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Thread: Unhappy with long distance relationship, but I want to be happy with it

  1. #1

    Unhappy with long distance relationship, but I want to be happy with it

    I met this girl at university when she was on exchange from USA and we dated in person for 8 months, and have now been dating long distance for 10 months. We had a rough plan on how things were going to work out, ultimately ending with her moving to my country and finally having a normal relationship. However about three months ago I started feeling like the long distance relationship wasnít fulfilling anymore, and I communicated this with my girlfriend. I wanted to keep trying to make things work, hoping that the future would be worth it. Not long after, she had a cancerous tumour removed from her brain, and while itís treatable, itís made the situation a lot more complicated. Iíve only become more and more unhappy with the relationship, but I still desperately want things to work out in the end, and Iíve told her this multiple times and yet Iím still unhappy. Weíve been planning to get me out to the US for a few months but Iím barely going to be able to afford it, and it feels like itís just going to be another gamble amongst everything else for myself, as Iím just losing confidence in this relationship. I donít know what to do anymore, I love her and she loves me, but this relationship is extremely difficult and upsetting for me and Iím getting no reassurance that thereís going to be a happy future for us both. Any guidance or comments are much appreciated. Thank you

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Be true to yourself. Be honest and tell her the truth. Reiterate to your girlfriend that you feel unfulfilled and very unhappy with the relationship. Get it over and done with. Be a straight shooter and tell it like it is. Break up and move on with your life.

  3. #3
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    OP, you need to step outside yourself a bit here if you want this to work. You kind of skated right over the fact that the girl had cancer, so let's back up.

    She has just been through a serious and frightening medical procedure. Her emotions are going to be all over the place, and your relationship will take a backseat in the fight for her life. I understand the tumor was removed and her prognosis seems good, thankfully, but you appear to be grossly underestimating just how life-altering and difficult this surely is for her. Her priority is going to be confronting the fact she had a potentially life-threatening illness and getting healthy again.

    If you are that unhappy and feel unfulfilled, it is probably best to end this. Long-distance, particularly under these difficult circumstances, doesn't appear to be for you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Let her go. She has too much to deal with and a LDR is too much hassle for anyone, no less someone trying to cope with this.
    Originally Posted by Andrew2916
    she had a cancerous tumour removed from her brain, and while itís treatable, itís made the situation a lot more complicated.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If you can barely afford a plane trip, how you can afford the cost of the visas it takes to marry a foreigner, plus the fact that she won't be able to work until your country says she can? It's easy for two people from different countries, with chemistry, to become infatuated when thrown together. What's hard is that relationship to become permanent. If she did move your way, she'd be wrenched away from family and friends and adapting to this is quite upsetting, to say the least. And then if you two had children, how sad that her parents will only get to see their grandchildren only once a year or less, depending on finances.

    You're not 100 percent confident in continuing. My recommendation is to end it and find a match locally.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, you need to step outside yourself a bit here if you want this to work. You kind of skated right over the fact that the girl had cancer, so let's back up.

    She has just been through a serious and frightening medical procedure. Her emotions are going to be all over the place, and your relationship will take a backseat in the fight for her life. I understand the tumor was removed and her prognosis seems good, thankfully, but you appear to be grossly underestimating just how life-altering and difficult this surely is for her. Her priority is going to be confronting the fact she had a potentially life-threatening illness and getting healthy again.

    If you are that unhappy and feel unfulfilled, it is probably best to end this. Long-distance, particularly under these difficult circumstances, doesn't appear to be for you.
    I agree. And, you did give very small mention to the cancer and what sh is dealing with.

  8. 10-11-2019, 04:02 AM

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    🥣🍜🥟🥪🥙🥗🥩🍙🥘🍨🍖🧀🥨🍞🍳🥞
    Originally Posted by JayM
    hi there, i have an IQ of 30 just email me here "Trollshow @ spammail. jerk"

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Last time you posted this, people suggested you let her be and explain that the LDR isn't working. She has support from friends and family at home.
    Originally Posted by Andrew2916
    she had a cancerous tumour removed from her brain


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