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Engagement ring, important?


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Quite simple really, my partner and I are 41, been together 3 years and live together with 4 children [between us]

 

She's a nurse in palliative care, she's f*cking hardcore. She takes her rings off every day. I dont think she wants a big showy ring but then this doesnt happen every day.

 

Looked online and spent about as much time looking for a ring as I would on Amazon buying socks. So tell me, do I go for a £500 ring or go all in for a really nice one?

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You know....the most respectful and considerate thing you can do is ask the person who'll be wearing it, not opinions from a bunch of random strangers online who have no idea what she would like or want.

 

In medical fields, quite often you can't wear rings at all for all kinds of reasons. That doesn't mean she wouldn't like a nice ring for when she can wear it. Ask her.

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Thanks guys, well with 4 kids we very rarely spend money on ourselves and I cant help but feel she wont like a lot of money spent on it. But then I think maybe deep down, just this time, would she want to be treated special. Its starting to drive me crazy.

We've talked about marriage and as unromantic as it sounds its just a matter of getting married now. So I want to make a little effort, hence the Paris trip.

 

So I guess Im asking, any of you early 40's women with kids, what would you like? would you be angry if I spent thousands on a ring, money isnt an issue at all but I cant help but feel shed just say we should have spent it on the kids or saved it. ggrrrr

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Especially given you've got four children with her, whether that extra £1500+ would be better put into their needs / futures or into the household is definitely a judgment call well within your purview. I don't think you need permission from her to spend less. And you definitely don't need it from us.

 

I dropped about $600 on the ring I got my now-wife. And I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't have spent near that much but for the fact it wasn't a secret she'd be the one making much more money in the marriage as the doctor and inevitably contributing disproportionately for nice things. It would have been kinda petty if I didn't take the opportunity when I could there. Luckily, she really wanted an opal, so that helped my wallet out quite a bit.

 

If you wanna spend ~£500, I wouldn't even ask her if she'd rather you spend thousands. Not that I think there's anything wrong if a couple were to be happy spending more. It's just obvious that you're here looking for us to validate your preferred budget. I'd just find some rings that you think she'd like within your budget to start with and give her a say in the style. Build off that until you've found something she'd like to wear. £500 isn't going to get her something particularly luxurious, but there's plenty that are durable and pleasant within that price point.

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You know....the most respectful and considerate thing you can do is ask the person who'll be wearing it, not opinions from a bunch of random strangers online who have no idea what she would like or want.

 

In medical fields, quite often you can't wear rings at all for all kinds of reasons. That doesn't mean she wouldn't like a nice ring for when she can wear it. Ask her.

 

I agree.

 

Damn! I would hope that you would place more interest in this, as it will mean something to her. Let her pick it out.

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Yes, ask her what she wants. I wanted one, he wanted me to have one, we went and looked at rings and I gave him my preference as to style and size (meaning I did not want a big rock at all and so I gave him the maximum that I'd be comfortable with). He then picked it out with that in mind. It's beautiful, I love it and yes it was important to me. It's so individual though -not everyone wants one or they want something else or they want both people to have rings or jewelry or socks or mugs, whatever. Ask her!

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Get off Amazon and take her to lunch/dinner and a jewelry store as a surprise. Shop for it together. Why make all this work, guessing and difficulty, when you can make it romantic but surprising her in the jewelry store? There is nothing worse than the whole kneeling surprise, open the box thing only for it to backfire.

Looked online and spent about as much time looking for a ring as I would on Amazon buying socks. So tell me, do I go for a £500 ring or go all in for a really nice one?
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So I guess Im asking, any of you early 40's women with kids, what would you like? would you be angry if I spent thousands on a ring, money isnt an issue at all but I cant help but feel shed just say we should have spent it on the kids or saved it. ggrrrr

 

Have you gone in person and looked at a number of stores though? When do you plan on proposing? I think you could be really stressing yourself out when the answers are all before you and waiting to be picked. The best way to go about confusion is to eliminate it using a direct source (knowing your partner and knowing the diamonds).

 

Go directly to the stores and check out what's available and speak to the people who are knowledgeable about how those diamonds or gems are being procured, look at different cuts and learn to tell the difference between a good cut and not so good cuts of diamond or a lower grade. You may find things out of your budget that really aren't what they say they are or are not cut properly or as well as a simpler style or a lower key store that carries ethical diamonds (conflict free). Not all conflict free diamonds are cut and polished in the area/country it was mined either.

 

The reason I'm mentioning this is because you may be feeling all that money is unjustified for bigger or more impressive looking pieces of jewellery. Really, what it boils down to is that you're not sure whether it's worth it and whether your to-be fiancee will like it. Look into all your options first, come to some informed idea of what your actual options are in relation to your budget and then ask her what style she likes based on what you've learned.

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Im not opposed to asking her, a few months ago we had a brief conversation and she exclaimed that she doesnt want anything big or fancy, she said she doesnt care because it will be from me and thats all she cares about. Whilst thats lovely its very little help. Since its not been mentioned I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the trip to Paris, and then the proposal. I know she loves the impulsive romantic gestures so I know she'll love the trip and one knee thing. Im not planning too much, because it could all go wrong, just gonna check into the hotel and go for a walk around Eiffel and Ill find the right spot/time.

I didnt want to ask and tip her off but maybe thats just best. Thanks for the advice, might be a breakfast date near the jewellers soon then.

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Im not opposed to asking her, a few months ago we had a brief conversation and she exclaimed that she doesnt want anything big or fancy, she said she doesnt care because it will be from me and thats all she cares about. Whilst thats lovely its very little help. Since its not been mentioned I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the trip to Paris, and then the proposal. I know she loves the impulsive romantic gestures so I know she'll love the trip and one knee thing. Im not planning too much, because it could all go wrong, just gonna check into the hotel and go for a walk around Eiffel and Ill find the right spot/time.

I didnt want to ask and tip her off but maybe thats just best. Thanks for the advice, might be a breakfast date near the jewellers soon then.

 

Well isn't this just the sweetest thing! I think you know her better than we do... if you genuinely think she will be okay with a surprise and that she will be happy with whatever you picked out then go for it!

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Im not opposed to asking her, a few months ago we had a brief conversation and she exclaimed that she doesnt want anything big or fancy, she said she doesnt care because it will be from me and thats all she cares about. Whilst thats lovely its very little help. Since its not been mentioned I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the trip to Paris, and then the proposal. I know she loves the impulsive romantic gestures so I know she'll love the trip and one knee thing. Im not planning too much, because it could all go wrong, just gonna check into the hotel and go for a walk around Eiffel and Ill find the right spot/time.

I didnt want to ask and tip her off but maybe thats just best. Thanks for the advice, might be a breakfast date near the jewellers soon then.

 

Ask her sister/mom/best friend what she'd like, and have them go with you. If she's a heavy sleeper, get a ring sizer, https://www.brilliantearth.com/ring_size/ or a slip of paper to and just get her size.

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Im not opposed to asking her, a few months ago we had a brief conversation and she exclaimed that she doesnt want anything big or fancy, she said she doesnt care because it will be from me and thats all she cares about. Whilst thats lovely its very little help. Since its not been mentioned I thought it would be nice to surprise her with the trip to Paris, and then the proposal. I know she loves the impulsive romantic gestures so I know she'll love the trip and one knee thing. Im not planning too much, because it could all go wrong, just gonna check into the hotel and go for a walk around Eiffel and Ill find the right spot/time.

I didnt want to ask and tip her off but maybe thats just best. Thanks for the advice, might be a breakfast date near the jewellers soon then.

 

Sounds like a great plan!

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