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Thread: Ex still bad mouthing me after nearly 5 years split.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bobby987
    No the feelings left just as quickly as the ex's smile. And I remember saying in the last post there is no way in the world I would consider being with the ex, even if I were single. It was the feelings I felt that worried me. I dont see ex unless its holiday time or we both attend a special event at school. Unfortunately my partner is scowled at across the playground everyday.

    Moving in the right direction of both parents and partners getting on, co-parenting and working together for the kids.
    If you were truly over your ex, the only thing you'd feel would be complete indifference. She scowls, so what? She said whatever about you, so what? The way you counter whatever she is saying is by not reacting and be sane and normal (not saying you aren't doing that). Let people sort out what's true and what isn't by observing who you are and who she is. Drop all mutual friends, because they aren't friends, they are pot stirrers sitting on the fence passing gossip back and forth. If want to truly extract yourself then you need to actually remove her from your life socially - mutual friends, clubs, connections all gone. Go build a life that doesn't include her either directly or by proxy.

    As for the magical world where everyone gets along, it's good to dream but then there is reality. If your ex hates you, is otherwise disordered, spreading rumors, trying to manipulate your children, etc, etc, etc. Then you drop the idea of all one big happy family and start drawing some serious boundaries around your new life. Co-parent strictly via an app designed for that. Be sure everything is in writing. STOP hiding bs from your soon to be wife. I mean really....you are hiding that you had to pay a fee because you are afraid of conflict. Dude....if this is how you want to act, then are not ready for and should not be getting married or it will be divorce #2 soon enough. Get your head screwed on straight first.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm with Wiseman... You all would do well to discuss all of this in family therapy. Is your wife scorned due to you having an affair or something? Why is she holding onto such a grudge?

  3. #13
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    I don't agree with the folks saying that you are only upset about her behavior because you still have feelings for her! That's painting a judgment with a pretty broad brush!

    I would be annoyed if a complete stranger was saying things about me that weren't true... so of course I was annoyed when my ex did it!

    My ex also scowls at my new wife (ex is the one who left me for her new relationship that failed).

    Do I ignore her? Absolutely. Does it bother me, of course, no one likes to be treated like that! I have however, found that the older my son gets, the more I can laugh about her behavior, becasue he recognizes it also!

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    I don't agree with the folks saying that you are only upset about her behavior because you still have feelings for her! That's painting a judgment with a pretty broad brush!

    I would be annoyed if a complete stranger was saying things about me that weren't true... so of course I was annoyed when my ex did it!

    My ex also scowls at my new wife (ex is the one who left me for her new relationship that failed).

    Do I ignore her? Absolutely. Does it bother me, of course, no one likes to be treated like that! I have however, found that the older my son gets, the more I can laugh about her behavior, becasue he recognizes it also!
    The reason people said that is because he wrote on this forum about his feelings for his ex. He even wrote it in this thread.

    I can imagine it's upsetting to still have feelings for someone who treats you poorly. We see that on here all the time...people who "still love" someone who abused them, who cheated, who has substance abuse issues. It's disturbing to think that even with all that, something in them still wants that person.

    It's a wonderful day when indifference truly happens. But until that day, things will still be upsetting.

    I dated a man whose soon to be ex wife told the board members of the soccer league his daughters played in that he'd sexually abused their youngest daughter. He was banned from attending games and had to sit in his car on the street (not allowed to go in the parking lot even) to watch games from a distance. Now THAT is definitely something to be upset about. The soon to be ex finally came forward and admitted she made it up to get back at him for divorcing her, but the damage was already done. And the people who'd believed her avoided him even though they really had no choice but to ban him. It was a big mess.

    But random gossip, name calling, scowling...that's just the ex being childish and immature.

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  6. #15
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    The reason people said that is because he wrote on this forum about his feelings for his ex. He even wrote it in this thread.
    And once again... Camber does not do his research!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But random gossip, name calling, scowling...that's just the ex being childish and immature.
    Agreed.
    I don't have very many nice things to say about my ex, so I just don't.
    Talking smack about ex's, especially 6 years later is not a pretty look on anyone.
    I'm sure her audience might agree.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    And once again... Camber does not do his research!
    Also camper that little bit you added about your exes relationship failing quite possibly means you, yourself havenít quite reached indifference. That need to poke, itís often so natural it isnít recognized until you reach indifference. Time doesnít automatically equal indifference despite popular belief

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Agreed.
    I don't have very many nice things to say about my ex, so I just don't.
    Talking smack about ex's, especially 6 years later is not a pretty look on anyone.
    I'm sure her audience might agree.
    Yep, sounds like both are active participants in this drama and Iím sure her friends and potentially people in his life are quite over the drama if itís been 5 years...

  10. #19
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    Sorry guys was a little busy but since you guys were kind enough to post...

    Those feelings lasted a couple weeks, maybe it was nostalgia because she was being nice [turns out it was only because she wanted to change holiday dates] But when I sit down and force myself to think about what it would be like to kiss/bewith/be around the ex there really is nothing. So putting all the damage and distance aside I really do know that I dont love her.
    So its not so much the fact its her, Im used to her back stabbing me but its at my childs school and theres a part of me that is hurt by it.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bobby987
    Sorry guys was a little busy but since you guys were kind enough to post...

    Those feelings lasted a couple weeks, maybe it was nostalgia because she was being nice [turns out it was only because she wanted to change holiday dates] But when I sit down and force myself to think about what it would be like to kiss/bewith/be around the ex there really is nothing. So putting all the damage and distance aside I really do know that I dont love her.
    So its not so much the fact its her, Im used to her back stabbing me but its at my childs school and theres a part of me that is hurt by it.
    By what?....

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