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Thread: Tips for insecurity/negative feelings

  1. #1
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    Tips for insecurity/negative feelings

    Hi lovely people!

    Lately I have been noticing a change in my life. I have been going to a therapist since a year, since I admitted I was in a depression. Since then life had become a bit better, I was still dealing with negative thoughts, but could handle it better then before. Life seemed better.
    From my precious post you can see that I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. I felt empowered in the beginning, the relationship wouldnt work, but now I miss him a lot. Not searching for contact, but I really miss him and cant yet get over this thought of being together again or imagining him with another girl. I have big abandonment issues due to my past.
    This relationship was long distance. I believed it could actually work, had an idealized look at the two of us together which didn't end up to be true. Im afraid that I wont end up in a loving healty relationship without drama. Always had toxic relationships.
    Also Ive been noticing that the negative thoughts are getting more stronger. I feel really insecure, am thinking about how I act (in a negative way) to other people when Im around them for like 90% of the time. Which makes me tired, frustrated and, which I also notice, making less plans and be more alone instead. Which also doesn't make things much better. I do still meet up with friends, but when I do most of the times I end up regretting it. For a long time I could get over my negative thoughts, lately I cant so well anymore. I feel really alone, which is sad, because I have enough amazing people around me and doing many amazing things.

    On the bright side, so I dont do myself too short: I am getting better in standing up for myself, setting boundaries and doing things that will be good for me in the future (like the break up, think I actually really handled the situation in a good way, which I could never do in the past).

    Will speak with my therapist about this, but have to wait another two weeks and I am wondering if people from here dealt with these situation as well. Could you get out of it? Does life seem better now? Sometimes Im worried I have to live with these feelings forever. Tips are very much welcome as well! Thanks for reading :)

  2. #2
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    I manage how I react to negative thoughts/ feelings in the following ways -

    daily cardio exercise and I focus on ridding myself of negative energy if that is an issue at the time.
    4-7-8 breathing (Weil method)
    redirecting to focus on things that are positive/attitude is gratitude
    drinking a lot of water - it is relaxing, it's positive for your body
    getting enough sleep and making good food choices
    Feelings are feelings and our reactions are our choice. So they might not go away completely but they will be far more on the periphery if not completely faded out.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I manage how I react to negative thoughts/ feelings in the following ways -

    daily cardio exercise and I focus on ridding myself of negative energy if that is an issue at the time.
    4-7-8 breathing (Weil method)
    redirecting to focus on things that are positive/attitude is gratitude
    drinking a lot of water - it is relaxing, it's positive for your body
    getting enough sleep and making good food choices
    Feelings are feelings and our reactions are our choice. So they might not go away completely but they will be far more on the periphery if not completely faded out.
    Thank you so much! I will definitely try this out :)

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    While I'm probably not as prone to negative thoughts as others, in general I always remind myself that everything, including thoughts and feelings, are just moments that will pass and be replaced by other moments. For instance, I used to get super stressed about work, devoured by the sense that I was a fraud and a failure, and I'd "push through" that to complete a project, eventually exhaling, and kind of being a nightmare (to myself, to others) for a good stretch. Now I see all that as just "working," so while the feelings may still be sharp at times I'm aware they are just part of the spectrum, nothing to react to too heavily. Result? Less of a nightmare.

    That maybe sounds abstract. What helps me keep that line of thinking? Probably lots of exercise, like Batya. I take very good care of myself, for the most part. I've been a big yoga guy for a decade, and probably I got into that to dilute the nightmare guy I could be. I kind of see anything "negative" as life challenging me to try something different. Could be small, like not waiting until the last minute to do my taxes, so I don't have a negative view of money and government, or walking into a yoga class because it seems to have a good affect on people. Could be something big, like flinging myself on a solo trip when I feel like I'm in a little rut.

    As for the relationship stuff? I think everyone feels the way you do at this stage, to some degree, and I for one have always found comfort in knowing that I'm part of a human continuum rather than an exception. We know we've made the right call—and there is initial relief, and empowerment, in having made that call. That fades, and when it does we miss that familiar body, and the hopes we're still mourning and letting go of glow a bit brighter, like a breeze hitting a fire that's burning out and making the coals flare red and hot for a moment.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If you have been in therapy for a year and you are still struggling, I would say you either need medication, a change in medication and or a different therapist/ type of therapy. It sounds like you are doing all the right things by engaging with amazing friends and keeping busy, but now you are here looking for answers. Something obviously isn't working for you and I say it lies with your therapist. Not all therapists and their method are the same. Some work some don't. Here's a link that may help you in the meantime: [Register to see the link] A good video here: [Register to see the link]

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    How long have you been feeling these "negative" thoughts becoming "stronger"? I generally pay attention to what I'm feeling as litmus tests for whatever is going on around me. If I'm in a negative environment (a not so good relationship), I usually pick up emotions quickly and am very aware of what my partner/s are thinking and feeling through their behaviours, words, tone etc. Of course, it's painful at times and confusing. It's up to you to work through that and trust in yourself that every moment is passing/fleeting. (Do not dwell.) I agree with Bluecastle on those passing moments. Take it in stride and don't become so hyperfocused and oversensitive to every little shred of emotion. Those are simply alerts to your brain telling you about ongoings in your surroundings.

    The first break up or any traumatic break up or end of something will cause a shift in reality. Your brain has to develop new connections in your world around you and comprehend the end of something that once used to consume your life or use up your time and energies. All this is very normal. It happens with break down in other relationships like friendships and when a person leaves a job or a career ends. I'm not sure if you have unrealistic views of what happiness means and whether you're expecting yourself to reach higher levels of consistent happiness, failing that and then falling into further and further disappointment... all the while, calling it depression and despair. Take everything with a grain of salt. Don't overdo things, accept your emotions. I treat them like alerts on my phone or the way my calendar works with reminders. I use my emotions. That's all I can say about the insecurity and negative feelings.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Consider phoning your therapist to ask for a session sooner, and ask whether you can increase your visits during this difficult time.

    One question that helps me to work myself beyond negativity is to ask whether I want to reach for thinking that will help me to build resilience or whether I'd rather use my intelligence against myself and drill my thinking into a deeper hole to climb out of. That answer usually inspires me to knock it off and stretch beyond mind spinning toward more productive pursuits.

    I remind myself that rumination is stagnation, while focusing instead on moving myself forward will have me thanking myself later.

    Head high.


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