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Thread: What to do

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Perhaps go back to counselling to open lines of communication again. It may provide a safe place to get to the root of things, why she lies and needs this much extracurricular male attention. Often people go through phones because they suspect something, but then don't use the info they find because they don't want to admit to snooping. A real catch-22. Confront things in therapy.
    Originally Posted by confussed11
    After some counselling, we seemed to get back the spark and we then had our 2nd child.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Confused,

    Those that know me in real life and even on here know I am a pretty strong man with a lot of character that I continually build on each day. I don't take crap from anyone and I am pretty darn self assured. Having said all that you would think this guy tossed his wife out as soon as he had proof she was cheating. I gave her 3 chances but I am not embarrassed that I did. I hadn't found this place yet and even if I had I might have done the same thing. I think the chances I gave her were not for her, but for me so I didn't have to face the unknown, a divorce, my son, my family and friends. I wanted the easy way out with as little pain as possible. I am human like you.

    Long story short my ex wife kept cheating with the same loser but attempted to hide it better. It didn't work and eventually I pulled my head out of my butt and did what HAD to be done. Now I look at what she did to our family as a huge favor. She is still the same selfish bitter person that can't seem to be happy like she has always been and I am happier now than anytime with her. My son and I are close and talk frequently and most of all he trusts me and respects me.

    You can come up with a thousand excuses to stay and just survive but at what cost? Your soul will be lost to this if you simply ignore it.

    There is no rush to act as you wrap your head around all this (I know your head is spinning and you cannot get the thoughts out of your head) but you need to take action on the things you can control.

    Get some legal advice. Even if it is Google searches just to give you an idea what you may be facing.
    Be realistic. Why would you need to start a new career? Do you work for her dad?
    Do some reading on how what you are proposing will affect your children. Don't think for a moment they will not figure this all out because they will and they will be affected by being raised by a shell of a man.
    You are not in a strong enough position emotionally or factually to confront her so be patient and keep getting stronger while you gather more proof. The proof is more for you than to confront her with. Once you know for sure you don't really need to hear her say "Yes I am screwing other men"
    Be good to yourself and DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF not matter what anyone says. This is not your fault, cheating is never the fault of the victim. During the time you are getting your feet back under you focus on your children and making that relationship as awesome as possible.

    In the end you need to remember you have a choice in all this. What you choose takes time, knowledge and a lot of strength.

    Keep posting, it will help

    Lost

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