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Thread: Canít talk to my BF about his cross dressing and Fetishes

  1. #1
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    Canít talk to my BF about his cross dressing and Fetishes

    Iíve been with my BF for 10 months and over the last 2 months he has confided in me briefly about him cross dressing. Iíve told him itís fine and then quickly change the subject. Iím not able to talk to him about it. I sit and think about all the things I want to ask and talk about but the words wonít come out my mouth. Its on my mind all the time and feels like itís eating me up. Im a very open minded woman, at least I like to think I am. I believe people should be who they are as long as it doesnít hurt anyone. Iím at the point now when Iím thinking of ending the relationship because Iím not sure I can deal with it. I have my own issues and Iím quite fragile at the moment. Thereís other things that are bothering me too that Iím unable to openly talk to him about. Heís such a good man and I know heíd be open and honest with me but I just canít do it. I donít know if Iím scared of the answers, I just donít know. Please help me

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My guess is you are scared of the answers you'd get to your questions. Maybe you are open minded when it comes to other people but not when it's your boyfriend. If this is too much for you then you should end the relationship, you cant keep going on the way you are.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok, go with your gut. If things don't feel right to you for whatever reason, just tell him it's not working out. Dating and attraction are not politically correct situations. It's based on compatibility and communication, both of which are lacking here.
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Its on my mind all the time and feels like itís eating me up.
    Iím at the point now when Iím thinking of ending the relationship because Iím not sure I can deal with it.
    Thereís other things that are bothering me too that Iím unable to openly talk to him about.

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    Well if you're going to be ending the relationship, what have you got to lose? Let it out and talk....

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....he sure wasn't open and honest with you for the past 10 months. In fact, he was quite manipulative. Dating you and developing attachment and only then disclosing a rather significant piece of information about himself. This isn't about you being open minded, this is about him depriving you of making that choice early on. You've been duped and yes, if you feel shocked and bad about it, you should be. You should also be more honest with yourself about your feelings regarding this. This isn't a small lie, it's huge and relationships based on lies don't work too well. It would be different if he just decided to delve into that.

    Whether cross dressing is acceptable to you in a romantic relationship is up to you to figure out. However, I wouldn't recommend accepting a guy who will lie to you for months about who he is and what he is into. What else has he lied about that you don't know? Lying is a character issue and a highly problematic one.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. No one needs a bait and switch like that. Why put up with this when you can simply yell him it's not working for that and all the other things?
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    In fact, he was quite manipulative. Dating you and developing attachment and only then disclosing a rather significant piece of information about himself. Lying is a character issue and a highly problematic one.

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    Itís so hard because I feel like I love him. Iíve not felt a connection with someone apart from my ex long term partner, ever. I feel so torn. I think thatís why I wonít talk to him about it because I know I canít stay with him once I know it all. I just agonise over it in my head and itís making me feel awful

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    I want to be able to except it and even support him in this but my mind is blown

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why wrap your head around it? It's not for you. He may be a nice guy but this is a deal-breaker. Keep in mind "nice guys" don't lead double lives and deceive.
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    I think thatís why I wonít talk to him about it because I know I canít stay with him once I know it all

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What everyone else is saying.

    Basically, what you learned 2 months ago is that the man you'd spent 8 months getting invested in is not quite the man you thought you were investing in. One, he likes to cross dress. Two, he is not an honest communicator. Odds are that if his Bumble bio read "Into cross dressing and being cagey" you'd have swiped left. So now you kind of have to be honest with yourself and ask if you really want to keep swiping right on himóif you want these two things (crossdressing and caginess) to be part of your relationship, things you "work on" and "work through."

    I don't think you do. It's a bummer, I know, but it might be even more of a bummer to lie to yourself to accommodate someone lying to you.

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