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Thread: How to break up

  1. #1

    How to break up

    Hey folks.

    So, a little background here...I'm basically breaking up with my girlfriend because she doesnt make time for me. We live together and I'm always doing all the cooking, most of the cleaning, taking care of the animals, taking care of her, and shes always gone. I'm at the apartment by myself most of the time. Shes a workaholic, who just fills empty slots of free time with either working, sleeping, or hanging out with her friends, she takes no initiative to make plans.

    I made the decision to move on, I dont want to be someone's number one priority, but I want to feel like I am at least in the top 5 of their priority list. I dont wish her ill will or anything, and know that she will be pretty hurt by this ending, but I am at a level of unhappiness that is not very good for how I handle every day life and its allowing me to falter at work and in my studies.

    How can I break up with her in a way that will be easiest for both of us? I'm not planning on moving right out until I find another place, which I think I may have done.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
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    Just be honest and tell her it's not working out and that you are unhappy and that it's over. Wish her well. Be polite and respectful. No way will be easy and honesty is always best.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Find a place to move to. Make your arrangements. Or is the "moving out" scenario something of an empty plan that you hope will change things? Are you working? Can you support yourself?
    Originally Posted by TreeRings
    I'm not planning on moving right out until I find another place, which I think I may have done.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TreeRings
    I'm not planning on moving right out until I find another place, which I think I may have done.
    What is this supposed to mean? Did you shack up already with someone else or get offered a couch somewhere or find a job in another city...... ?

    If you haven't spoken with her about the issues or misgivings you have, I think you're kidding yourself about all the x, y, z reasons up there and just looking for any excuse to get a move on. Have you spoken with each other at all about those issues above?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Can she afford the place herself? Breakups are always upsetting. If a guy broke up with me, I really wouldn't want to share space with him. I might consider being ready to pack up your belongings, put them in storage and get a weekly hotel until you find another place to live.

    If you spoke of your issues to her and she didn't make any effort toward chores or making you feel like a priority, then she didn't care as much as you think, so the break up shouldn't be so hard for her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    There is no easy way to do this, no magic formula. However, find a place first and have a plan for the move to it. Then tell her you are leaving and why. She will possibly cry and beg you not to go, offer to be a better person etc and make time for you. Decide first if you will give her another chance. If you dont want to do that, tell her you are sorry but you are leaving.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd make arrangements to move, first. Then I'd break up just prior to hauling my stuff out. Otherwise, you're just staying in toxic soup until moving day, and that's messy and unkind.

  9. #8
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    Because you live together there are practical considerations. Who is on the lease? If both of you the landlord doesn't have to let one of you off. Can you afford the place on your own? When is the lease up? Can you hang out that long? Even if you are the one who moved out, if you are on the lease you are still responsible for the rent. If she doesn't pay or tries to break the lease, the landlord can legally come after you

    Once you do drop the bombshell that you want out, if you expect her to move you have to give her time -- at least 2 weeks to pack & get her stuff out of the apartment. You may want to consider changing the locks.

    You also have to separate all the utility bills etc.

    Do not overlook the practical logistical stuff just for the sake of ending it.


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