Jump to content

A vent..... please for the love of....


Seraphim

Recommended Posts

For those of us who have an actual mental heath diagnosis actually diagnosed by a medical doctor or psychiatrist .... it is very distressing to see a lot of armchair psychiatry . And asking people to diagnose somebody over the Internet that they’ve never even talked to in their life... 😳 REALLY? Not every second person and their dog has a mental health diagnosis. The. End. Those of us who do suffer enough stigma without people adding to it.

 

Not everybody needs a mental health diagnosis some people are just jerks. Period.

Link to comment
For those of us who have an actual mental heath diagnosis actually diagnosed by a medical doctor or psychiatrist .... it is very distressing to see a lot of armchair psychiatry . And asking people to diagnose somebody over the Internet that they’ve never even talked to in their life... 😳 REALLY? Not every second person and their dog has a mental health diagnosis. The. End. Those of us who do suffer enough stigma without people adding to it.

 

Not everybody needs a mental health diagnosis some people are just jerks. Period.

 

110% agree.

 

Someone deciding they don't want to be with you (the general "you") doesn't mean they are mentally ill or have a personality disorder. Someone being a selfish jerk doesn't mean they are a "narcissist" or "depressed" or are bipolar or have BPD. Sometimes a selfish jerk is just that.

 

And that whole "but I Googled it and he fits the description perfectly!!!" Or my personal fave, "I told my therapist about her and my therapist said she's probably bipolar!!!" Quacks.

 

I especially love it when a long post about their allegedly "narcissistic" or "bipolar" or "depressed" ex, including a detailed list of the awful things they did, is followed up with "How do I get him/her back???"

 

Mental illness and personality disorders are real things that real people are diagnosed with and suffer from. To decide one's ex must be one of those things because they dumped you or cheated on you or is acting mean trivializes those with actual diagnoses.

Link to comment
For those of us who have an actual mental heath diagnosis actually diagnosed by a medical doctor or psychiatrist .... it is very distressing to see a lot of armchair psychiatry . And asking people to diagnose somebody over the Internet that they’ve never even talked to in their life... 😳 REALLY? Not every second person and their dog has a mental health diagnosis. The. End. Those of us who do suffer enough stigma without people adding to it.

 

Not everybody needs a mental health diagnosis some people are just jerks. Period.

 

Yep - agree totally! It's actually depressingly common on here to see people 'diagnose' others, based on a description they may have read on the internet, but without any direct experience of how the symptoms actually present in real life. I've mentioned on a few posts that the description issued did not suggest bipolar/schizophrenia/insert mental illness of your choice here, but couldn't bring myself to engage in the argument that followed.

 

And, of course, the only way to meaningful personal growth is to focus on your own issues, not those of other people...

Link to comment

I do understand if it's an individual who is looking for understanding and validation for his/her own symptoms where perhaps psychiatric help or help in general is not so readily available. An attempt to diagnose a third party (a disgruntled spouse/partner attempting to diagnose an ex) remotely through the internet is just shooting yourself in the foot. I think we're exposing a whole other type of imbalance there. Sorry - I have to be honest. It's beyond wacky.

 

I have no connections to mental illness and don't have anyone close to me who suffers from it. I would imagine that it's disrespectful. Perhaps some need it for validation and to be heard (to be a voice among other voices, so to speak) or strength in numbers and to form a support network. I think this is all valid but it's not ok to attempt to diagnose a third party who is not even a member of this forum. I'm all for support and awareness for individuals who have mental illness or any other disability (any differences of any kind) but not the third party kind. I WANT to hear from different perspectives but not if it's labeling someone who is not even here to see what's being said about him/her.

Link to comment
Yep - agree totally! It's actually depressingly common on here to see people 'diagnose' others, based on a description they may have read on the internet, but without any direct experience of how the symptoms actually present in real life. I've mentioned on a few posts that the description issued did not suggest bipolar/schizophrenia/insert mental illness of your choice here, but couldn't bring myself to engage in the argument that followed.

 

And, of course, the only way to meaningful personal growth is to focus on your own issues, not those of other people...

 

But these people are looking for reasons to stay, not leave. Changing themselves could result in realizing it's better to leave the relationship, which is the opposite of what they want.

 

And really, it's kind of condescending for someone to "diagnose" someone else and decide that because of their "illness" they need them to stay and "help" them. They decide the other person can't possibly survive without them!

