Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 14 of 14 FirstFirst ... 11121314
Results 131 to 139 of 139

Thread: Unsure How To Deal With Boyfriends Mother

  1. #131
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,417
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Since you're not responding to this ( or to others who have asked the same question) I have to presume your fiancé plans to continue to have his mother take care of the kids.

    .
    because her question was how to handle (fix) mom . .not themselves.

  2. #132
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,808
    Gender
    Male
    That is the heart of the matter. Things are not how they could be. This would be a good time to reflect on how you see a life with him going forward.
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    He is her long term boyfriend. I do wonder whether if they were officially engaged with an imminent wedding date the mom might feel better about helping with her grandchildren where the fiancee stays over.

  3. #133
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,325
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    You can agree to disagree with anyone of us who don't think what you think but the bottom line here is we are not in a position to change your b/f's mother's mind about anything.

    You have some choices here and not agreeing with what many of us are saying isn't helping you in the least.

    You can leave your boyfriend because he's not willing to do anything to change his mother's mind and she will be in your lives until she passes on so can you live with that? If you can't then leave now and find someone who won't pose some irksome (to you) rule on you.

    You can talk to your boyfriend and come up with a compromise like you only stay when the children are with their mother and do so until you are married.

    You can change YOU and your attitude with 100% success but you certainly have no control over grandma or your boyfriend so stop feeling like a failure because you're not getting your own way or get out. Two choices.

    What else can any of us say?
    There are plenty of ways to have sex -- when the kids are at their mom's, when you can steal a few moments to both run to his or your place before the kids get home from school or after they are dropped off at a birthday party - you don't have to spend the night to have romance or sex or anything. To me, it sounds like part of you just wants to mark your territory and that's that.

    I agree that a ring and a date is "marriage bound" but until then, Grandma has her boundaries. She is not babysitting for her son to go on dates while he has the kids, and then when she isn't there, he is with you also and you sleep over

  4. #134
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,393
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I read this after I posted my last post. I agree with this.
    Thanks Batya33!

  5.  

  6. #135
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,393
    I'll give you an example. My MIL & FIL (mother & father-in-law) provide free room and board as well as round trip airfare, all dining out and entertainment expenses for a dozen relatives every summer and during the holidays. My in-laws forbid girlfriend-boyfriend sleeping arrangements in their home which is fair because they're paying for everything so it's "free" for their guests during their visits. I would enforce these same rules if I paid for everyone's vacations. The deal is I have my final say in one way or the other. I have every right since I am the provider. If you refuse to accept my free offerings and conditions, then pay for everything yourself and have all the freedom you desire.

    If your boyfriend and you don't like this deal of free childcare, pay for professional childcare and this dilemma is solved.

    This is life whether it's moral judgment, deals, being beholden to someone, obliged, entrapped, manipulated or whatever. No one ever said life was fair, however, you have to accept it even though you don't like it.

    You can't get something for nothing. Everything in life is a trade off. Everything in life is a sacrifice.

    Pay your own way for everything, be independent of others and make your own rules. Pay your way if you wish to have freedom to do as you will. Owe nobody nothing.

  7. #136
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,798
    Just to lighten the mood I can't help but remember when Miranda on Sex and the City is a single mom and hires a nanny/housekeeper to care for her baby while she is working full time as a lawyer. She opens her nightstand drawer to see her vibrator replaced with a virgin mary statue- she explains to the nanny that yes she has sex with men and it is none of her business,etc. But she doesn't fire her because she is fabulous with the baby, etc.

  8. #137
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Sydney Australia
    Posts
    3,032
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Just to lighten the mood I can't help but remember when Miranda on Sex and the City is a single mom and hires a nanny/housekeeper to care for her baby while she is working full time as a lawyer. She opens her nightstand drawer to see her vibrator replaced with a virgin mary statue- she explains to the nanny that yes she has sex with men and it is none of her business,etc. But she doesn't fire her because she is fabulous with the baby, etc.
    Sorry, couldnt resist!!!

    I loved the episode where Miranda's baby wouldnt stop crying, so the neighbour gives her a rocking chair. It breaks while Samantha is minding him, so she puts her "massager"(that she just had replaced because it broke) into the chair.
    Miranda's face is priceless!!!!

  9. #138
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,417
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I'll give you an example. My MIL & FIL (mother & father-in-law) provide free room and board as well as round trip airfare, all dining out and entertainment expenses for a dozen relatives every summer and during the holidays. My in-laws forbid girlfriend-boyfriend sleeping arrangements in their home which is fair because they're paying for everything so it's "free" for their guests during their visits. I would enforce these same rules if I paid for everyone's vacations. The deal is I have my final say in one way or the other. I have every right since I am the provider. If you refuse to accept my free offerings and conditions, then pay for everything yourself and have all the freedom you desire.

    If your boyfriend and you don't like this deal of free childcare, pay for professional childcare and this dilemma is solved.

    This is life whether it's moral judgment, deals, being beholden to someone, obliged, entrapped, manipulated or whatever. No one ever said life was fair, however, you have to accept it even though you don't like it.

    You can't get something for nothing. Everything in life is a trade off. Everything in life is a sacrifice.

    Pay your own way for everything, be independent of others and make your own rules. Pay your way if you wish to have freedom to do as you will. Owe nobody nothing.
    well said!

  10. #139
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,393
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    well said!
    Thanks, reinventmyself!

Page 14 of 14 FirstFirst ... 11121314

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •