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Thread: Could it just be a rebound?

  1. #21
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    Im sorry but none of you have any idea what i do for my children. Whether i want him back or not is regardless. I have and always will do right by my children. Even with him around i have practically raised them as a single parent due to us living apart. I do everything for them and i wouldnt have it any other way. I cannot tell you the last time i went anywhere or did anything without atleast one of them with me. I dont want, nor need his money. We have managed just fine so far. He is not on their birth certificates, he refused with our first as he wanted me to have an abortion. If he makes no effort to be apart of their lives then why should i chase around after him. It's better that he's just gone. I have never asked him for any money towards them. Yeah hes brought them things and paid on day trips but i have never had any kind of maintainance and i do not intend to start asking for it now!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not for you, it's for your child.
    Originally Posted by LucyJane84
    II dont want, nor need his money. I have never asked him for any money towards them.

  3. #23
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    I provide for my children. Always have. We don't need anything else. They do just fine and want for nothing

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by LucyJane84
    Im sorry but none of you have any idea what i do for my children. Whether i want him back or not is regardless. I have and always will do right by my children. Even with him around i have practically raised them as a single parent due to us living apart. I do everything for them and i wouldnt have it any other way. I cannot tell you the last time i went anywhere or did anything without atleast one of them with me. I dont want, nor need his money. We have managed just fine so far. He is not on their birth certificates, he refused with our first as he wanted me to have an abortion. If he makes no effort to be apart of their lives then why should i chase around after him. It's better that he's just gone. I have never asked him for any money towards them. Yeah hes brought them things and paid on day trips but i have never had any kind of maintainance and i do not intend to start asking for it now!
    He sounds like a real prize. Next time, be more selective in your choice of men, as it is the kids who suffer.

    You will pursue support if you put your children's interest first. This is for them.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by LucyJane84
    Im sorry but none of you have any idea what i do for my children. Whether i want him back or not is regardless. I have and always will do right by my children. Even with him around i have practically raised them as a single parent due to us living apart. I do everything for them and i wouldnt have it any other way. I cannot tell you the last time i went anywhere or did anything without atleast one of them with me. I dont want, nor need his money. We have managed just fine so far. He is not on their birth certificates, he refused with our first as he wanted me to have an abortion. If he makes no effort to be apart of their lives then why should i chase around after him. It's better that he's just gone. I have never asked him for any money towards them. Yeah hes brought them things and paid on day trips but i have never had any kind of maintainance and i do not intend to start asking for it now!
    You're right, we did not have any idea what you do for your children. You did not provide the bolded details above when you opened this thread, so we had to go by the limited information you did offer. I don't think any of us here could have imagined the backstory on this.

    With the information you gave in your reply above, it is very clear your relationship was not as great and happy as you initially made it sound. Perhaps that was you trying to convince yourself that things had been fine before he met someone else. But OP, I think it's time you got real with yourself.

    From the first post, many of questioned this man's willingness and ability to be a decent partner for you. Now you're here admitting he's not on the birth certificate and even wanted you to abort one of the children. The more you write, the more it's confirmed that this man is no partner at all, and hasn't been for a long time. It took him leaving for someone else to force you to confront that fact, but it sounds like you needed a huge wake-up call about the poor father and boyfriend this guy really was. Why have you stuck with a man who refused to even acknowledge his child as his own?

    As the others have wisely pointed out, financial support is for the benefit of your kids - not you. Unfortunately, even if your pride eventually lets you concede that your kids have a right to their dad's support, it could be difficult to obtain if he's not listed on their birth certificates. I have a bad feeling that was precisely his intention all along, not to pay support to them in the event he left you. And he has. I feel sad for you and your kids. You all deserve a lot more than this.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What I think people are maybe seeing, Lucy, is something you haven't quite wanted to admit for a good long time: that this man is not a very good man. To admit that, yes, means admitting that you got very tied up with someone who is not good, which can feel like a kind of judgement of your own goodness. It's not. It just is, and to make actions to avoid feeling judged has consequences. It makes us enablers to shady behavior that harms us. If we have children, it can harm the children.

    You take good care of them, want for nothing—terrific and beautiful. But you are still wanting something from this man, and keeping a door open for that something. And that something is not support for your children, but something you're craving—something, I think, that supports the story that he is, all in all, a good guy.

    My father is not a good guy. He has won numerous awards in Irresponsible Human competitions, and will continue to win them until the sun sets. Still, my mother arranged child support from him, court mandated. He paid a tiny fraction of it. She didn't rake him over the coals in courts because dude never has money, so that wouldn't have done anyone any favors. But he did give some, here and there, and that helped me and helped her raise me. Was what it was.

    I really feel for you. If you look at the whole picture, from the moment you got involved in him to this moment, I think you'll see he has never been more than wishy-washy at best and cruel at worst. He has never fully embraced his relationship with you, and, with his name off the birth certificates, he has never fully embraced being a father to his children. These are the facts to focus on right now, for your own health and the health of your children. Whatever that something is you're seeking, it's time to let it go, I think.

  8. #27
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    So, let me get this straight. You have a child with him, who he will not claim legally on a birth certificate, then proceed to sleep with him and have another child, who he also will not claim.
    He occasionally throws you some money, and you continue in this relationship, agreeing to marry him. i can't get my head around any of this. "We had an amazing relationship." Where does this come into it. Doesn't sound amazing, at all!

    Why did you not dump this loser, after the first kid. You really need to get your self worth in check.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You will pursue support if you put your children's interest first. This is for them.
    I will not pursue it because why drag them through everything for what wull amount to nothing as he has nothing to give when i am more than capable of providing for them myself. They have everything they could want or need. They are happy, healthy and loved. They have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs. Not to mention enough toys to fill a store. They have savings in their bank accounts. What more could they possibly need?

  10. #29
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    He has claimed both children. I didnt put him on the youngests certificate as i didnt want one to have him and not the other. We were filing to get them changed and have him added. He has been great with the children and they absolutely adore him.

    Our relationship was very happy. Very family orientated and very loving. He doesnt earn very much so i never asked for much from him. Ive never needed to

  11. #30
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    This has gone off topic and i now feel as though i am being judged , not only for my choice in men ( which is fair enough, that is what i posted about) but now also as a mother. So i will no longer be replying. If i could delete the thread, i would!

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