Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Is there a way to overcome fear?

  1. #1

    Is there a way to overcome fear?

    To keep a very long story short. The man I believed to be the love of my life and I met at the tender age of 21 and dated for an estimated 6 months before I broke it off. The reasons were multiple but the main one was that he had yet to heal from the trauma of a 4-year-long relationship so I was the rebound he never intended and I had foolishly fallen for someone who never loved me to begin with. He would ignore my calls and texts for days and finally, I had enough self-esteem to break it off and figure out my worth. Fast forward 2 or so years and here we are yet again. We had maintained a very intimate friends with benefits relationship on and off during the past year before officially giving the relationship another shot a little over 2 months ago. At first, I felt over the moon. The man I believed to be my last was finally by my side for good. And this time, it was different. He was attentive and made a point of calling and expressing his affections openly. I had never felt more loved and yet, it was as if the tables had turned. I was now the negligent one (or so he perceived) and I find that we constantly butt heads. I am an undergrad student who works full-time whilst he never attended university and instead began working from a very young age due to difficulty with his home financial environment. As a result, we often find it difficult to completely understand the others' position. He doesn't quite know how it feels to be exhausted after a full day of school and work and thus finds it quite hurtful when I can't muster the energy for a 2 hour phone call. For my part, I don't know how it feels to constantly want some kind of connection to your significant other throughout the day and thus cannot reciprocate the amount of reassurance he wants and needs.

    He and I both have had to seriously contemplate the sustainability of this relationship. On the one hand, it is undoubtable that we both love each other very much. But on the other hand, who is to say that love is enough to overcome the miles of difference between us ranging from something as trivial as the difference between our phoning habits? He worries that he will be unable to build a beautiful future for us when all I want is for him to be present with me now. We have drifted together and apart so many times I find myself often tiring of the process, and I sometimes sincerely think it would be better to be apart. But I don't have it in me to lose him again. Truth be told, the 1 year that I spent alone was one of the hardest times of my life and I'm not confident I can withstand it a second time (I know without a choice I will get over it, yes. But I'm scared of the individual I'll become at the end of that bitter and long process.) From your experience, is there a way around this? Have you ever successfully gotten back together and made it work?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,630
    Is this a long distance relationship? Have you two met?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,752
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately it sounds like you are incompatible on many levels and it never really worked. It was on/off, it was fwb, it was rebound, etc. Why not admit this so you can experience dating guys who you have more in common with, where there is more mutual respect and who you can date in a committed stable way? Drama is not romance.
    Originally Posted by songtunnie
    He and I both have had to seriously contemplate the sustainability of this relationship. On the one hand, it is undoubtable that we both love each other very much. But on the other hand, who is to say that love is enough to overcome the miles of difference between us ranging from something as trivial as the difference between our phoning habits?


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •