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Thread: long term long distance relationship

  1. #1

    long term long distance relationship

    so my bf of 8 months and i recently left for college about 4 hours away from each other. we started struggling with being so far away from each other and he says he wants to take a break because he doesnít wanna trap me in a relationship he doesnít know if he sees a future of us keeping up long distance for 4 years of college. we both still love each other and i just donít know how to deal with this.

  2. #2
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    I would let him go. Give him space and freedom. He's simply telling you he's not willing to put in the effort to keep up the relationship and, understandably, he probably wants to be free to pursue dating and social opportunities in his new school. I know it's upsetting and disappointing but trying to convince him otherwise just is not a good look. It's possible in the future you'll get back together but do your very best to let go, ok?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    When someone shows you the door, draw a map so that you never go back in that direction.

    This is over. He's letting you down gently and while there's some residual feelings there (connection, affection, care), he's distracted by his new school and new friends.

    You deal with it by being a grown up and asking yourself what you want: is it to be stuck in a lousy relationship where someone is lukewarm about you or is it to be free to meet new people and try new things in this new chapter in your life? Do you want to be worried sick and anxious all the time looking back at this moment when you know you should have taken a hint or do you want to travel light and leave room for new experiences? Limit your time chatting with each other also and be respectful of what a break really means. It should mean privacy on both sides and room to heal and move forwards.

    Since he's called the break you have no choice but to move forwards. Don't drown looking back at what you've lost. Keep swimming and keep your head forward.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your bf is realistic which you should appreciate even though it's hard for you to see this now. Being 4 hours away from each other is not going to work. I'm sure there are stories out there where it could work but it is highly unlikely. I'm sorry for your heartbreak.

    It's better to be with someone who is local for obvious reasons. Love does not conquer all, unfortunately.

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  6. #5

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    I totally get how in love you are and why you refuse to see the logic in what your guy is saying. I was young once too, so I understand how you can feel like this. However, you must let go. You will both meet new people and I am not saying that you will be unfaith and disloyal, but that's just how things are, especially because you both are still young. Do what your bf says. Break up, see other people. When you are both done with school and you still feel the same for each other, then maybe you can pursue the relationship.

    An LDR at this point in time is just going to be very exhausting for both of you. Of course when you break up you will miss him, but that is a normal natural reaction to breakups. Let yourself miss him but don't act on it. Meet with friends, go out and mingle with new people, and above all else: concentrate on your studies. Lots of other peoople have succesful long-distance relationsships, but those have been tested by time already, with the parties involved being mature and having had many experiences in their lives to keep them grounded in the relationship.

  7. #6
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    I know this is really tough, but he is being realistic. I suggest that you go complete no contact, it will help you move on.

    I'm sorry for what you are going through.

  8. #7
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    Brace yourself for a break-up, OP. He's trying to soften the blow now by asking for a break, but a break will do nothing to solve the distance problem.

    I know it sucks, but he's right that this probably won't work. You're too far apart and already the relationship isn't going well. Imagine another 4 years of this. My guess is that he's seeing what college life is like for the first time and wants his independence.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Enjoy your campus life. Make new friends. Join groups, clubs, sports, etc. focus on great grade and your career path. He simply doesn't want to be tied down and wants to grow and experience college life, you could do the same. Feel free to date. He probably wants to do that also. For now pull back and focus on where you are now.
    Originally Posted by smith1111
    we started struggling with being so far away from each other and he says he wants to take a break because he doesnít wanna trap me in a relationship

  10. #9
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    You deal with it by realizing that yours is another HS romance smashed on the rocks of college. He wants to explore. He sees all these hot coeds at his school & he wants to be part of that. He doesn't want to cheat. He's trying to get out of things with you but he's not bad a guy & hates being the source of the pain he's causing you by trying to end things. He also doesn't want stuff to be weird or hostile when you come home for breaks.

    There is no such thing as "time off" in a relationship. You are either fully together or you are broken up. It will be cleaner & less painful if you just agree to end things.

    Once he's out of your life you will be free to explore all the hot new guys in your school.

  11. 10-11-2019, 04:58 AM


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