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Are my chances screwed with this girl I just recently started dating?


AllElite323

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Good Afternoon Everyone:

 

I just need some advice or insight from you all on whether or not you think my chances are screwed with this girl I started dating 2 months ago.

 

In the middle of July I met this girl named Ashley off of the phone app called Hinge. She is 31 and Im 29 and she lives about 100 miles away from me. She actually liked me on the app first. Normally, I wouldn't pursue someone who lives that far away, but she had an interesting profile and was really pretty. I returned the like on Hinge and from there we started messaging each other and the flow of conversational. We met up for our first date shortly after and hit it off really well in person. WE both work Monday-Friday jobs during the day so currently the weekends are the only real time we can spend together. Since the end of the July each weekend we would switch off with me going to see her and then the next weekend she would come to see me.

 

Everything was going well up until after the last time we spent time together which was last Sunday, September 22. That day I drove up to see here to hang out with her for the day and meet 2 of her friends for brunch. That all went well and I heard they gave her good rapport about me after the fact. After brunch we went back to her place to hang out and spend some more alone time. Midway through the afternoon she gets a text from her family about 5 hours north that they are jumping on a stand by flight to see her and apparently they do that a lot. Because they were coming that cut my visit with Ashley short.

 

Once her family arrived I did not hear much from Ashley. I knew she was busy with her family but in the weeks before even if she was hanging with family or friends, she was super responsive through text or phone call. That all changed this week and I was not getting texts or calls up until last night where she basically explained that she wanted to "take a little time to herself" and that she has all this stuff going on including this health issue that requires her to see a surgeon on Wednesday. She would not go into details but at the end of our conversation last night I told her that I would respect her space. I obviously have not heard from her since and plan on leaving her be until she reaches out.

 

I really like Ashley and we have a great connection. The chemistry is great physically and emotionally. I am hoping to hear from her by Wednesday but don't really expect to. I do want to know how the visit to the surgeon is going to go so do I reach out to her on Wednesday to see how that went? Do you think my chances with her are pretty f'd or do you think that theres a chance that she reaches out, we reconcile what we had and make it stronger?

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Good evening! :) I would text her on Weds, early morning, and say that you understand she's got a lot going on but just wanted her to see your text and know that you're thinking of her. Do not ask any questions. Keep it short. Don't make the other person feel obliged to respond or feel pressured to respond. If she's seeing a surgeon about her health issue it sounds serious. Give her space to be with her family. She's probably inundated with her family members around and anxious for answers regarding her health. Be patient and understanding.

 

I understand why you're put off though. Just remember that this is one small blip in a very large picture. One small moment in time in an entire lifetime. Look at the bigger picture and remember the good times that you've shared. Don't falter or request for reassurance now. Now is not a good time. Have faith and remember what you've shared together.

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her are pretty f'd or do you think that theres a chance that she reaches out, we reconcile what we had and make it stronger?

 

There's nothing to "reconcile". There was no breakup -- she has a medical issue to attend to -- don't act like you have been "rejected". its just bad timing. She may contact you when things settle - or not.

 

 

 

and say that you understand she's got a lot going on

 

I would omit this, but otherwise i agree. I would either text her "hi. Just thought of you - Hope everything goes well with your appointment today." or somethig simple. starting off with "i understand you have a lot going on..." makes it feel like you are broaching her "request for space.

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I would omit this, but otherwise i agree. I would either text her "hi. Just thought of you - Hope everything goes well with your appointment today." or somethig simple. starting off with "i understand you have a lot going on..." makes it feel like you are broaching her "request for space.

 

Good point. After re-reading what I wrote I agree with you. I like it better shorter and sweeter like that.

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like an on/off bf was the one who "suddenly jumped on a standby flight". Hard for a whole family to do that, no? Then the sudden surgical illness? You can wait to hear from her but it sounds like someone else is in the picture. In the meantime, date locally.

she gets a text from her family about 5 hours north that they are jumping on a stand by flight to see her and apparently they do that a lot.

last night where she basically explained that she wanted to "take a little time to herself" and that she has all this stuff going on including this health issue that requires her to see a surgeon on Wednesday.

I obviously have not heard from her since and plan on leaving her be until she reaches out.

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like an on/off bf was the one who "suddenly jumped on a standby flight". Hard for a whole family to do that, no? Then the sudden surgical illness? You can wait to hear from her but it sounds like someone else is in the picture. In the meantime, date locally.

 

Actually...my aunt worked for an airline - they did this all the time. You have buddy passes and you can jump on "room available" standby flights. They would visit my cousins at the spur of the moment. They even went to China once that way.

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The problem with long distance dating is that each date requires a lot of investment, which can feel premature for someone you're just getting to know. It can turn a bit suffocating--and that can kill feelings.

 

For this reason, I'd stick to dating locally in order to get to know people under normal circumstances and in short doses.

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Ok, but it sounds like someone entered or reentered the picture either locally or from her hometown. Whatever the case she is suddenly "very very busy" and "very very stressed" and "very very sick" so however you wish to interpret that doesn't matter as much as accepting there's no future here.

 

Start instead dating locally. You can make reasons and rationalize things, but the bottom line is she's out and you need to move forward.

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So just a little update guys. Ashley has not texted me since Friday 9/27 and she had her appointment with the surgeon this last Wednesday. I tried reaching out to see how she was doing after the appointment. No response but the text was delivered (at least I wasn't blocked). Anyway, I won't be texting her again until when/or if she texts me. Pretty disappointed and confused. I've started to put myself out there to girls that are more local so I'll be okay. I'll stick to dating girls in San Diego. No need to do a long distance relationship and do the commute to Orange County every other week. But if Ashley does reach out again I'll let y'all know and let you know what happens.

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Call my cynical if you like but I would bet good money on this mystery 'health issue' being totally fictional.

 

I had pretty much the exact same thing said to me by a girl I dated 3 years ago. Needed some time out to deal with an undisclosed (and never previously mentioned) health issue. I told her I wished her all the luck in dealing with this and I hoped she fully recovered.

Looked her up on Facebook out of curiosity few months later. Her status was now 'in a relationship since xxx date' with the date being the exact same date she'd texted me about her 'health issue'!

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