Ex and I matched on Tinder.

So, my ex and I originally met on tinder 7 months ago. We broke up on August 30. Communication had gotten bad and he decided to end it with me. Well today I decided to hit up tinder out of boredom. And there he was. I do still have feelings for him so I swiped right. A few hrs later I got a match and it was him! I'm kind of shocked. And apparently so was he. We both thought the other was mad at each other and hadn't reached out.

I jokingly asked him why he swiped right on me.... he said because he had wanted to ask me out again eventually. . But hes still timid around questions. So I left it alone and kept the short conversation positive and happy. I still dont know what to think of this situation especially only a month after break up. Any thoughts or opinions?

Don't bother with guys who waffle like this.

He broke up with you, but eventually wants to ask you out again? Girl, that is code for "if my other options dry up, I will see if you're still waiting for me."

Next.

Yep sounds like he would like to have you as an option. Don't let him.

In this situation, you're better off moving forward, not backward. Keep in mind he ended it and he never initiated contact.

he decided to end it with me.

 

he had wanted to ask me out again eventually.

Yeah you dont need to be an option for this guy who doesnt know what he wants.

Don't be an option for him, he will probably try to string you along. Keep yourself busy, so you don't text with him if you have nothing to do. Good luck!

Tinder is a computer program that does not take into account all of the factors that drove you & your EX apart. Until you have addressed & resolved the issues that broke you up in the 1st place, what is the point of going backwards to a relationship that wasn't working?

Especially since this was Tinder, he swiped right for some easy EX-sex. It wouldn't be tough to fall into bed without dealing with the problems, then walking away on the grounds that you aren't together anymore.

I’ve never used Tinder specifically - but if it works like the “meet me” feature in POF - I just wanted to point out that some (most?) guys swipe right on everyone just to figure out who the match was... It’s a way to “cheat” the system to reveal their prospects. Once they know who is interested, THEN they decide if they reciprocate.

I wouldn’t expect him to tell you this - especially if you originally matched on Tinder. I doubt that confession would be forth-coming.

Hence the “I might want to ask you out again one day” without the offer of a date...

I would not read anything into it. At all. If he didn’t actually ask you out, it meant nothing (and actually - you initiated it...)

People match with their exes all the time on Tinder and all other "matching" type sites, which is basically......all of them. It's basically just age, location, gender, and.....voila.....a match.

I joked that on one site, there was no one left to whom I hadn't already been married, lol.

Just unmatch from him and move on. Yes, he's keeping you as an option. You're better than an option.

I wouldn't think anything of it. He ended the relationship and now he's "timid"? You still seem emotionally attached and a bit wobbly over the break up. What was it about the communication that ended the relationship? Did he think that you were a poor communicator or vice versa? It seems like a lousy reason to break up with someone. Being a clear communicator is a skill and many couples learn/grow together by improving that skill.

Is there a block feature on Tinder?

Well today I decided to hit up tinder out of boredom. And there he was. I do still have feelings for him so I swiped right.

Yes there is, you can unmatch/block people.

Is there a block feature on Tinder?

Yes there is, you can unmatch/block people.

...must be someone was bothering Kim on Tinder! Perhaps it was Wiseman???

Ok. Then the routine after a breakup should be: delete and block from all messaging apps, social media...And dating apps, right? Why date retreads?

Yes there is, you can unmatch/block people.

I realize I might be a back up plan. I know he has feelings for me and he even told me that he loved me at the time of break up. We both talked a lot about stuff that bothered us in the relationship but no one was listening to the other. I became a bit needy and insecure in the relationship as well which he kept telling me would push him away. And well it did. And now a month after break up I feel much better and not needy and I don't even care hes on tinder looking for anyone else. I mean I'm there too. I know deep down it bothers him. I know what we had and so does he. If it's meant to be it will be. I'm not waiting around for him, but if and when he decides to take me out, I'll decide if I'm still interested.

Side note. 3 weeks ago I got so mad at him I deleted him from Facebook. And it hurt him so much that I lashed out to that extreme. And since then I've deactivated my Facebook and he thought I blocked him. Hes even been Googling me (I know this because certain sites or apps like LinkedIn notify me) so there is something there. Maybe hes treading lightly. Idk time will tell

Hes even been Googling me (I know this because certain sites or apps like LinkedIn notify me) so there is something there.

