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Thread: He came inside me unexpectedly

  1. #11
    EDIT: To add some clarification, we had established previously that I was not comfortable with him climaxing without a condom. I had told him previously to this experience that I don't take BC regularly and would like to use a condom every time before he climaxes. When confronted, all he said was sorry and that his judgment was clouded by alcohol.

  2. #12
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    Maybe if you were to fully understand make sexuality you would know that no matter any agreement, sex is an instinctual act with the obvious and predictable result during the act. It's not an agreement at that point--it's biology.

    Actually, a case can be made that your own instincts took over as well.

    So in the future, ensure your protection BEFORE, not DURING.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Climax canít always be controlled. Use a condom ALL .The. Time. 😳

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by AnnabellLee
    Batya, we had established in the past that we would always use a condom before he came.
    OK and you chose to have sex with him while he was drunk - same as if you'd chosen to have sex with him if he was under the influence of medication or drugs - you can't expect him to take 100% responsibility for BC at that time and you should always check. Yes he should have been more responsible and yes you should avoid having casual sex with someone who is drunk - if you'd been in a serious relationship in all likelihood he would have given it more thought. He probably doesn't care as much whether you get pregnant.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AnnabellLee

    Bluecastle, thank you for offering an objective interjection. I appreciate it. I feel like I'm being crucified.
    But you were attempting to crucify him were you not? By placing all the responsibility on his shoulders, which it is not.

    Try to keep things in perspective.

    What done is done it is what it is. Going forward just be more mindful, casual and condoms go together always.

    Plan B when taken accordingly is pretty effective, and even though you arenít regular on your pills unless youíre skipping months at a time, you seem to be protected on that front as well so, I mean the chances, while there, arenít all that high to be fair, given your worry I have to wonder why you would risk it... me personally in my expiereince, women and men who donít want kids tend to not have kids, they donít have accidents, theyíre pretty darn sure they take an active role in prevention... I find those who are in the middle of the road about it or are simply ignorant to prevention ( young teens/ adults) are the ones who have oops situation. When I got pregnant, it wasnít planned but it wasnít not planned either, if people are honest thatís how many kids are conceived. Again I have yet to cross a person in my life to have a true, Ďoh my god how did this happen we took all the proper precautionsí-baby, not saying it doesnít happen, nothings full proof, I just havenít encountered anyone in my lifetime and I believe I havenít because itís so rare.

    I donít know, no judgement, just food for thought... going forward if youíre sure you donít want kids, take an active role in prevention. Itís not just his responsibility.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I ain't going to crucify you, I'd have to put myself up on the same cross for a night here and there, and I prefer my palms without nails through them. That said, I don't think anyone here is really trying to crucify you. They're just calling what they see, no different than me.

    Anyhow, I don't have much patience for the "wine clouds judgement" argument from anyone, especially from dudes in situations like this. That's just me, a man who has lived for 39 years and has yet to have an orgasm by accident or one I didn't know was, well, coming before it came. Not all of them arrived in a state of sobriety.

    That said, you're both kind of playing with some fire here, as a not insignificant population of the globe exists thanks to the ol' pull out method not being airtight. We all know there are some early, eager swimmers who jump out of the gate before the starting gun fires. In the Olympics they are disqualified; in the bedroom they sometimes lead to babies, or at least pregnancy.

    If you want to have sex without condoms, and want to mitigate the risk of pregnancy without needing plan B, there are easy steps to take. You each get tested. You start taking BC for BC. You communicate limits and build some trust by sticking to those limits. There are still risks in that equation, of course, but they are factored in, risks you are deciding to take instead of being overtaken by them in this manner, you know?

  8. #17
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But you were attempting to crucify him were you not? By placing all the responsibility on his shoulders, which it is not.

    Try to keep things in perspective.

    What done is done it is what it is. Going forward just be more mindful, casual and condoms go together always.

    Plan B when taken accordingly is pretty effective, and even though you arenít regular on your pills unless youíre skipping months at a time, you seem to be protected on that front as well so, I mean the chances, while there, arenít all that high to be fair, given your worry I have to wonder why you would risk it... me personally in my expiereince, women and men who donít want kids tend to not have kids, they donít have accidents, theyíre pretty darn sure they take an active role in prevention... I find those who are in the middle of the road about it are the ones who have oops situation.

    I donít know, no judgement, just food for thought... going forward if youíre sure you donít want kids, take an active role in prevention. Itís not just his responsibility.
    I agree that it is not just his. And I am not blaming just him. I honestly feel so stupid for not using a condom in the first place.

  9. #18
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I ain't going to crucify you. I'd have to put myself up on the same cross for a night here and there, and I prefer my palms without nails through them.

    Anyhow, I don't have much patience for the "wine clouds judgement" argument from anyone, especially from dudes in situations like this. That's just me, a man who has lived for 39 years and has yet to have an orgasm by accident or one I didn't know was, well, coming before it came. Not all of them arrived in a state of sobriety.

    That said, you're both kind of playing with some fire here, as a not insignificant population of the globe exists thanks to the ol' pull out method not being airtight. We all know there are some early, eager swimmers who jump out of the gate before the bell rings. In the Olympics they are disqualified; in the bedroom they sometimes lead to babies, or at least pregnancy.

    If you want to have sex without condoms, and want to mitigate the risk of pregnancy without needing plan B, there are easy steps to take. You each get tested. You start taking BC for BC. You communicate limits and build some trust by sticking to those limits. There are still risks in that equation, of course, but they are factored in, risks you are deciding to take instead of being overtaken by them in this manner, you know?
    Thank you. I will definitely be more careful in the future and take a more active role in making sure we use a condom/ birth control is taken regularly. I would not mind having a child to be honest,but I was not expecting to have one in this manner with this person. If it happens, it happens, I made my bed and I'll have to lay in it. Regardless, I will never be so careless again.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AnnabellLee
    I agree that it is not just his. And I am not blaming just him. I honestly feel so stupid for not using a condom in the first place.
    Donít be. Going forward you now know.

    And again, unless youíre missing most your pills... that on top of plan B... I just think your odds are slim, not impossible, but very very very slim.

    I wouldnít beat myself up too much.

    Lesson learned, this is life. Could have been a much harder lesson!

  11. #20
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But you were attempting to crucify him were you not? By placing all the responsibility on his shoulders, which it is not.

    Try to keep things in perspective.

    What done is done it is what it is. Going forward just be more mindful, casual and condoms go together always.

    Plan B when taken accordingly is pretty effective, and even though you arenít regular on your pills unless youíre skipping months at a time, you seem to be protected on that front as well so, I mean the chances, while there, arenít all that high to be fair, given your worry I have to wonder why you would risk it... me personally in my expiereince, women and men who donít want kids tend to not have kids, they donít have accidents, theyíre pretty darn sure they take an active role in prevention... I find those who are in the middle of the road about it or are simply ignorant to prevention ( young teens/ adults) are the ones who have oops situation. When I got pregnant, it wasnít planned but it wasnít not planned either, if people are honest thatís how many kids are conceived. Again I have yet to cross a person in my life to have a true, Ďoh my god how did this happen we took all the proper precautionsí-baby, not saying it doesnít happen, nothings full proof, I just havenít encountered anyone in my lifetime and I believe I havenít because itís so rare.

    I donít know, no judgement, just food for thought... going forward if youíre sure you donít want kids, take an active role in prevention. Itís not just his responsibility.
    To be perfectly honest, I would not mind having a child. And I think both he and I are on that line. However, I was not expecting it to happen in this way with this person (if it does happen). But you are totally right, I didn't really think about it like that.

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