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Thread: Should I tell my new girlfriend about this past dark event?

  1. #1

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    Should I tell my new girlfriend about this past dark event?

    I've been dating this woman for 5 months total, exclusive for one month. We haven't had sex, and don't plan on it until we marry each other. However, a tidbit of my past just started haunting me. Five years ago, I went to an escort at a brothel in Germany. I was so subconsciously disgusted with myself that I didn't finish, (but still had intercouse for less than 2 seconds), got dressed, and ran out. Five years have passed, and I barely thought about it until now.

    2 weeks into our exclusive relationship (1 month so far), she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said, "I'm waiting for marriage on everything," and she said the same. Her question was dating-related in my eyes, and yes, everyone I've dated, I've saved for marriage. I omitted the fact from 5 yrs ago because I figured a month in is too short to be discussing deep secrets like this. Today, I still feel as if I misled her, since she may have construed my answer such that I'm still a virgin. Should I bring up the escort experience from 5 yrs ago, something that doesn't define who I am today? If so, how and when? I feel guilty.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Ehhh I donít think Iíd tell her. I mean, sure, technically youíve had sex but if it was literally seconds then I donít suuuuuper count it. Have you had oral with a woman youíve dated? To me that is WAY more personal.

    I donít know. I wouldnít tell her.

  3. #3
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    No.

    No need for her to know anything about this.

    Look on this site how it went when people wanted to unburden themselves by "confessing" to something that happened long before they met their current SO. In fact, there's an active thread where the OP's (now-ex) boyfriend used something she did before they were even together as a method to abuse her.

    I am not saying your girlfriend will abuse you. But this is something you did that has absolutely nothing to do with her.

    Hopefully you have had a full STD screening and are negative.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm not into lying.

    I've done crap in my past I'm not proud of, but if someone asks me straight out, I'm gonna tell the truth.

    Lying and hiding isn't a great way to start off any relationship.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes..very, very important.

    If you decided to get yourself involved in risky behavior, I hope to god you got every STD test done under the sun...after all, this is a hooker we're talking about.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    At the very least, tell her you're not a virgin.

  8. #7
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    Her question was dating-related in my eyes, and yes, everyone I've dated, I've saved for marriage. I omitted the fact from 5 yrs ago

    If you were chaste with every girl you were officially dating, but had a one night stand, would you say "i never had sex?"

    I would have told her that you had one experience, where you stopped midway and vowed to wait for marriage ever since. your conscience got the best of you. A woman who is waiting may find that refreshingly honest. Or you decided to wait until marriage when you were X years old and leave what happened before out.

    I don't know how to come back from the fact that you already lied...

    Are you sure a buddy wasn't with you or no one would somehow spill the beans? Are you tested for STDs?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Yes..very, very important.

    If you decided to get yourself involved in risky behavior, I hope to god you got every STD test done under the sun...after all, this is a hooker we're talking about.
    Prostitutes, especially those in Europe, often are very safe with sex and get STD tests FREQUENTLY.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I wouldnt tell her, it doesnt sound like enough of an experience to be worthy of mention. Please answer the question most are asking - have you been tested for STDs? If not, you better do it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You need to answer your own question because we're not you. If you were this woman, would you want to know the truth or is ignorance bliss? Always place yourself in another person's shoes and ask yourself how you would want to be treated. Then there is your answer.

    If you know your coming forward will risk dissolving your relationship with this woman, then remain silent. If your conscience will continue to consume you and cause your guilt, tell the truth. If your conscience won't haunt you, then remain silent and be on your best, most honorable behavior throughout your relationship and marriage.

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