 

One of my friends decided her serial cheater husband was "depressed" and she actually said "I can't leave him!! How can I leave a man who's HURTING???!!!" Yeah, I'm sure he was in terrible pain while he was sticking his thingy into all those other women.

Link to comment

Agreed.

 

It's distressing. My pocket theory is that it does come from a positive social development: an increased collective awareness of mental health. That part is good. Not good is rush for comfort in a diagnosis—which does not just occur on the internet, but sadly in the offices of doctors as well.

 

To step momentarily onto a soapbox—and with nothing but respect and hugs to those suffering—I think that collectively we have kind of forgotten that pain and discomfort are part of life. Being broken up with sucks, as does loving a jerk. But these are things human beings have been doing for millennia. It's part of our pathology, as a species, as much as it is our individual pathology. If we found some way to celebrate pain and discomfort, or at least think of it as part of life instead of an ailment, alongside a greater awareness of real mental health issues, I think we'd be in much better shape.

 

But, alas, that's maybe a pipe dream. The internet is there for all of us, providing easy explanations for both complex problems and overcomplicating simple ones. Sigh. Feel you, Sera.

Link to comment

Bless this post.

 

I tend to be pretty vocal when it comes to this subject. Which I’m sure makes me come off as cold, but it’s such unhealthy way of thinking. I truly hate to see it. On top of it as you said Sera, it’s incredibly insulting to those who truly have mental illnesses often because they are dismissed with such broad strokes that they come off as individuals who double as Disney villains...

 

On the surface, ironically, the very idea that someone must have a mental disorder to treat one bad is in itself a narcissist way of thinking.

 

It’s obviously much deeper than that though, I think for many it’s a coping mechanism. And I do see the temporary benefit of attempting to move on by villainizing ones ex, but with the invention of the internet it’s auch a slippery slope into a dark hole that can be very hard to get out.

 

I often reference Quora and their community or as I call it a circle jerk full of experts, they literally give themselves titles as survivor of narcissistic abuse, expert on subject since 2004 and they rehash and rehash and rehash every single detail, from their point of view, their relationship, daily, they call themselves warriors and the poor souls who dare to question are chastised and attacked and called narcissists, I wouldn’t date post my opinions, I just read in fascination because it is fascinating to me. What our minds will do, how far we will go to soothe our egos, to be able to accept a perception of reality. It’s much easier than facing the fact that by constantly discussing a long gone ex because you ‘have’ to as a survivor is just a convenient way to keep them in your mind, what better excuse than their abusive was so perverse that you have no choice but to still talk about it years later. Or as another poster pointed out you have no choice but to stay, you have a duty, their sick after all...

 

I don’t think it’s purposeful, again, I just think it’s a way we cope and honestly unlike blue I don’t think it’s an embrace of mental health but rather the opposite, I think even though we are more aware, mental health is still seen as shameful as something to be pitied, it’s villainized and not really understood, we’re guilty of it even on this board, myself included.

Link to comment

It's often disgruntled first time posters calling their exes narcissists, borderlines, psychos, sociopaths, depressed, etc etc etc. Nothing you can do about that, except put them on the ignore list. No one is diagnosing anything. It's upset people who have broken up calling their exes names often in the format of a rhetorical questions "is my ex a narcissist, bpd, etc., etc. etc". It's not about mental health.

And asking people to diagnose somebody over the Internet that they’ve never even talked to in their life.
Link to comment
It's often disgruntled first time posters calling their exes narcissists, borderlines, psychos, sociopaths, depressed, etc etc etc. Nothing you can do about that, except put them on the ignore list. No one is diagnosing anything. It's upset people who have broken up calling their exes names often in the format of a rhetorical questions "is my ex a narcissist, bpd, etc., etc. etc". It's not about mental health.

 

It makes light of mental health issues.

Link to comment
Next time someone starts a thread with "Is my ex a ...(fill in the trendy terms used)..." respond and tell them this.

 

I don’t have time for that. I work 12 hours a day. I don’t have time for policing everybody’s threads nor putting everybody t’s me off on ignore. Hence my own personal statement.

Link to comment

Neither does anyone else. That's what the ignore feature is for or simply don't read/respond/react to those hyperbolic types of threads. Keep in mind, a lot of teens, college kids and people from all over post here. Don't pay that much attention or take it personally. They read this crap on the internet and think they sound smart. Ignore it.

I don’t have time for that. I work 12 hours a day. I don’t have time for policing everybody’s threads nor putting everybody t’s me off on ignore. Hence my own personal statement.
Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...