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Thread: On the verge of losing it all..

  1. #1

    On the verge of losing it all..

    My girlfriend of 3.5 years just went abroad on a whim for a few months. I was at a drinking celebration with friends this past weekend and I blacked out. The next day my friends said that I made out with a girl at the bar. I have no memory of this at all and I have no idea what to do. My girlfriend is everything to me and without her I will lose it all. I havenít told her yet because I think thatís something to do more in person right? Or should I just not tell her and try to cope with my guilt? Or do I call her and let her have her few months in Europe? Or should I not wreck her trip by dropping this on her?

    I would do anything to keep her. This has never happened to me or her and honestly has never crossed either of our minds because we are very much in love. I have things planned with her family members during the course of these few months and everything too. Iím just lost right now. I am the type of person that hates cheating and cheaters. Now I have become that of which I hate most. I do not remember even 1 second of this so in a way a feel like it didnít happen. But, it clearly must have.

    Can anyone help me?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MarcusLong

    Can anyone help me?

    You can help yourself... don't drink so much, blacking out is not a desirable trait.
    My ex did this, it's not pleasant. And the first time she did in front of me she had every excuse under the sun, as well as"this was the first time". It wasn't, and it continued. She is now my ex.

  3. #3
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    What is a "drinking celebration"?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You might want to verify that info first if you can. Are you sure your friends aren't pranking you?

    I always put myself in the place of the other person receiving the information. If your gf is the type of person not to want to hear those things or deal with things while she's out traveling, then keep it to yourself and tell her when she's back. Personally for me it would add fuel to fire if I was told much later (or the info was prolonged or kept from me). I'm not a pleasant person when information is withheld. It depends what your gf is like. The general rule is to be as honest as possible.

    Regarding 'losing it all' try not to have such a doom and gloom attitude. It's self-sabotaging and doesn't do anything for you especially when you can't change anything. Treat it like this: you're both equal partners and you can make decisions independently. Respect her enough to know when she doesn't want to be with you and she has to respect you too for your choice in friends and outtings. Don't be so afraid to let go of situations that become unhealthy or aren't good for you. Loss is relative and you can overcome it if the relationship does end.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She doesn't need to know about this. You may want to reconsider whether long distances work for you or if you want to be tied down. It sounds like you want to sabotage the relationship or at least her trip. She as well may be having a good time you know nothing about.
    Originally Posted by MarcusLong
    My girlfriend of 3.5 years just went abroad on a whim for a few months.
    my friends said that I made out with a girl at the bar.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Are you sure your friends aren't simply messing with you? You are being quite dramatic while in reality you have no clue if this is even true or not. Maybe calm down a bit first. It might help you get some better perspective on this.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think the first thing would be to find out for sure 100% if you actually did make out with this girl. You say you have zero memory so maybe your friends are tricking you, playing mind games with you.

    If you can find out for sure that you did this, I would not tell the gf at least until she comes back from her trip, if ever.

  9. #8
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    Like the others have suggested, I would first try to establish whether this is even true.

    What was the last thing you remember about the night? How did your friends bring this up to you?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I think the first thing would be to find out for sure 100% if you actually did make out with this girl. You say you have zero memory so maybe your friends are tricking you, playing mind games with you.

    If you can find out for sure that you did this, I would not tell the gf at least until she comes back from her trip, if ever.
    Agree totally. This does sound like the sort of thing drinking friends would do!

    Speaking personally, I'd forget it ever happened. The 'revelation' from your friends, that is. ;)

  11. #10
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    Aside from what you did or didn't do, how come your girlfriend went abroad for several months "on a whim"? Doesn't that involve a fair bit of planning? Were you considered within those plans and if not, is there some resentment inside you about that or do you fear she will meet someone else while she's away? If so, maybe your subconcience got the better of you while you were too drunk to think about your actions.


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