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Thread: Confused

  1. #1

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    Sep 2019
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    Confused

    Hi, I'm 30 and have been married for 9 years. Recently me and hubby are a lot more short fused with each other and there's barely any affection from him.
    To make matters worse, he travels a lot internationally and is either jet lagged or too stressed when he's home. We haven't had sex for more than 6 weeks and I'm so close to dry humping the bed post then smacking him with it.
    He's more than happy to get head but god forbid he does any of the giving. I've tried talking about all this, but he's never been able to take any form of criticism no matter how nicely I put it across.
    I'm juggling everything at home with the kids, their zillion activities, running my biz and cooking while all he does is gripe about work and gets extremely offended if I'm even slightly distracted to listen/sympathize/offer advise on his problems.
    I hate the person I've become..so repressed and hangry (? horny and angry!) and plagued with fantasies about other men. I wish those thoughts would stop. I've always been a believer in love but happily ever afters happen only in fairy tales I guess :( I even held out losing my virginity till marriage - which I'm very thankful for because that's sometimes the only reason holding me back from cheating to ease my frustration.
    I'm inhaling self help/improvement books and keep trying to focus on making myself better instead of getting caught up with what's wrong...but saying it and letting it all go to hell is starting to look really good. What should I do???

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Well something's got to give....maybe he needs to find a new career or job. Whatever he is going through is messing him up in the head to the point he is numb to your problems. I suggest you leave the kids at grandmas, then turn to him and say "I'm not happy anymore." Let that start the conversation.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You say he's happy to receive? Why would he try to please you if you are giving him head when he hasn't pleasured you in weeks?

    When is the last time the two of you were away together as husband and wife without the children?
    When is the last time you were in total wife/lover mode and he was in total husband/lover mode instead of mommy and daddy mode?

    You two need to get back to basics and rekindle the partnership of husband/wife/lovers. I think you also need to print out your opening post and ask him to read it. Hopefully that will open up the conversation on how crappy you both have been handling the husband/wife part of your relationship... how deeply you have let life in general get in the way of your love for one another.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop one-way sex. It's that simple. Stop 'advising' him. Just don't listen if he's whining too much. Do more for yourself . Take classes, courses you like, join some groups and clubs. Stop doing all the housework if you resent it. Only look after the kids. Get the focus off him. Start focusing on you. get in shape, get a new look.

    Interestingly, you resent him for stuff you are doing. So stop all that. Pull back. Suggest marriage therapy, but in any case go for yourself to find out why you do all these things t you resent when you don't even have to.
    Originally Posted by tasha89
    He's more than happy to get head but god forbid he does any of the giving.
    I'm juggling everything at home with the kids, their zillion activities, running my biz and cooking while all he does is gripe about work and gets extremely offended if I'm even slightly distracted to listen/sympathize/offer advise on his problems.

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