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Thread: Canít talk to my BF about his cross dressing and Fetishes

  1. #11
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    Wiseman2 you have certainly given me a different way at looking at it

  2. #12
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    You are talking sense bluecastle. Does half upset me tho

  3. #13
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    Iím not making excuses but I donít feel heís lied to me, maybe he was trying to find the right time tell me but I get what youíre saying, if Iíd known this from the start things would have been very different. I hate this

  4. #14
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    I feel like Iím second guessing everything about him. Wondering what else there is. Questioning every word he says trying to read into if it means anything weird. Wondering what heís doing all the time, what he looks at on his phone. Always having an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach but here I am saying nothing not helping myself

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It is hard to break up but isn't it harder to date this way?
    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    I feel like Iím second guessing everything about him. Wondering what else there is. Questioning every word he says trying to read into if it means anything weird. Wondering what heís doing all the time, what he looks at on his phone. Always having an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach but here I am saying nothing not helping myself

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I get that it's all upsetting. That's because it all is upsetting.

    I can go down the easy-on-him path you, the one where he did not mean to lie but was looking for the right time. There's probably lots of truth to that, and sitting here at my computer I've got plenty of sympathy for him. It can be hard to be who we are, let alone sharing who we are with people.

    But all that does not mean the record is not scratched. Significantly scratched.

    I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months. I probably know far less about her than I know. Maybe there are some things she has not yet felt comfortable telling me. But I trust, right now, that whatever those things are will not rock the boat. If say, one of those things was that she wanted to have sex with multiple partners, or was into something sexually that was outside my wheelhouse but didn't feel comfortable telling me this until nowówell, the boat would be rocked and I'd be jumping ship. What ain't for me ain't for me.

    What I think you are doing is taking a kind of universal storyóabout how relationships require patience, about how people are complexóand trying to apply it to a situation that doesn't warrant it, or at least a situation that is not soothed by those universal truths. Hence the spinning, the second guessing, the pit in your stomach. Whatever the cause of that, those are not things that coexist with romantic harmony. In this case, the cause itselfóhis cross dressing, along with his mode of communicating itóis not something that you can coexist with, harmoniously.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So different take....

    No one, emotionally healthy, lays out all their secrets on date one or even month one.

    This isnít something like , hey I have a kid, or Iím still going through a divorce .

    This is something incredibly personal and potential something heís embarrassed about that he trusted you enough to share when he felt it was safe. But clearly it wasnít safe and you judged him for it.

    Not cool in my book but to each their own. If you arenít ok with it you arenít ok with it, that completely your right.

    Breaking it off now rather than later, to me would be the best. He deserves someone who embraces all of him, no judgement that itís not you, itís just reality.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    I feel like Iím second guessing everything about him. Wondering what else there is. Questioning every word he says trying to read into if it means anything weird. Wondering what heís doing all the time, what he looks at on his phone. Always having an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach but here I am saying nothing not helping myself
    This seems more I hate to say, homophobia, than anything else, I donít think itís conscious and Iím not judging but your verbiage right now...

    Like for example... youíre now worried about what he looks at on his phone? What does that have to do with anything? What exactly are you scared he looks at? Were you fearful before?

    I still stand by my original advice. You have every right to like what you like and be comfortable with what you are.

    The added judgement though.... Iím kinda squirming here.

  10. #19
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    Not once have I ever judged him or even thought about his sexuality. I know this my insecurities and my problem. You in turn have straight away judged me! There are a few more things that arenít feeling quite right but I wanted to come on here and try and get peoples takes advice on how to deal with MY problem. As Iíve said on here I really like this guy and I would love to get over this and make it work. Thereís always different opinions and no one is right or wrong, they are just opinions and advice

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ruby1976
    Not once have I ever judged him or even thought about his sexuality. I know this my insecurities and my problem. You in turn have straight away judged me! There are a few more things that arenít feeling quite right but I wanted to come on here and try and get peoples takes advice on how to deal with MY problem. As Iíve said on here I really like this guy and I would love to get over this and make it work. Thereís always different opinions and no one is right or wrong, they are just opinions and advice
    Youíre deflecting.

    Can you answer the question and elaborate on what you mean by youíre now wondering about what he looks up on his phone? And weíre you concerned before he shared this information? What exactly are you concerned to see and why?

    All serious questions, itís not about judging a potential prejudice, whether we like it or not we all have prejudices, often due to our upbringing, religious or moral background etc. itís more exploring it and recognizing it, if you name a fear it makes it easier to work through.

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