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Thread: Where should I go from here?

  1. #1

    Where should I go from here?

    Currently in a good relationship, but to get to where I am right now, I have to mention a little about my ex. I met him two years ago while working for the summer out of province (from Canada). We both lived from different provinces, but decided to try and make things work long distance. Although, I felt very pressured by other people to be in love with him, which tainted it for me. He and I kept great contact and face timed often, until he broke it off 10 months into the relationship to focus on his university and career, as he was moving to another city.
    Two weeks later I go to the same summer job and I meet my current boyfriend. He has a history of not being able to find the right girl and thus struggled with long term relationships. He has cheated and had many flings in the past, but he’s made this very vocal with me and hides no secrets, I trust him. I had not very good reasons as well, as I considered him a rebound from my previous relationship. However, we’ve learned that we’re very similar people and fell in love quickly. I’ve never felt so connected and comfortable with someone.
    We are now about a month into this relationship, long distance, and it’s been rocky. He started this labour intensive job that eats all his time, whether he’s working or sleeping due to it being so demanding. To top it off, he’s not a very good texter and I initiate most of the conversations. We’re lucky if we FaceTime atleast twice a week. I can’t help but compare to my last long distance relationship.
    Now, to my dilemma.
    In a few months I’m going to be moving to attend university. Ive always wanted to be a marine biologist and get a degree in that. My heart tells me to move to his city and settle for general biology, but he lives no where near even a single body of water. He tells me that he wants me to put my career first, as he would, but whenever I think of going somewhere like Australia, where I can live my childhood dream, it pains me. Living with him would only be temporary (four years max) and even though we’d still be busy with our lives, I can go see him and we could support each other and move when we’ve got our education. My city is not far from his city and it wouldn’t be much different, I just wouldn’t be able to do the things I enjoy as easy like diving.
    I have a few months to decide what I want to do and so I want to know if it’s worth the shot? If I did move somewhere different, would we still be able to continue things? Is it worth it? I know it’s a fresh relationship, but when you connect with someone, you just know. Let me know your honest opinion! Sorry for the butt load of information

  2. #2
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    Do not make this decision based on being with him. Your relationship is not long or established enough to consider changing your educational path and life goals, and I guarantee you will have serious regrets if this relationship doesn't last.

    I realize you connect, but you don't "just know". Not when your relationship is so fresh and you (I presume?) are still so young. Couple that with the fact that you already sound more invested than he is, no way would I advise that you move to his city. Even he is telling you to put your career first. A big part of me thinks he genuinely wants you to follow your dreams, but is also indirectly discouraging you because he knows he's not as attached as you are and would feel guilty having you move to be with him.

  3. #3
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    Don't change big plans for someone you hardly know. A one month relationship is super short and do keep your heart safe. Someone that has cheated in the past does not change and is not a good candidate for a solid relationship. You're not the exception and it's extremely likely he will do it again. You seem very hopeful, but we gotta be realistic.

    Right now you are way more invested than he is. Relax and don't think so much. Don't sacrifice anything because I guarantee you will regret it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go to college pursue your education and profession. When you get there, date local available men who are not as damaged as these last two..
    Originally Posted by HelloPenguin
    In a few months I’m going to be moving to attend university. Ive always wanted to be a marine biologist and get a degree in that.

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  6. #5
    You are all right, I needed to hear the hard truth. Even I understand how ridiculous I sound, but yes, I am young and tend to follow ‘blind love’. My next question is if I should continue this relationship further? It’s possible for me to see him in December, but is it worth it? If I do move somewhere else, could we work out or is it just better we stay as friends and if it’s right, rekindle later on

  7. #6
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    Go to the school where you can pursue the major you want. Have an LDR if you like but never give up your dream. Friends with no commitments is my vote but it's your life If you & this guy are truly meant to be, you will survive your schooling years apart. You have no idea what uni will be like. Don't close doors for yourself at this point

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try not to be this desperate for a relationship. Won't there be single available men where you get into collage?
    Originally Posted by HelloPenguin
    I am young and tend to follow ‘blind love’.

  9. #8
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    Please do not change your career goals for this person. My parents were long distance for four years many years ago when he was attending grad school in another state -8 hour train ride which he did once a month (they were engaged during this time, married in their early 20s). 1950s. My husband and I were long distance for the better part of 2-3 years because his career required him to be geographically flexible and it was better for me to stay in our hometown - following him around would have really hurt my career. We've been married 10 years. So it can work but even if it doesn't your career is much much more important right now. I had a serious boyfriend in my early 20s when I was applying to grad school. One school was far away. He asked me if I'd consider staying in our city. I did because the best school I got into and could afford was in our city. Not for him. He did want to marry me. We ended up each marrying men, about 15 years later. So it's a good thing I didn't change my plans for him!

    Please don't do the "I'm young" and "I follow blind love" excuse when this has to do with your future career and goals.


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