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Thread: Canít talk to my BF about his cross dressing and Fetishes

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Talk to him about it and ask him what he does, what he likes, what he prefers, doesn't prefer.

    I think you're building it all up in your head and it's doing unnecessary damage and causing you anxiety. It may be he likes the feel of nylon on his skin or the practice of putting on make up (the application that's fun and exciting to him). He may be looking for a specific thing or just into a few aspects of it. Cross-dressing isn't just about switching up a set of clothes or him putting on women's clothes. He may also feel liberated in ways that he doesn't feel in his typical male clothing ensemble. He may also tell you he doesn't like a lot of things and draws the line at clothing instead of actual gender-bending. You don't know all of this if you aren't open to talking about it. I understand you're confused and upset but you'll have to get over it if you want to continue seeing him.

    Just as he wasn't completely honest at the start, you aren't completely honest with him now either if you're having second thoughts about it all. Be mature about it, chat about it with him and get to know each other more. This is only 10 months in. You're supposed to be getting to know each other.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    I matched with a guy on a dating site who ticked all the boxes.
    We chatted for a few days & had so many things in common it was insane.
    He then told me that he likes to wear lingerie while having sex, and that he was looking for a woman who is ok with it and would let him be the feminine one in the bedroom.
    I thought it over, thanked him for being open & honest with me, but I was very sorry, I wasnt the one he was looking for.

    I can see now that he did me a huge favour opening up so early to me.
    I think your bf is very selfish by not giving you the opportunity early on to make the decision whether you wanted to explore this further or not.

  3. #23
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    Figureitout23, I shouldnít have mentioned the looking at phone come to think about it, thatís a separate issue to the cross dressing. Thereís other things that Iím not comfortable disclosing here thatís lead to me to wonder what he gets up to etc I originally came on here to ask advice on getting over this fear of talking to him about the cross dressing

  4. #24
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    Iíve never written on a forum before n itís been good to hear peopleís thoughts on my problem, thanks

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ignore people who tell you you must date politically. Or who shame you into dating someone whose sexuality practices are unattractive to you. Who you date and who and what you are attracted to is personal, not political. You do not have to accept his behavior. You need to do what's right for you and what your gut is telling you.
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Iíve said on here I really like this guy and I would love to get over this and make it work.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's 2019 not 1920 - these kind of lifestyle things are pretty out in the open and acceptable as such. My point is that if he had any basic character, he would have disclosed his lifestyle to you early on. Not saying first date, but long before feelings and attachment grew.

    He was leading a double life and only disclosed it when he was reasonably certain you'll be in the exact emotionally terrible position you are in - you've grown attached, but the lie kills everything. He is a liar and a manipulator and that's the part you need to focus. What he is lying about is essentially irrelevant and kind of gaslighting to you. Focus on the important part - sane people with an ounce of character do not lead double lives for months and months before finally showing you who they really are or that they have something that would significantly impact you and your life together. That is THE reason you dump someone. The trust is not just broken, it's destroyed. You don't deserve this torture, you deserve better and better respect from a man than this. If you continue with him, you will be telling him that being lied to and duped is acceptable behavior to you.

    Being single and having to go back to dating may suck, but how are you feeling right now? Happy and content? Nope. What you are feeling is basically the pain of deceit and the confusion of trying to whitewash it but deep down it's completely against your values. The lying that is.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Figureitout23, I shouldnít have mentioned the looking at phone come to think about it, thatís a separate issue to the cross dressing. Thereís other things that Iím not comfortable disclosing here thatís lead to me to wonder what he gets up to etc I originally came on here to ask advice on getting over this fear of talking to him about the cross dressing
    But you did...

    And the fact that you arenít elaborating is very telling.

    Iíll let you get your ego stroked by others though.

    As far as Iím concerned you are judging him far too harshly when he opened up about something incredibly personal about himself. I understand being wary to discuss it but at the same time as a grown adult who engages in sexual intercourse, youíre afraid to even approach the topic, think about it, how do you think he felt opening up to you. He didnít lie about something huge like his sexual orientation, he didnít even lie he opened up, two different things as far as Iím concerned.

    At the end of the day, youíre asking how to get over the fear of discussing it, just be open and honest and if you decide itís not for you thatís ok!

  9. #28
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    Thank you for allowing me to get my ego stroked, kind of you!
    Iím pleased you got all this sussed, we arenít all so lucky!
    Last edited by Ruby1976; 09-26-2019 at 01:38 PM.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Have you thought about bringing it up or speaking about it with him, Ruby?

  11. #30
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    Yeah, I think about it all the time. I will, I know I have to. Think Iím just trying to get my head around it first. I will speak to him at the weekend, itís whatís best for both of us

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