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Thread: Recovering from Narcissistic abuse

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Originally Posted by Princess70
    Hello everyone,

    I want to say thank you for reading and offering help. I am still trying to understand why this happens?

    Wiseman 2: thank you, and yes I am stuck in a pattern and am trying to seek therapy though it hasn't been easy to find it. You're right.

    To Bluecastle: yes, I am gonna do some soul searching. Making him bigger is because he instilled fear into me as he did several things such as trying to throw my dog from the balcony or kill my baby if I got pregnant in a aggressive way. That is not normal since I would never do such a thing. I am a very open person. Not calculative.
    But yes the question still alive of why I allowed this or kept open to him?
    Serious question:

    Did you stay with him after he threatened to kill your pet and/or your child had you gotten pregnant?

    Again serious question.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Been there done that. It's definitely quite the rude awakening to be sure.

    What helps me whenever I feel victimized and naive from my past, is changing the way I think and I hope this will help you, too. Change the way you think and the light will turn on in your brain. For every bad experience with people whether they're manipulative, gaslighters, narcissistic, untrustworthy, liars, deceptive types, betrayers or any of the lot, you learn from them so it works in your favor. Yes, I said that.

    Pain gives you wisdom. You learn to become a better judge of character, whom to avoid, whom to enforce healthy boundaries with (if you can't avoid them) and you'll learn how to navigate your life more shrewdly. You learn to decipher whether certain people are worth your time, energy, resources and care. You learn not to waste your life on people who will not give you happiness and peace of mind.

    People who think long and hard rarely make the same mistake twice especially when it comes to whom they associate with.

    Your previous naivete becomes no more because you've since learned from the school of hard knocks. Live and learn. This is what you walk away with: Wisdom gained. I'm sorry this is such a harsh reality check for you. We were all innocent once.

    I've been put through the wringer in life ever since I was a child. I've heard and seen it all so nothing surprises me anymore. You will become the same and you will know how to read people. You learn to listen to your intuition and gut instincts.

    I agree with you. Stay away from master manipulators like the pox. They are sociopaths. Google the words: Sociopath and gaslighting. They are extremely calculating in the most nasty, wicked ways and they're wolves in sheep's clothing. It's a real education let me tell you! It's quite the head trip and once you're informed, you will see the world through a different lens with a more discriminating eye for your own survival!

    You heal by transitioning your pain into strength and wisdom. You learn from negative experiences in your life and transform it into new prudence. Fear goes away because you'll replace fear with intelligence, strength and newfound wisdom.

    Your shock will fade and you'll become wary and jaded which is a benefit to you. You learn not to trust people so easily. You let them earn your trust as should be.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    OP, what you have to understand is that people like him exist and there are many of them out there. They are born this way and aren't going to change.

    What you can change is YOU. You can change your flawed understanding what love is, because the reason you kept letting him back into your life is that. You thought that his meaningless words, his manipulative behavior, his abuse is what love looks like. So you CAN fix your perception of love so that when you run into this again, you will recognize immediately that it's not love, it's evil. You have heard of a wolf in sheep's clothing - so that's what he is in human form. Yes, children's fairy tales are meant to teach children who grow into adults that bad, manipulative, duplicitous people exist and to stay away from them.

    You deal with your fear by taking your power back from him. Means that YOU block him from everything in your life - phone, e-mails, social media, etc. If he shows up at your job, you tell your employer, you tell security to kick him out. You tell your friends and family to never ever speak with him. If he shows up at your home, call police and do not open your door. You make the decision that you do NOT want to be abused and delete this evil from your life. Once you do that, you will no longer feel fear, you will start to feel calm and peace.

    Abusive relationships can make you feel helpless and like you can't make decisions or live without your abuser. Thing is that you aren't helpless, you can make decisions, you can act on them. Most importantly, you can perfectly well live without him - you had a normal life before you met him. Remember that?

    If counseling is available where you live, get some. You really really need to work on your misunderstanding of what love and healthy relationships look like. If not available, order some self help book and read up. Look around in real life at couples who are happy and genuine (emphasis on genuine not fake happy) and observe how they talk, how they treat each other. Learn learn learn and do some unlearning of toxic ideas you currently hold.

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