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Thread: Girlfriend left me for her ex. Struggling to accept it and move on

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend left me for her ex. Struggling to accept it and move on

    I was in a relationship for 6 months, which abruptly came to an end last month. She left me without giving me a reason and would not talk to me at all for a couple of weeks. I still had her on Facebook but it was obvious that she had changed her settings so I could not see anything she was posting. I did eventually hear from her and she apologised to me, and told me that she was feeling overwhelmed and emotional so ran away. A week before she vanished she told me I made her happy and that she loved me. I told her I wanted to be able to at least give her her stuff back that she left at mine and say goodbye to her, and she said she would like to see me but it would be too difficult for her right now. I messaged her again on Friday and she has not replied.


    I found out from a friend at the weekend that she has gone back to her ex. My friend showed me the relationship status and photos that had been hidden from me on Facebook. This really stung because when we got together, she told me that her ex boyfriend was abusive to her. They were together for 7 years.

    I still have her stuff at mine. I don't want to keep it here but I can't bring myself to throw it out. I unfriended her on facebook but I still have her number. I'm struggling to move on from this and have been in tears most days since she left, and it has gotten worse since I found out that she is back with her ex. I love her and don't want her to put herself in a dangerous relationship with her ex again. And I'm angry that she has dealt with this situation in such an immature and hurtful way. I question if she ever did genuinely love me like she said she did.
    The only options I have in regards to her belongings are to throw them out or leave them at reception where she works. I think I'm struggling the most with the fact I never got real closure and a goodbye from her.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  2. #2
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    Give her a deadline to collect her things. If she doesn't collect then chuck the things, block and delete.

    If she's in danger it's only because she put herself back there. Some women are wired to like this all over the place insecure feeling. You can't save her from herself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like they were on/off all along and you got caught in the crossfire of their insanity. Consider it a blessing she's gone and delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps. Her psycho ex could track you down so stay away from her and her work place.

    Make one attempt to notify her/return her things. If she blows it off, toss it. You don't need a mess like her in your life. The closure is her dumping you. Do not chase damaged women like this. Dating isn't social work or a rescue mission. Next time someone leads in with their 'abusive/psycho/whatever ex'...Run.
    Originally Posted by DanAbnormal
    I was in a relationship for 6 months, which abruptly came to an end last month.I found out from a friend at the weekend that she has gone back to her ex. My friend showed me the relationship status and photos that had been hidden from me on Facebook.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by DanAbnormal
    I was in a relationship for 6 months, which abruptly came to an end last month. She left me without giving me a reason and would not talk to me at all for a couple of weeks. I still had her on Facebook but it was obvious that she had changed her settings so I could not see anything she was posting. I did eventually hear from her and she apologised to me, and told me that she was feeling overwhelmed and emotional so ran away. A week before she vanished she told me I made her happy and that she loved me. I told her I wanted to be able to at least give her her stuff back that she left at mine and say goodbye to her, and she said she would like to see me but it would be too difficult for her right now. I messaged her again on Friday and she has not replied.


    I found out from a friend at the weekend that she has gone back to her ex. My friend showed me the relationship status and photos that had been hidden from me on Facebook. This really stung because when we got together, she told me that her ex boyfriend was abusive to her. They were together for 7 years.

    I still have her stuff at mine. I don't want to keep it here but I can't bring myself to throw it out. I unfriended her on facebook but I still have her number. I'm struggling to move on from this and have been in tears most days since she left, and it has gotten worse since I found out that she is back with her ex. I love her and don't want her to put herself in a dangerous relationship with her ex again. And I'm angry that she has dealt with this situation in such an immature and hurtful way. I question if she ever did genuinely love me like she said she did.
    The only options I have in regards to her belongings are to throw them out or leave them at reception where she works. I think I'm struggling the most with the fact I never got real closure and a goodbye from her.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
    I know you're upset right now, but realize that this chick is completely 100% broken. She went back to someone who is abusive. Is that the kind of person you want to be with - someone who'll take abuse and go back to their abuser? There is something fundamentally flawed with her, so take it as a huge gift that she went back to him and left you. She's willfully putting herself in danger. What kind of ed up person does this?

    Give her a deadline to pick up her stuff and once she picks it up, delete her phone number immediately and block her on every platform. If you stay in contact with her SHE WILL KNOW YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER AND USE YOU AS A BACKUP PLAN AND RUN BACK TO YOU WHENEVER HE HURTS HER AGAIN. There is a reason I used all caps, because it is important that the sooner you realize this the better it'll be for you.

    She gave you the gift of dodging the bullet, do NOT squander that gift.

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  6. #5
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    Get her stuff back to her. Mail it if you have to. But you need it away from you.

    Then focus on your healing. I know it's a cliché but it wasn't you; it was her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What everyone else is saying.

    Truth is, she doesn't care about those things. Truth is, you probably don't really care about getting them back to her and saying goodbye. You're still holding on, still looking for a way in, a hook to reel her back. Ninety percent of the time what people mean by "closure" is "keeping the door open." You get closure when you decide to close the door.

    Totally human, all that, but time cut the line and close the door so you can tend to your own house, your own heart. One text, with a firm date at which they need to be picked up. No reply equals put it in the trash or in the mail—whatever you prefer.

    Maybe her ex is abusive, maybe she told you he was abusive because she was super hurt about them. Maybe she's emotionally unhinged, or maybe she's a cool woman you met at the wrong time. Doesn't really matter. She had major unresolved feelings for him when she met you, and while whatever she felt for you was as genuine as she could offer it was also an attempt to "resolve" those feelings by replacing them with new ones, like quitting smoking by taking up cocaine. Sucks. Hurts. But it is a thing that happens.

    We can learn from these moments to spot certain signs: if someone is super "intense" fast, for instance, while also telling you plenty about their awful ex, it is often a sign that they are not really available. But the best thing to learn is our own resiliency—to learn to let go of things that don't serve us—so we don't let a few months of our lives turn us into bitter and cynical people. She is not worth that. No one is.


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