This is creepy especially considering he broke up with you. Is this a long distance relationship/have either of you met each other? How much time did you spend with each other in person?

It seems you're incompatible, if just being yourself "pushes him away". All you really "know" is that he ended things.

I became a bit needy and insecure in the relationship as well which he kept telling me would push him away.

I know deep down it bothers him.

I know what we had and so does he.

I know this because certain sites or apps like LinkedIn notify me.

We saw each other on a regular basis. Not long distance. I think he was trying to figure out what happened to me.

Indulge me as I share with you an unfortunate moment in my life to shed some light on this moment in yours.

Not long after my last big breakup, instigated by me but it was rubble on all sides, I went on Tinder. Because I was bored and lonely, sure. But also? That's where I'd "met" my girlfriend three years earlier, and some twisted-up part of my brain (heart? loins?) thought maybe we could re-meet on there. Like, you know, we'd each swipe right, chat lightly in that silly box from long ago, forget and forgive everything, meet for a glass of wine and—can you hear the swell of the drumroll?—reclaim "the thing we have" and ride unicorns toward the rainbows.

Um, nope.

What, really, was all that? (And, yeah, we "matched" again.) That was just two people doing what everyone on planet earth has done after breakups for thousands of years: flailing and struggling to let go. Will swiping help me let go? Will hooking up help? Will swiping right on my ex help? Such are the senseless questions that make sense to the flailing person. Always wise, in these moments, to look in the mirror every day and, no matter what you see, remind yourself that the person reflecting back at you is a person flailing. (I did this, hence I unmatched and blocked a few hours later. Phew! Close call!)

You are flailing. He is flailing. Two flailing people—exes or not—do not ride unicorns toward rainbows. They ride, at best, bucking bulls that toss them into the dirt after a few glorious seconds.

You're trying, right now, to find logic where there is no logic. I promise you, for instance, that no one, in describing how they got back together happily, described the moment they were unfriended on Facebook, then maybe blocked, before they Googled up a storm that was detected through the algorithm of LinkedIn, at which point "real" feelings were seen, and then confirmed through Tinder between chats and matches with randoms, leading to connection where prior there was disconnection. Dig me?

Everyone, whether "dumper" or "dumpee," to use the reductive language of modern times, wonders about their ex after a breakup, and kinda longs for them. We live in a time where exes can be Googled, peeked and poked at through social media, and so there is almost always a little phase of that. You are in that phase. It is meaningless. His Googling you is closer to me Googling "cat riding surfboard" than it is a human expressing love.

That doesn't mean you two didn't have something special, and real. It just means that what that something was is no more, but that both of you are still working toward wrapping your heads and hearts around that jagged fact. It's hard. It's a process. This is the process.

I became a bit needy and insecure in the relationship as well which he kept telling me would push him away. And well it did. And now a month after break up I feel much better and not needy and I don't even care hes on tinder looking for anyone else. I mean I'm there too.

 

Side note. 3 weeks ago I got so mad at him I deleted him from Facebook.

When you are feeling needy & insecure, those feelings don't go away in a month. It takes months, possibly years to undo psychological damage. 3 weeks ago you were still so upset you blocked him. You are no where near ready to go back with him. He's still the same guy who is going to continue to engage in behaviors that made you feel needy & insecure.

What's the point of going backward?

Him looking you up does not mean he wants you back. It just means he's curious, possibly lonely or nostalgic. If there was something to be saved he'd be straightforward with you. He's playing games

We saw each other on a regular basis. Not long distance. I think he was trying to figure out what happened to me.

Ok. Then let him spend his own sweet time figuring things out. Eventually he'll connect the dots. Keep things simple. Don't play mind games and don't be so naive with the tinder or dating/hook up sites matching. It all seems very exciting especially if you still have feelings for someone but it shouldn't be very amusing.

This person let you go and he let you down too. The relationship ended. If you had issues being insecure before it's showing again. Have some self-respect.

If he really appreciated you he would have taken the time to get to know you as a person and both of you would have worked out your communication problems in a more mature way. Hightailing it because a partner has questions or is feeling vulnerable/insecure is a lowly way of not being able to work things out together.

It sounds as though you are projecting what you feel and think onto him. He never contacted you so if he wanted to figure anything out he would have. He merely responded to your Tinder contact that "he was thinking about....", when you asked him You're the one thinking about him, contacting him and wondering what if etc.

I think he was trying to figure out what happened to me.