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Thread: Feeling Lonely and Jealous

  1. #1
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    Feeling Lonely and Jealous

    Tonight I feel hurt and pain and jealousy. I have this friend who I have had an on and off again friendship for several years. The last few weeks Iíve been unhappy with some things sheís said and done. Mostly because if Iím not feeling well or need to cancel plans she gets very moody with me. And uses language like,Ē youíre going to flake on our plans today, yeah?Ē And the when I say Iím not feeling well, she gives me one word responses.

    I wasnít feeling well today and wanted to cancel plans to stay home and rest. But after the one word responses and fear of her being upset I actually went to meet her up. We went to this event that she didnít want to go alone to and then got dinner. At dinner I was talking about a mutual friend and said some opinions about the mutual friend. She said to me I donít want to make a comment because you have loose lips. And she brought up two situations where I shared some things she said about others. These are situations in the past that I apologised for. It really hurt my feelings.

    Everytime I bring up something hurtful sheís said or done to me. She doesnít say sorry I said that. She tries to bring up something hurtful Iíve done to her. Instead of saying Iím sorry I made you feel that way, she says sorry you feel that way. As if she doesnít take any responsibility.

    Sheís in a loving relationship and Iím not. Sometimes I feel maybe Iím jealous that being the type of person she is that she finds love and Iím always alone. We went to Target yesterday so I could grab a gift for my nephew birthday and she saw a heart shaped box and got two...she tells me oh I am getting one for my mom and my boyfriend and Iím going to put notes of all the things I love about them. It made me feel pretty lonely and sure thatís my insecurities. Also, Her boyfriend lives many miles away from her and makes weekend trips to go visit him but she wonít drive to my side of the bay stating oh well thereís not much to do on your side.

    Many times she just wants to go eat out with me or wants me to come with her to events because she doesnít want to go alone and then complains that all we do is eat that I donít go to events with her.

    Itís just becoming too much for me, and Iím tired of feeling like Iím the one who does bad things. And sheís never responsible.

  2. #2
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    Why are you still friends with this person?

  3. #3
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    Because sheís fun to hang out with and makes me laugh. But sheís very manipulative also. Iím always feeling like the bad person.

  4. #4
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    You need to dump her and find new friends.

    Your friend lacks empathy and she's disrespectful. She never places herself in your shoes. In the future, whenever you don't feel well, learn to say, "NO." Learn to decline easily and stop being a people pleaser. If the other person refuses to understand your answer, that's their problem, not yours.

    She is gaslighting you. Google that word: Gaslighting. She manipulates the conversation by deflecting. Hence, her example: "I'm sorry you feel that way" is classic gaslighting. I've heard this all my life. It's the most insincere, smug, arrogant, callous, indifferent, shallow and cowardly comment on this Earth and nothing I hadn't heard before.

    She rubs it in your face that she's in a loving relationship because she is insecure. Secure people are cognizant of others and know how to behave morally, graciously and with impeccable manners.

    She doesn't sound like she's fun to hang out with and I fail to see her humor. She's manipulative and a bad person. Get rid of her. You can certainly do better and you deserve to be with a friend who knows how to treat you with respect, common courtesy and common decency. Get that straight.

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  6. #5
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    Thanks for helping me see. She makes me feel like a bad person. Anyhow, how do I tell her that I donít wish to be close friends without ghosting.

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    Or do I just disappear

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by heartbroken84
    Because sheís fun to hang out with and makes me laugh. But sheís very manipulative also. Iím always feeling like the bad person.
    She's fun to hang out with? Not by your description, she isn't.

    Sure, she makes you laugh sometimes. But it also sounds like there is strong toxic undercurrent to your "friendship" with her. I put that word in quotes because it doesn't sound like much of a friendship. It appears it only really works when you do what she wants, on her terms.

    How often do you actually talk to her and see her?

  9. #8
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    Everyday through WhatsApp text, if I miss a day she gets worried or thinks Iím mad. I see her on weekends when sheís not with her mom or boyfriend.

  10. #9
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    Do you have other friends you hang out with?

    She sounds exhausting and petty.

  11. #10
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    Unfortunately not too many other available friends. Tough part is itís nice to go try new restaurants with her and joke around. But then sheís disrespectful and sometimes makes mean comments or runs late on me if Iím accidentally late on her. Or calling me loose lips tonight as a way to explain why she doesnít give opinions of others to me.

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