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Thread: How to deal with myself and life atm

  1. #1
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    How to deal with myself and life atm

    Hello beautiful people,

    I came here to ask for advice, some positive words. I notice that Im going down a spiral and Im not able to get out myself anymore.

    Since the break up with my boyfriend two months ago things havent been going well. Before the relationship I had many bad relationships (rape, lot of cheating, suddenly be ghosted), and a tough youth (child abuse in many ways).

    I have been struggling with myself for a while. Agreed I needed therapy and have been in therapy for a while now. I learned to trust myself more, became stronger and happier this year. Found a guy that I cared for and had hope this would work out in the future. In the end it didn't work out (also being a long distant relationship), we couldnt talk about certain issues and he was really blameful (everything was my fault). I broke up with him, which kind of shattered my hope. I handled this relationship different then other ones. I told him about my fears, that it was scary for me to start a serious relationship again. I tried to be patient, understanding and talk about certain issues.
    I miss him a lot lately. The story is too long to explain, but I really thought we matched.
    I dont want to have a toxic relationship, so I broke up. But now I feel empty, wondering if I made the right choice (I know I kinda did but cant let it go, not searching contact). Waking up thinking about him, going to bed thinking about him. Really annoying.

    My mood has changed because of the break up, also with the passing of my grandmother and uncle which I cared for. Lost a lot of money because of an unknown dept and its all in a bit much in a short time. Im tired all the time, going to bed really early. Still meeting people, but really not a lot anymore and when I do In not really looking forward. Because I dont feel happy and I cant fake it. A lot of friends let me down, clearly having issues themselves. I lost a lot of friends (i know they really have issues themselves). Today my best friend had been ignoring me, took me a while for him to say he is mad at me for something I did, but wont tell what. We've been friends for so long, and last time I spoke to him he wanted to meet up together (but I couldnt that day). Everything seemed fine and I have no idea what's wrong. He wont talk to me. I started the day with negative thoughts. Im trying to make something out of it, like taking a shower, get a good breakfast, making plans for the day, going to read a book in the local pub with some coffee. Did all those things but I cant take my mind of things happening around me. I feel really alone lately, and Im always thinking about these scenarios and what I could have done differently. I wont easily blame other people, but blame myself instead. I can only speak with my therapist about these things, but I only see het 45 min each week and its clearly not enough (she doesn't have time for more). My constant worrying makes me so tired and anxious. I am afraid of the people still around me wanting to leave me (for example my best friend ignoring me is making me really sad). Any tips please for feeling alone and being anxious? I have the feeling its a bit too much to deal with now. It feels like Im losing myself bit by bit. When I was younger I had no trouble meeting people, actually loved doing this. Nowadays I always worry if I say the right things, am a good friend, if they will leave me after a small disagreement. I wanna trust and love myself more, what are the first steps?
    I do push myself to keep doing things, even if it feels scary. I made plans to travel a lot, started working out a bit, see my family often, quit smoking, eating way more healthy then before. I have days I feel good amd enjoy things a lot (clearly today is not such a day) But still I feel lonely. I dont wanna bother my friends or other people with this, but this forum has always helped me out on days like these :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Ah well you are in a slump, but don't worry you have this forum to chat with everyone. You can come here anytime and talk with us or even PM me. IMO you have done everything you can to keep going froward. It's just nice to have someone to chat with that won't judge you. Just like anything, you can't expect miracles over night. It's going to take time, and what is important is to understand that you won't always have a good day, but you will have better days. It's a process. Since you enjoy reading, why not start with some self improvement books or read stories that will inspire you. Also I suggest you keep a journal. Writing your thoughts down can be therapeutic. Broaden your horizons and take an art class or take up playing guitar. Do something that will challenge you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The fact that you cut your losses with this shows strength, not weakness. Hanging onto bad stuff is weakness. Something others do far too often. Not every end is fun, but not every end is bad either. You have a lot more resilience than you think.
    Originally Posted by JoyceVib
    .
    I dont want to have a toxic relationship, so I broke up.
    I do push myself to keep doing things, even if it feels scary. I made plans to travel a lot, started working out a bit, see my family often, quit smoking, eating way more healthy then before. I have days I feel good amd enjoy things a lot (clearly today is not such a day) But still I feel lonely. I dont wanna bother my friends or other people with this, but this forum has always helped me out on days like these :)


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