He cheated - advice please.

My boyfriend cheated on me twice with his ex only a week after we became official and even photographed their sexual inter course. Throughout our relationship, he has been entertaining/flirty messaging with several girls aswell as saving sexual images and videos they have sent him. I feel so confused right now, I love him but I feel so heartbroken by what he’s done. I’ve decided to have a break for a couple days where we don’t speak to or see one another so I can decide what to do.

I feel like saying, during this break he can do what he likes, whether that be that he sleeps with someone else and/or talk to other girls, etc. but I do want to know at the end of our ‘break’ truthfully what he’s done.

My theory is that, if in these 2-3 days he DOES start messaging girls again and/or has sex with someone else, it double confirms in my head that he is not worth my time. Because if he was, he’d be wanting me those days, not the freedom for others. In a weird way I feel it will help me decide what I need to do. I’m not gonna lie if he was to do anything then yes I would be very hurt but I would have to deal with that. Do you think this is a good idea to give him that complete freedom for 2-3 days or should I just say we need space for 2 days to think about what we both want?

He sounds awful and will never be faithful. I normally like to be a little less blunt, but run for the hills and be thankful you found out early in your relationship

I have to ask OP where is your self respect? You need to leave now! Never put up with less then you deserve.

I know, I just feel so lost at the moment. In my head I know exactly what I need to do but I’m battling with wanting to sort this out unfortunately.

What is there to think about? He's clearly demonstrated what he's made of, which is a low life with the IQ of a turnip.

It's time to raise the bar, and leave this clown in the dust.

I also generally like to avoid being blunt, but sometimes it's needed. This is one of those times.

Your boyfriend is awful, treats you awfully. You know this. Why create another test to see if he's awful or not? He's physically cheated on you twice (that you know of) and has repeatedly engaged in infidelity since in the form of messaging other women in ways that no one should do inside a relationship.

You want to know how he'll spend these 2-3 days? He will spend them in exactly the way he has spent being with you: getting with other women, or trying to. How on earth could you expect anything different. He does that when not on a break. You think being on a break will turn him into the committed boyfriend he has ever been while being your boyfriend?

I can bash this guy till the cows come home. But that's an easy target. A blind man can hit that bullseye. Time for you to train your sites on another target: yourself. Time to figure out why even one cell in your body is drawn to it, so you can remove that cell and be repelled by whatever it is that is currently attracting you to a man like him.

You need to get to a doctor for STD testing. He is on/off with her and with you and who knows who else

Does he video your sex acts? You know what he's doing so why be part of his porn ring/sex circus?

Delete and block this bozo. 🤡 Never look back.

My boyfriend cheated on me twice with his ex only a week after we became official and even photographed their sexual inter course. Throughout our relationship, he has been entertaining/flirty messaging with several girls aswell as saving sexual images and videos they have sent him.

Thankyou, I do appreciate the bluntness and honesty. Sometimes that’s just what you need.

Take a break? He is gonna continue to cheat on you whether you are on a break or back together. This break is for YOU, to get some sense in your head to dump this chump.

I'm not sure he even thinks he's your boyfriend. Did either of you ever speak about that or did he explicitly ever say that you both were an exclusive couple? You mentioned "official" but he clearly doesn't think the same way you do.

Giving him "freedom" verbally is not going to change anything he's already done. Be more realistic about what's going on. If someone is not in love with you the way you want to be loved or it's not mutual, be clear with yourself and don't be afraid to face that this isn't making you happy.

He has shown you his level of integrity. He has proven to you he cannot be trusted.

But yet you want to give him yet another chance and test him to see if he has any integrity and if he can be trusted?

Does that make any sense to you?

Believe you deserve better.

Yeah we had the chat - he initiated it and we both agreed when our relationship became official that we would NOT be seeing or talking to others.

No, you’re right. Thankyou

How old are you and your boyfriend?

Day ,two or a week won't matter. He will always do what he wants to do. Doubt he will share with you after these a few days what he was doing.

For your own sanity, leave. There is nothing to think of here. Let him do whatever he wants to do.

You can do better than that. I am sorry you are going through this.

I’m 23yo and he is 28yo.

I agree with all the others: LEAVE him, now! Don't give him another chance, OP; he doesn't deserve it after his appalling behaviour. Come on, where is your self respect? You know what to do in your heart. Follow that advice and run the other way. He's a cheater and a liar (which is unforgivable, IMO). If he behaves like this now, what do you think he'll do in the future???? Don't reward his disgusting behaviour by taking him back. Get a grip on yourself, please.

Yeah we had the chat - he initiated it and we both agreed when our relationship became official that we would NOT be seeing or talking to others.

Ok. Time to let go. There is nothing left here and you have everything you need. If you are still looking for a sign to stay, be prepared for a lot of heartache and headache. I'd also check in with therapy or some other form of counselling as you are not in a good place mentally or emotionally.

I think you've known what type of man he is for a long time and you just keep giving him room to walk all over you and make excuses for him. Whatever is drawing you to him, whatever sex appeal he has or power over you, be humble enough to acknowledge when it's just not enough. Whatever great man you think he is, he isn't great enough.

Every moment you spend letting someone take advantage of you this way is every moment that you keep kicking yourself further and further into a dark hole. Have some self-respect.

Surely you cant be so thick that you think you'll give him 2-3 days to do as he pleases and that he wont say he didnt screw anyone else and you'll believe him! He'll be in bed with the first female who will have him. He's a louse and a cheater. You need to get checked for STDs and move on and be more selective with the next guy.

He may seem grown up to you, but he's really just a sleazeball.

I’m 23yo and he is 28yo.

Do you think this is a good idea to give him that complete freedom for 2-3 days

You are, unfortunately, too afraid and attached to him to tell him to go to hell and never contact you again. This guy is incapable of maintaining monogamy and it means NOTHING if he doesn't do anything with other women while you're on this silly break... he will just do it after the break is over if he hasn't done it during.

Take yourself out of your denial and get yourself away from him. He will shred you worse if you stay with him and THAT I can guarantee. Hitch up your self-respect and bounce on him.

Girl.

This man doesn't love you and he never has.

It's absurd that you're still with him, and it makes me sad to read that you're thinking of trying to work things out. There is nothing to work out. He doesn't care enough.

I tried to "make it work" with a chronic cheater. I chose to stay with him, thinking if I was just the coolest girlfriend ever he'd realize how great I was and how much I loved him and he'd stop cheating.

He continued to cheat, until he finally fell in love with a younger woman he was cheating on me with. He dumped me for her.

Trying to make it work got me nothing but dumped. I felt stupid. I'm still mad at myself for not just walking away.

Don't make the same mistake.

PS: why try to make it work? Why do you want to stay? And a better reason than "but I LOVE him!!!!", please.

Yeah we had the chat - he initiated it and we both agreed when our relationship became official that we would NOT be seeing or talking to others.

He completely disrespected you by cheating on you and flirting inappropriately with other girls. Genuine question: What is there to think about?

A mature man shows respect. You deserve to be with a good man.

I'd make this break permanent. Nothing good can come from staying involved with this guy.

I went thru similar with my ex. I stayed after I found out he cheated in hopes he wouldn't do it again, but it never stopped. It actually got worse. I wasted time waiting on him to change. Don't waste your time. Have more respect for yourself than I did. I wish now that I had left sooner. Trust me, you will be happier and you will find someone who will love and appreciate you! Good luck