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Thread: 6 year relationship (3 years engaged) over

  1. #11
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    A lot of the furniture was hers when she moved out of her moms house. As for Lucy, I did tell her that the cats should not be separated, but she didn't care about my other cats feelings because Lucy was her baby, even though her sister already has two cats.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    the reason why we weren't married yet was because of money. Her parents are kinda crappy when it comes to money whereas my parents are good with their money (atleast my dad is) I guess the thought of marriage and a family stressed her out
    Last edited by musicguy; 09-30-2019 at 05:21 PM. Reason: delete post please

  3. #13
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. What did she state in these letters? It sounds like there has been a lot of issues shoved under the rug. It seems she's been unhappy and dissatisfied for quite some time and hoped you or your situation would change. Did she want kids? marriage? Some type of commitment?

    When people resort to writing letters to someone they live with it means that's the only way they can feel heard. Not much you can do because it seems her departure has come after giving you a lot of chances and giving it a lot of thought.
    It takes her awhile to "process" stuff when it comes to questions that I ask her. What was stated were things I needed to do to change or feelings that she had been having while I was giving her her space. Communication was a big problem for us. She wanted marriage and kids, just not right now.
    She thought I was pushing the kid deal because I'm in my 40's. Her family was unaware of the break up until after we did

  4. #14
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Why would she have the right to just clean out the apartment? I mean - all this crying and all the hugs are great and all - but where is your spine -- you let her walk all over you -- she can't just take all the furniture and a cat like that. its one thing to take her personal belongings and then discuss what else later. I mean, maybe she is young and hot, but you really are letting her walk all over you
    thorough my confusion and shock she said that I told her she could take one of the cats and that I could have the other one

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm sorry you're in so much pain, OP.

    She was just 20 when you two started dating. That's very young, in terms of where she was at in life. The growing and exploring you likely had already done when you met her? She's just dipping her toes into that now. It's not the time for her to settle down forever yet, and it appears she has told you this herself. It stings a lot, but she's just not where you are in life.

    Even if you two didn't argue much, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship was healthy. Intimacy and emotional connection can suffer when life gets busy and the couple lets it slip, and interest in a relationship can fade. It sounds as though perhaps you both became complacent, but also that she has issues all on her own, with depression and anxiety. You say you were engaged for 3 years - what is the reason you two hadn't married yet? Was there resistance on her end? Yours?
    the reason why we weren't married yet was because of money. Her parents are kinda crappy when it comes to money whereas my parents are good with their money (atleast my dad is) I guess the thought of marriage and a family stressed her out

  7. #16
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    when we started dating the age gap didn't bother us

  8. #17
    Platinum Member musicguy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    Your cat is missing his sibling and it was very ill-considered of your ex to take only one of them. I think you need to have a conversation with her whereby either she has both cats or you do.

    Cats are generally solitary creatures and while they may well get on fine with a sibling it doesn't mean your poor, bewildered cat will welcome a new, strange cat into his home. In fact, it has the potential to massively stress him out. I'd hold off on that and do what you can to get the siblings reunited.
    I tried and she isn't budging at all.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by musicguy
    when we started dating the age gap didn't bother us
    Nothing bothers anyone during the honeymoon phase. That's why major decisions should never be made during this time such as getting married, moving in together, having children, etc.

    Other than ignoring the age gap, it doesn't seem like you rushed. She just grew into the adult she is now and decided she wanted to make changes. It sucks, but unfortunately all of us have had to go through some form of this.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by musicguy
    the reason why we weren't married yet was because of money. Her parents are kinda crappy when it comes to money whereas my parents are good with their money (atleast my dad is) I guess the thought of marriage and a family stressed her out
    She wasn't too stressed out about money when she said "yes" to the ring. It could be that she really just doesn't want to get married yet in life and the fact that she moved from mom and dad's house to yours and back to theirs also speaks volumes. I do think at 40 if someone you are dating doesn't want kids or is not sure yet, you should not waste your time. I would take time to heal, and then explore in your heart why you did not pursue women closer to your own age? A lot of guys that chase women that are so young (she was 20/21 when you met, right?) usually were rejected by women their own age because of maturity, partying or something.

    I would take time to heal. Its not too late to meet someone and have kids. I met my guy a few days after his 41st birthday. Women 30+ only, though. Don't even give the time of day to anyone younger than that.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    She wasn't too stressed out about money when she said "yes" to the ring. It could be that she really just doesn't want to get married yet in life and the fact that she moved from mom and dad's house to yours and back to theirs also speaks volumes. I do think at 40 if someone you are dating doesn't want kids or is not sure yet, you should not waste your time. I would take time to heal, and then explore in your heart why you did not pursue women closer to your own age? A lot of guys that chase women that are so young (she was 20/21 when you met, right?) usually were rejected by women their own age because of maturity, partying or something.

    I would take time to heal. Its not too late to meet someone and have kids. I met my guy a few days after his 41st birthday. Women 30+ only, though. Don't even give the time of day to anyone younger than that.
    Yeah, I don't get that whole "need much younger woman to procreate with". I know several absolutely lovely never married early to mid 30s women. They can't find men to date for whatever reason. Of course, lots of people would say "something must be wrong with them then!!", but seriously, other than a bit of desperation from one of them the remainder are truly lovely.

    But don't worry about that now, OP. You can take some time to yourself for now.

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