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Thread: Canít talk to my BF about his cross dressing and Fetishes

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Okay, good luck... hope it goes well. It's still early. Better to be totally honest with each other and come to some agreement that there are no more surprises like this. It's not fair to either of you. Now's the time to really, earnestly, get to know each other and see whether there's anything real or potential there in terms of a relationship.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Thank you for allowing me to get my ego stroked, kind of you!
    Iím pleased you got all this sussed, we arenít all so lucky!
    Iím sorry I gave you the impression I have Ďsussedí, not my intention.

    As I stated, itís ok to not be ok with this, if a guy told me he needed to be with someone who sucks toes, Iíd be out, no matter how much we vibed, sucking toes is not my thing, that doesnít mean thereís anything wrong with the person who made the statement, just that we arenít compatible.

    Itís hard for me to ignore the prejudices against sexual preferences that arenít the norm though. Heís not suddenly a degenerate or pervert, heís the same guy youíve grown attached to, he just has a sexual kink or desire that doesnít mesh well and again, thatís ok!

    If youíre turned off by it thatís ok, if itís not so much a turn off but rather looking down on him for his preferences, thatís where we get into not ok territory in my humble opinion. Look how combative youíre becoming with me because you feel Iím judging you, girlfriend I am a stranger on the internet, again, imagine how he feels, cause if youíre judging him based on this well pot meet kettle.

  3. #33
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    Iím not judging him, for the last time. I have absolutely no prejudices against anyoneís sexual preferences, in fact a lot of men do not cross dress for sexual reasons. Why are you making it sexual??

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's very simply. If something turns you off, you stop dating. It has nothing to do with politics, agitators, grand-standing, etc. Ignore that.. Don't be bullied into feeling bad for having your personal tastes and deal-breakers. Trust your gut not internet flamers.
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Iím not judging him, for the last time. I have absolutely no prejudices against anyoneís sexual preferences, in fact a lot of men do not cross dress for sexual reasons. Why are you making it sexual??

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    You are allowed to have your preferences, too. You're not hurting anyone simply by having personal preferences.

  7. #36
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    You can be open-minded, and have liberal attitudes towards others - but that doesn't mean you're obliged to embrace these in your own life. Your guy is into cross-dressing and even though you'd be fine in principle with someone else doing so, it's a different matter when it will become a feature in your own relationship.

    As another, far far more extreme example, I work in a secure mental health hospital and support convicted criminals with mental health issues to engage in art therapy. I'm very fond of all the guys I work with, listen non-judgmentally to their concerns and hopefully help them along the road to recovery.

    I would never in a million years, ever, want a relationship with any of them.

    Being open-minded means, hopefully, that you listen to your own feelings and reactions in the same non-judgmental way that you would other people. Being non-judgmental does not mean lacking in judgment.

    What's really pertinent here is that there are things which are on your mind, which are really bothering you, but you don't feel able to talk to him about them. Also pertinent is the fact that he took so long to tell you, having presented the facade you've fallen in love with. You're in a relationship which you really can't handle right now, and don't give yourself a hard time for admitting that to yourself. In healthy relationships, you don't fear communication with your partner. In healthy relationships, huge secrets aren't kept buried like that.

    In a way, it doesn't really matter what they're about.

    You have a choice here. You can bite the bullet, and ask all those questions you would like to ask - and make any decisions based on the new information you will have; you can carry on as you are, eating your heart out; or you can decide that your first priority is to deal with your own feelings of fragility, and exercise self-care rather than twisting yourself into a pretzel over something you're really not comfortable with.

    Good luck!

  8. #37
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    I don't know, maybe it is just me, but if I found out that someone I was interested in was a cross dresser it would be an instant turnoff and definitely a deal breaker. Why do you hesitate? chi

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why? If it's a turn-off you're not a match and you say good-bye. Dating is not social work.
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    I want to be able to except it and even support him in this? but my mind is blown

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