really glad you have great memories with your dad. Those are precious. Please, choose a young lady who has a healthy view of family and children. Good luck with everything.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Oh I also wanna say...

    I think she could tell that I was pretty shocked and disturbed, so she told me she probably wouldn't actually kill them and then went on to tell me that she can't stand babies and doesn't want to bring a child into this world just to suffer.
    Be on the lookout for her backpedaling like this even more. I don't think she should be punished eternally for saying one thing, but the fact of the matter is she has these extremely unhealthy thoughts. I mean... "probably wouldn't actually kill them"? Oy.

    Don't accept a "just kidding" or "no i'm okay now really I promise." She needs professional help from a therapist, not from her boyfriend. And I know you may not want to hear it but you are young and a great catch for someone else.

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