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Thread: Should I tell my new girlfriend about this past dark event?

  1. #11
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    If asked, say it. If not, then don't. If it bothers you, then say it...but be prepared for what she has to say about her past too.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Prostitutes, especially those in Europe, often are very safe with sex and get STD tests FREQUENTLY.
    Unless they are testing after each and every client, they don't know for certain.

    It only takes one person to have an STD. Not all hookers use condoms or abstain from oral. They would literally have to test after each person, otherwise it really is a crapshoot.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Like say for instance the hooker has a client at 10 am. She allows him to perform oral on her and she performs oral on him.

    They exchange body fluids.

    That client happened to have Aids.

    The next client is at 4 pm. He does the same things with her. She tells him it's safe as she was tested just last week, little does she or the client at 4 pm realize that they both contracted Aids from the guy at 10 am.

    That's all it takes.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Dating is to get to know each other and learn about important compatibility characteristics. It is not to play confession or therapy and dump extraneous info on people you have been dating 20 weeks. Go on dates, get to know each other. Is being a virgin required in your culture?

    If you have sexuality issues or issues with this brothel visit after all this time, go to a therapist.
    Originally Posted by DonCania
    Five years ago, I went to an escort at a brothel in Germany. I was so subconsciously disgusted with myself that I didn't finish, I've saved for marriage. she may have construed my answer such that I'm still a virgin.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Donít tell her. Forgive yourself and forget about it. I wouldnít count sticking the carrot into a doughnut for two seconds as ďhaving sexĒ anyways. I would still consider you a virgin.

    This is like saying youíve played euchre when you really just sat in on one hand, threw a card on the table, and then left. You definitely didnít play euchre and still donít know what playing the game of euchre is like.

    If you want to beat yourself up over something you did years ago, by all means, have at it. But I think life is way, way too short to put such a big emphasis on such a tiny, insignificant part of your life.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I have a dark past of my own and so does my bf... we know this about each other and we don't really talk much about it... because it's in the past, and we are different people today and who we are now is more important... and my side of the street is clean today (physically, spiritually and emotionally) so I don't have any need to share that stuff with him and vice versa.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    Donít tell her. Forgive yourself and forget about it. I wouldnít count sticking the carrot into a doughnut for two seconds as ďhaving sexĒ anyways. I would still consider you a virgin.

    This is like saying youíve played euchre when you really just sat in on one hand, threw a card on the table, and then left. You definitely didnít play euchre and still donít know what playing the game of euchre is like.

    If you want to beat yourself up over something you did years ago, by all means, have at it. But I think life is way, way too short to put such a big emphasis on such a tiny, insignificant part of your life.
    But if he has told her that he is a virgin, then that's a lie. It depends on what he told her. "I am a virgin vs i have decided that when i meet someone i am not having sex unless we marry" If he chooses not to tell her, then he has to be sure if let's say things go well and in two years time, he is down on one knee with a ring, he can't feel the "deep need to confess". its not fair to her -- if he feels he needs to unburden himself it should be now instead of then.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    if he feels he needs to unburden himself it should be now instead of then.
    It should be not at all. Spilling the truth to unburden yourself is selfish.

    And it didnít sound like she straight out asked if he was a virgin. But even then, it really comes down to whether he considers himself a virgin. Based on his description of what happened, I would consider him a virgin. OP, if you feel youíre NOT a virgin, and itís important to her specifically to be with a virgin, thatís changes things a bit. But thatís not how I interpreted this situation. I envisioned a casual conversation where you didnít divulge a dark secret and are now just feeling guilty about it.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    But if he has told her that he is a virgin, then that's a lie. It depends on what he told her. "I am a virgin vs i have decided that when i meet someone i am not having sex unless we marry" If he chooses not to tell her, then he has to be sure if let's say things go well and in two years time, he is down on one knee with a ring, he can't feel the "deep need to confess". its not fair to her -- if he feels he needs to unburden himself it should be now instead of then.
    He didn't tell her he's a virgin.

    From his OP:
    "she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said, "I'm waiting for marriage on everything," and she said the same...
    Today, I still feel as if I misled her, since she may have construed my answer such that I'm still a virgin. "

    She "may have construed" is not "I told her I'm a virgin".

    Anyway, the OP seems to be a one and done. Maybe the questions about STD testing ran him off.

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