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Thread: Im I confused or just stupid

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try discussing all this in the neutrality of a marriage therapists office. This has devolved onto a colossal power struggle of who's right, who's wrong, who's smarter, who made better decisions, etc etc.

    Your egos are at war. Your kids are the collateral damage in this ego war and power struggle.. You are both so wrapped up in this that you've both become oblivious to that.

  2. #12
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    Iím sorry Wiseman but I donít agree with you. I donít care about whoís wrong or right. She is blaming me for our finances not beings up to what sheís would like. We do not want the same thing or have the same expectations in life about what is a good financial situation.

    Iím
    Now scared of her reaction, she has a very bad temper, if Iím
    The one who brings up the divorce discussion.

    Ego has no play here sorry but Iím not that type of person.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok have you tried marriage therapy to have talks and negotiations with a neutral professional third party present? Also accountants, financial advisers and other third party advisers may break the ice in the blame game issues with her.. Get a third professional opinion when there is a stand-off. She can argue and be mad at them rather than you.
    Originally Posted by Jian
    She is blaming me for our finances not beings up to what sheís would like. We do not want the same thing or have the same expectations in life about what is a good financial situation.

  4. #14
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    You clearly have not read my initial post.

    Thanks for the feedback anyway.

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  6. #15
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    We had the conversation yesterday it didn’t happen the way I expected, but I initiated the possibility of divorce.

    I shared my view on the current situation and like some of you have said we are more of a business arrangement than a couple.

    I was actually surprised that she didn’t flip out and even said that she didn’t want to divorce. Even though she used that threat many times throughout our relationship. We both agreed that the love is no longer present.

    We agreed to keep going forward with the house selling cause we believe that the location is a part of what went wrong. We got very isolated from our friends and family. We got very social secluded and that’s never good.

    Although we are unsure of moving together or separate. We are really unsure about our future, we fear that we are too broken to keep going.

    At the moment I feel that I might want to try again but I fear that a few years after the move our problems will resurface again and we divorce anyway.

    And there still the thought of the possibility of finding someone else better that I find compelling and keeps the thought of going forward with the divorce. That women at work, we have been eying each other a few times already and the only reason why I never talked to her yet is my ring at my finger, which I believe she saw already.

    I hate the situation, I fear of doing or taking the wrong decision. I don’t know what to do except going with the flow and expect the unexpected. It’s scary...

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Jian
    It's scary...
    And you'e really going to hate it.

    You should start to preparing yourself for the real world of a divorced man vs. the green grass fantasies you are currently entertaining.

  8. #17
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    It is never easy - divorce or grass is greener concept. What I can tell you is this, I am a recently separated woman. I want what you have, which I don't think you both appreciate: your own home, healthy kids, combined incomes, stashed money on stocks, and a sense of commitment to each other. Try to repair that not just for you but for your kids. Shun away from women at work, that too is a leap of faith, will it work, will it not work.

    Don't be in a situation of regret, what I am saying is > try harder. You will not be in a place of doubt as you are now, once you are certain you want to divorce.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ChellyV
    ...what I am saying is > try harder.
    Especially for the kids.

  10. #19
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    Thank you for your input. I agree with your statement. I always wish the best for my kids, but Iíve been doing it for too long at the cost of my own happiness. (I believe)

    My parents divorced when I was 5, my mother meet a man and has been with him to this day. My father being very absent, I was lucky to have a loving and caring step father who I consider my father more than my real father.

    Thereís a lot of conflicting issues inside of me. I feel like I donít want to hurt anybody, especially not my wife or kids and divorce would mean that but at the same time I fear of staying miserable for a long time.

    During our conversation yesterday Iíve told her that we should use our house selling experience has a gauge to test us, but she got mad at me for thinking that Iím still having doubt about us. Itís seem that all these times when she used the divorce threat itís was only used to keep me in check and control me. I feel I was manipulated, and that now that itís now me whoís suggesting divorce Iím the bad one who doesnít want to work things out.

  11. #20
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    The d-word is many times is used to express displeasure and even depression. Like a call for help.

    Stop saying it yourself and try to find out whats really troubling her.
    Odds are she has told you hundreds of times.

    Not necessarily out loud, but instead what was between the lines.

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