The closer I get to my goal, the more lost & depressed I feel...

Hey everyone,

Thought I'd post an update on what's been happening since my previous post. So a while back I made the decision that I was going to finish paying off all my debts by April next year, which will make me 100% debt free. I decided that I would take a full time job in order to accomplish this goal. I started the job in April & it took me about 6 months to finally get all my bills and stuff back to normal again, since I had been struggling with money before that due to personal circumstances I had been dealing with at the time.

So as of now, I'm all caught up with my bills etc, and now the only debt I have left is my car loan which is just over $16,000 which I will be able to pay by April next year. By paying this off in April, I will be saving myself 20 months & I will be able to move back interstate by July...but in order for me to do this, I've had to cut back on alot of things in my life, & I've reached a point in this job I have that I no longer wish to work in anymore, I just want to get back to working for myself, which I was doing before, up until I started having personal situations happen...I mean, I only took this job so I could get my car back on the road & get my finances stable again.

One part of me is telling me that I'm not happy where I am & that I need to get back to working for myself bcoz that's what really makes me happy, and another part of me is saying telling me to just stick it out a little longer with this job so I can be debt free by April because it's paying more right now that you're paying yourself, and if I quit this job now it will only prolong my goal of being debt free by April.

I feel everyday now when I go to this job I feel depressed and not happy, & just feel my gut is trying to tell me that you'll find a way to pay back the remaining debt without this job if you really set your mind to it, and that im not giving myself enough credit, that this job is not the be all and end all.

I just really want this last debt gone as quick as possible, but I'm wondering to myself is my depression & feeling of no happiness worth toughing it out for the next 7 months? I'm just kinda fearful of how I'm going to be feeling after April, when Im debt free, but be completely drained out by the end of it, & have absolutely no more energy after it all.

I've been reading lots of different stories from people who have sacrificed alot in their pursuit to be debt free in a short amount of time and how worth it it will be at the end of it, having the burden of debt gone and being more stress free etc..., which is really the only motivator for me to keep this job until April, but on the other side I'm reading stories from people who say you don't have to give up everything in your life to be debt free.

I guess its come down to two things for me:

Option A: Tough it out a bit longer with the job until April & i'll fast track my debt free goal in 7 months, and then quit in April and go back to working for myself.

Option B: Quit this job now that's making me unhappy & depressed, get back to working for myself as I was before...it'll take a little longer to be debt free....or maybe it wont, but i'll be happier again.

Any council on this would be great, if anyone has had or is in a similar position.

Thanks heaps everyone.

:)

In my mind, you made a goal and you should keep it. It's just another 7 months. If you cannot keep this commitment to yourself, who's to say you will keep it at all? Yeah sure, you might be able to quit now and manage the debt while trying to build a business only to have it spiral out of control and end you back in the place where you started. This, all because you felt a bit iffy and down.

Cliche, but when the going gets touch, you don't do something else, you get tougher and get on with it. If you've tied yourself down so tight you can't struggle on for the next 7 months and are unable to put things in place to balance your happiness, then loosen things up a little. Let yourself have a couple of things that rebuild your happiness and keep the target.

Find something that makes you happy outside of this goal, that doesn't cost the earth and get on with it.

I assume you went into debt because you weren't making a profit being self employed. Thus I think you need a balance. Add a new goal: be self employed again by next June. Mean while keep working to get that debt paid off. If you want to do it faster, sell whatever car you have & take that $16,000 & buy a good used car. I suspect you overspend on things which helped caused the debt.

However, you need to keep working. One of the best books I ever read about owning your own business suggested that the smartest way to do this was to have 1 year's worth of living expenses including an emergency fund banked before you try to be self employed. Basically have a good cushion so initially you can reinvest the profits of the business but still live.

While you are working you need to be using your out of work time to develop & hone your entrepreneurial skills. Start with the free resources. Go to your local public library & start reading books about the subject. Devise a quality business plan & a marketing plan. Reach out for resources like the SBDC to help you. Then slowly start getting things together like a general idea of where your business will be located, who your target market is, who your idea customer is, how much it will cost to run your business & how much profit to expect. You can't just jump into opening a new business without all of the proper planning. Take this time to get your tax id #; to research insurances especially the cost of short & long term disability insurance, a must for the self employed. Come up with an idea for how you will save for the future. Identify your labor needs & the costs of various professional services: a lawyer & an accountant. Plan, plan, plan. Then you will be setting yourself up for success. Your way -- quit now & figure it out later -- you will fail & be worse off then you are now.

April is only 7 months away. Keep the job and reach your goal. Whenever you have "I hate being here" thoughts, just remember that it's only temporary!

I've been self employed for about 25 years so I totally understand about wanting to work for yourself. I would never work for anyone else ever again. I am also debt free and have been for longer than 25 years due to some luck and a lot of hard work.

Can you work your job that you dont like and your own business at the same time, even if your own biz is part time? If you could do that, you could pay down your debt plus earn more money to get out of debt faster. Mine is an online business so I dont have to be tied to a desk at a certain time, my hours work for me, not the other way around.

