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Thread: How do I know there's no second chance?

  1. #1

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    How do I know there's no second chance?



    Hi guys, I don't really do these thread things but I have been reading a lot of them lately. So basically me and my childhood sweetheart broke up about 3 months ago. I'm now 22 and was with her for 7 years! We loved each other and did everything, travelled and talked about marraige and our kids. I got on brilliantly with her family as I was practically raised there. She broke up with me. She is in a tough course in college and it was coming near her exams so she stressed. I gave her space because I knew how hard the exams were and how much pressure she put herself under.

    Her reasons for breaking up was that she needs to see who she is outside of the relationship and that she was having doubts. She thought it wasn't fair continuing the relationship if she wasn't 100% commited. She said then that she could be making the biggest mistake of her life. She said to me that she wasnt sure about her decision. We both cried and hugged it out. No nasty words or anything like that. I cared for her too much. Anyways fast forward two weeks no contact at all (hardest thing I've ever done) she texts me seeing how I was? We exchange texts then the next night we slept together. We both knew it was a bad idea but I have no regrets of that night. We met up the following day and made an agreement that we should not talk to each other. Again both of us crying. It doesn't make sense cause when we are together it feels natural and easy (we both said that not just me).

    Fast forward 2 weeks and we met up once cause she was having family issues. I was there for her (no sex or kissing). We meet up then once more after this about 2 and half weeks later as she was leaving for 5 weeks. She said that she will have time to think about everything. She wanted to have sex with me then but I refused. We laughed it off and hugged goodbye. I said "so I guess we go back to not talking Again?" She replied "do you really think this is the last time we will talk?" Looking me in the eye. This was about 3 weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about her. She sees all my Instagram stories and Snapchat stories?


    I don't know what to do. She was my best friend and I'm not being an here but we had a great relationship, no cheating no violence 100% trust. I treated her like queen so much so that her mother would make fun of all the things I do for her?


    I've been doing relatively well regards no contact, better than her but I'm struggling
    She still has a few weeks left away from me... should I move on or wait for a text?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't hold each other back from growing and experiencing life. She wants to date others and get involved in a new young adult life. You should do the same. Her reasoning is level-headed, honest and sincere.
    Originally Posted by Tall k
    I'm now 22 and was with her for 7 years

    Her reasons for breaking up was that she needs to see who she is outside of the relationship and that she was having doubts. She thought it wasn't fair continuing the relationship if she wasn't 100% commited.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good job for remaining respectful and decent. I think you were level-headed, honest and sincere. She was off the mark making passes at you or wanting to have sex with you after initiating a break up. Stay focused, limit your contact with her and don't give in to sleeping with her. She's unstable and wobbly and all over the map. This is not a person who's in a good frame of mind or in a good place. Don't let her take advantage of you either, whether she's feeling good or not. That's not the way to treat someone. She'll figure it out eventually. Bid her farewell and well wishes and take the time to heal and meet new people eventually.

    When someone shows you the door, be very realistic about it. There's no need to be rude or bitter. Just stay away and learn the lesson.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    What kind of life do you have besides her? Hobbies? Guy friends? Continuing education? A good career? If she was the sole center of your universe, that was a mistake, as that type of behavior is smothering.

    It's common for a young person, after being in a serious relationship for so long, to want to be free again to have more life experiences being single.

    She knew when she broke up with you that it could mean forever and she was okay with those consequences. For your own good, go no contact. If you have hopes of getting back together, tell her that's the only reason you want her contacting you, and at that time, you will see if you're still single and you can then have a discussion.

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  6. #5
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    This is what often happens to relationships that start very young. As the couple grows up, one party (or sometimes both) grows in a different direction and wants to see what else is out there. It doesn't mean either of you did something wrong or weren't good to each other, but the people we date as young teens are very rarely the people we spend a lifetime with. Who you both were at 14 or 15 is inevitably quite different from who you are at 22.

    She isn't ready to commit to just you for the rest of her life. Perhaps she noticed herself developing an interest or curiosity about other guys, and didn't feel it was fair to continue the relationship knowing how she was changing. She too will need time to adjust to her new life as a single girl, without you as her constant companion. That is what the random texts and one night in bed were about. She isn't used to not having a source of attention and affection, but it seems she realizes she can't rely on you for that when she isn't trying to reconcile.

    Your best bet is to slowly accept that you two have met the end of your chapter together. It's not impossible that you will someday find your way back to each other; nobody can predict the future. In my experience, though, exes such as yourselves usually both eventually move on to other people. It doesn't seem imaginable now because it's all so fresh and she's all you've known, but if you are kind and patient with yourself as you heal, you will one day find your happiness again.

  7. #6
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    You must stay no contact. Stop responding to texts and no more meet ups,no matter the dittuation. She broke up with you, stop giving her the benefit of a bf. You are making it easy for her to transition to someone else. Tell her no communication, unless there is full reconciliation. You definitely could reconcile, but you are doing this the wrong way.

    Do you have a life outside of her?

    I know this is hard.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I don't know what to do.
    You do exactly what she's proposed. That is a breakup. You go zero contact and you don't respond to her texts or emails. If she wants to be single then do NOT give her a soft place to land. If you keep up being there for her when she contacts you then you give her zero reason to get back to you. In the meantime, the time away will help you to rehab from your addiction to her being in your life.

    If wanting to "find herself" entails not having you in her life then give yourself the gift of allowing her to miss you. Doing that may be the only way you will get her back. In any event, don't keep hoping that she will return to you... You move on and keep doing your own life that may very well be exactly what YOU need in order to find your own self.

    With time and keeping yourself busy and with zero contact that will help you to rehab, you will be just fine.


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