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Thread: Just something small I want to write out of my system.

  1. #1
    Member FrozenMoon's Avatar
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    Just something small I want to write out of my system.

    Hey guys!

    I just want to get something small off my chest. Nothing big, just something I want to ventilate and that maybe other people will recognize. :)

    So it's been a while since my last actual relationship (I'm talking probably 2, 3 years). Sure enough, I've dated a few people in the meantime, but nothing's worked out so far. Which, overall, that's fine. It'd be nice to run into someone, but I don't need a relationship to be happy, and most of the times that I'm affected by it there's something else going on in the first place.

    But it recently occurred to me that in the last +/- 10 months, I've really found no one at all who caught my interest. I do realize how that sounds, but I really can't affect it -- I met a whole bunch of amazing people and I couldn't be happier to have them in my life, but I never quite felt any attraction to them. Until last month -- when I suddenly met four (!) at once.

    Time to introduce the problem. I'm both a student (at one course), and a student assistant (at another) where I work alongside the teachers to help other students out with their practicals. In my experience, the relationship any student has (and should have) with their student assistant is just a work-related one. Cause it's just that: work.
    Now of those four people I mentioned earlier, two are actually student assistants for the course that I'm a student in, and one is a student in the course that I'm an assistant for. I swear I haven't made this up-- out of all the people I have met in almost a year, the only three I've been attracted to are all off-limits. (The fourth who would have been an option recently moved back home and out of the country, so he's gone.)

    Now students and student assistants generally are the exact same age -- I could've easily been in class with literally all three of them. In fact, I will be in class with one of them in an upcoming course, because we follow a similar program. But the assistant-student relationship (as opposed to a student-student one) has already been established.

    I shouldn't act, so I don't, simple as that. But dang, why this, haha. I haven't had crushes in so long. It's become so rare to me. I've actually woken up from an unexpectedly emotional dream last night, in which I became close friends with one of them (not even anything more than that!) and felt so strangely sad when I woke up. I'm only human, so I can't control it -- I just feel like my subconscious is trying to rub it in my face.

    A friend and I recently made plans to go to local activities and meet more people, so who knows whether I'll find a new crush eventually. But until then, I'm going to just continue staring off into the distance, wondering if the universe is having fun with this. :P

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    As long as all of you are single, it's not a big deal. Just mind your own business, keep it professional and carry on being happy and lighthearted as you are. Crushes at work are fine as long as you're mature about it and there's no one else involved.

    If you're all in the same courses and just learning to test your thoughts/concepts/ideas and enthusiastic about life in general, it's bound to happen. Birds of a feather will flock together and it's all in good fun. You're enjoying each others' company (you reinforce each other or challenge each other in complimentary ways because you're training or have been trained together).

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Some gut thoughts, reading this:

    I don't think 10 months is a particularly long stretch without finding yourself attracted to someone. Heck, some people would call that a great 10 months. Noise-free, peaceful, and so on. Sounds, all in all, that you're one such person. So, hey, congrats on 10 lovely months!

    To the problem: It's certainly not surprising, since you're all interested and passionate about similar things, and that's generally something that triggers attraction. The halls of offices are paved in crushes, you know?

    And is it really a problem? When the course ends so do the various boundaries that must be respected while the course is in session. It's not like the assistant-student relationship is carved in granite. You got back to being student-students, or former assistants to former studentsóback to being peers, basically, who are free to explore each other.

    Or am I missing something?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean the student and TA situation is really temporary, so it's not all a lost cause. Once they are out of your course or you are out of theirs, it's all fair game. You are all students so once you are no longer in the student/TA situation there is no reason for you not to pursue something.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Four, though? I haven't always been monogamous but that's pushing it for me. I didn't read her as being serious at all about pursuing anything. I could be wrong. OP seemed more lighthearted and more awestruck that someone or a few people might seem interesting to her. Enjoy it!

  7. #6
    Member FrozenMoon's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I don't think 10 months is a particularly long stretch without finding yourself attracted to someone. Heck, some people would call that a great 10 months. Noise-free, peaceful, and so on. Sounds, all in all, that you're one such person. So, hey, congrats on 10 lovely months!
    Hey, I actually haven't thought about it that way, haha. Thank you!

    And thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts!

    We'll definitely be back to all being peers after these two courses. What's bothering me though is, wouldn't it be weird? When I think back to my previous student assistants (excluding the two I'm now attracted to for obvious reasons :P), I don't quite think of them as teachers per say, but they do retain a different label than most other students.
    E.g. one of my assistants from last year is currently in class with me, and to this day, I can't think of him as anything else. I can imagine how awkward I'd feel if he suddenly asked me out, or the other way around, haha. Though to be honest I don't know if that's just me.

    The other thing is I haven't spoken to them outside of the current courses. Especially for the ones that I won't have any follow-up courses with, that'd mean I'd have to approach them near the end of the course, and then I probably won't be able to speak to them one on one. (Though I suppose that problem in particular is not exclusive to my situation).

    I currently don't have any plans to pursue -- it's all just thoughts. I've been writing it off as off-limits so at the moment I'm not invested. Don't get me wrong though; if any opportunities do come my way, I'd still be very glad to take them!

  8. #7
    Member FrozenMoon's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Four, though? I haven't always been monogamous but that's pushing it for me. I didn't read her as being serious at all about pursuing anything. I could be wrong. OP seemed more lighthearted and more awestruck that someone or a few people might seem interesting to her. Enjoy it!
    I should probably also mention that I'm monogamous myself, so by all means I'd still have to choose one out of four (well, three now) if I did decide to pursue anything. :P
    Thank you!
    Last edited by FrozenMoon; 09-25-2019 at 04:55 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep going out with friends and socially broaden your horizons. Join some clubs, groups, volunteering etc where you have regular contact with people you can have some small talk with. You seem to get crushes on those you are around regularly. What lacks is opportunities to be around people regularly that are not just school/work. So start doing more than just school/work or hoping to meet someone at a one-time event. Also try some dating apps. The issue is your "universe" is much too narrow.

  10. #9
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    I would just look at this time as a busy time to develop yourself and don't dive into things. These people could wind up being your professional colleagues down the road. I agree with broadening your social network. But there is no harm in keeping the nose to the grindstone for a little while.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Your ability to use discretion and your unwillingness to settle for anything less than good chemistry is admirable. Don't fret dry spells. Finding true simpatico is rare, because most people won't own the capacity to match your unique vision. That's natural odds, especially with adults who've solidified into their own personalities and have dropped the tendency to homogenize as easily as kids with blank slates.

    Hold out for someone who 'gets' you, and don't try to rush. You'll thank yourself later.

    Head high.


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