If I was you I'd try to get my own biz off the ground now, get some money coming in from it, but keep the job I dont like and maybe pay off the car faster.

Do you mind talking more about your job currently and what bothers you about it? It seems this is the thorn in your side, not the debt. The debt is there until you finish paying it off. What's causing you to risk your repayment plan is this job. Is anyone giving you a tough time or are you in danger at your current employment?

What's with the self sabotage? Second thread on this same thing.

I'll try to approach this from a few interconnected angles.

One angle: April, in the scheme of things, is five minutes away. Part of being an adult is being able to feel like sh*t for five minutes without self-defining as sh*t. Knowing that at minute six you will be debt free, and will have realized a goal, paving the way for even bigger goals, can offset the discomfort. So, suck it up, knowing you'll thank yourself later, and so on. There is value in all that, and that might be the value you need right now.

Another angle: For some—for many?—the realization of any goal is something of a depressing affair, odd as that sounds. I've realized a number of pretty out-there goals. When I was young I spent years working on something, sold that thing for a lot of money, and saw that thing in stores, in newspapers. It didn't feel the way I thought it would feel. Hollow is the word that comes to mind, and you'll just have to trust me when I say that this is one of those goals that people do not define as superficial.

But get this? I still make that thing, over and over, and that's what has allowed me to realize other dreams, like seeing the world and buying property. The day I bought my house is a day I remember as momentarily thrilling and then kind of hollow, for a good stretch. I forked over a gob of cash for keys to a pile of bricks and wood that I was now indebted to for 30 years? Ugh. But my house generates income, renovating it was a blast, so...

Point being, I think it's important (this somewhat countering the first angle, while being related) to be really excited about the process—to be able to find joy in the realization stages of any goal: the pursuit, not just the goal itself. Because that there? That is really all life is, just like hunting isn't really shooting animals left and right but sitting still, under a tree, in the cold, for 10 hours straight. I think I was kind of lucky to "learn" that early—that the three years I spent working on a thing were more satisfying than finishing the thing, say. Mind you, those years were hard. I was broke, barely sleeping, going to school, working two jobs, and not falling in love with someone new every 30 seconds like a lot of people I knew and kind of envied. But I was full, then empty upon finishing, which meant it was time to fill up again.

Yet another angle, also related: Is there a chance that you're chasing the wrong goal? A goal you think you "should" be chasing because of some outside influence rather than the influence of your inner spirit? Or is there a chance that you're overly goal-focused instead of process-focused? A chance that you are hungry to fill some kind of void, that human void that we all try to close by finding "meaning"? These are always questions worth exploring, so we don't react and overreact too quickly, becoming a ship without a keel—always chasing, always more hungry than full, always kind of skimming the surface at the expense of the depths.

Debt is a funny thing. There is good debt and bad debt. My house, for instance, is good debt. The actual number of what I owe is pretty extraordinary, but my tenants pay my mortgage, and then some, allowing me to do me, so it all works, while improving my credit and all that bs. I don't feel "in debt" even though I am. I wanted to own a home but I didn't want to be married to my home, or a mortgage; that was my version of the goal of "homeownership," a bit left of convention but I knew myself. Meanwhile, I refuse to buy a certain motorcycle I've wanted for 3 years because those payments would be bad debt. I just want to ride the stupid thing, not be married to it, so I'll buy that toy when I've got money to burn.

But! I would also count as "good debt" the many thousands of dollars I spent two years ago to give life the middle finger for a bit, travel around, do whatever I wanted. I needed that, so I did it. Call me impulsive, but I had some scratch squirreled away and know myself well enough to know I can replenish the scratch however fast I need to. I became poorer on paper but richer in spirt—enriched, which at the end of the day is all I live for and personally believe is all anyone should live for. That will come in different forms for different people, and different forms for one person over the course of a life, but if it's not the big goal that all the little goals are building toward there's just no point.

Lots of words, I know. I don't know you. I don't know if you're someone who blows money on dumb things or someone who struggles to really follow through on things. I don't get the impression that that's who you are. I do get the impression that you are thirsty for enrichment. If a debt-free, self-employed you come April has even a whiff of enrichment possibility—well, buckle up and stay the course. If there is some "good debt" you are currently avoiding taking out, maybe take it out, and let April be July in your mind.

But that requires self-discipline too, and being honest with yourself. I've wanted that fancy motorcycle every day for three straight years, I know it would make me happy and I know I could have it tomorrow thanks to the laws of debt and swamps of capitalism—though not quite in the way that would make me really happy. Not the marriage I want. So I buckle up and stay the course, you know?

WTPT, according to old posts look like uber driver.

Look Dusman, at the end of the day it’s your life and you will do what you want, but in my experience, those who run from responsibility because ‘they aren’t having fun’ isn’t the same as following ones dreams.

If this was about you following your dreams you’d do what needed to be done (pay off debt) so you could pursue your dream, that’s not what’s happening here, you’re simply running from responsibility.

Welcome to being an adult, it’s not always rainbows and sunshine. Do what you feel you need to do but recognize eventually you will need to grow up.

What caused you to stop working for yourself in order to take this job?

Is finding another job an option?