Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Confused in Long distance

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2

    Confused in Long distance

    I need some advice. I am in a long distance relationship and have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. Everything had been going great. He was respectful, called me often, talked about our future. We met each otherís families and took turns making the drive. Over the past month, however, I have felt distance. He talks about the future less, I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive. He still calls/texts me everyday. He still always wants to hang out when I do ask, but whereas I normally would stay Saturday and Sunday, he always seems busy and ready to be alone when Sunday afternoon rolls around. He is less affectionate but we are still intimate and kiss and hug. We donít fight and laugh a lot when we are together. He still tells me he loves me, he says it first. We Snapchat a lot in the evenings so I am fairly certain he isnít cheating. He has went to the bars just a couple times with his friends, who are single. He has had a lot of stress and anxiety over the past month. He is having trouble sleeping due to this and says he is overwhelmed. So I donít know if this is the cause or he has changed his mind about me. Being in a long distance relationship, itís easy to imagine the worst, but his behavior has changed. For all I know he may have met someone else and is talking with her. I understand being stuck in your own mind due to anxiety but I donít know why I am getting pushed away over it. Obviously I need to ask him. But I wanted some objective opinions on what could be going on and also just how to ask as well.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,796
    Gender
    Male
    How did you meet and how did this distance happen? Are either of you away for work or education? How long is the drive? Do you both live at home with parents? Why would you pursue a long distance situation?

    You need to pull back. Do not drive there as often, do not initiate as often and do not chitchat all day/all night. Give each other breathing room. The situation is too much/too soon and you are growing bored of each other and from the suffocation.

    You need to maintain your own life and friends and keep up with work/school. You must have a life outside of him and not overstay your welcome or always pursue, chase, drive text etc. etc.

    Originally Posted by Heath88
    We met each otherís families and took turns making the drive.
    I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive.
    I normally would stay Saturday and Sunday
    He has went to the bars just a couple times with his friends, who are single.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,710
    Gender
    Female
    I am usually the one initiating plans, making the drive.

    That's your biggest mistake. Never put in more effort. If you've driven there last, it's his turn to suggest driving your way, and if he makes no plan to do so, or if it's way too long in between visits, then you tell him that sort of relationship isn't working for you.

    Otherwise, how are you gauging another's interest when you're doing all the heavy lifting? Because sometimes a guy is a coward and doesn't want to go through the drama of breaking up, but will stop putting in effort because he no longer cares.

    One of the many cons of LDRs is that you don't date at a normal pace. Instead of brief get togethers a couple of times a week, you're forced to spend long amounts of time together, too soon. So if he needs space when Sunday comes, that's a signal of too much time together at this point. So if it's your plan to move in together at a year, or whatever your timeline, what do you think will happen then? That things will go smoothly, when you haven't benefited from the more normal pace of local dating? Highly doubtful.

    I'd pull way back on your efforts and let him take the lead. If he lets things slide and fade away, don't beg. As the saying goes, "Your feet take you to where your heart is." If his don't bring him near you, take that clear answer and walk away.

    If you decide to close the distance, I'd actually set up separate living arrangements at the beginning so you can date at normal pace before making the major decision of living together. It's less smothering than being together, all of a sudden 24/7. And if you move his way, make sure to establish your own activities and friendships quickly, so that it's not smothering to him that he's the sole center of your universe.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,878
    Gender
    Female
    Drive over less. I think you're burnt out. Chill out and recharge. Do not spend the entire weekend together. This gets stale very fast. Have your own life and set of hobbies, your friends and engage in other activities, enjoy new things.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2
    Hi, we donít see each other every single weekend. Usually 3/4 weekends per month. And we usually do things with our friends one night per weekend no matter what. I have a busy social life during the week as well. We just send quick messages twice throughout the day for like 5 minutes and otherwise just talk at night. So I didnít think we were overdoing it too much. But I will pull back some more and see what happens. Obviously I donít want to be with someone who doesnít want to be with me but he still makes future plans so maybe thereís something else? Thanks!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,878
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like the honeymoon period is wearing off. My favourite part. You'll both get to know each other a bit more. Take it as an opportunity/challenge and don't be phased by the small stuff. Appreciate each other.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •