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Thread: I can't lose this person. She means too much to me

  1. #1

    I can't lose this person. She means too much to me

    Sigh, didn't really want to drag this out of my chest but here we go I guess. I met my ex during highschool, we were each other's firsts and we dated for about two years. She was amazing, I'll never forget the kindness and care she had for me during those times. The moments we shared were so blissful, I would always catch myself really treasuring each and every minute of it. We would go out to places with each other and I'd be constantly replaying memories of our times together, her smile was beautiful. Looking back, she truly did love me and I didn't deserve it at all. My parents moved states and left me because I was halfway through my final year in hs, we weren't rich and when they left I only had $10 and a 6 pack of ramen. During this time I'd ask her if she had any leftover food here and there when I'd forget to pack lunch. Eventually she asked if I'd like her to pack lunch for me and I said I was fine with it if she didn't mind, she really didnt. She woke up 30 minutes earlier every single day and made me some sort of lunch in the morning, generally be chicken with some lettuce, cheese, mayo and eventually avocado because I had said that I liked it and when she couldn't she would buy me something from the store. It really touched me that someone had that much love and care for me and was actually willing to put effort into me. This is something that really impacted me and I still really appreciate her.

    She was never a troublemaker or problematic at all, the only issue I ever had with her was that we didn't go out as much as I had liked. Maybe like 2 or 3 times a month if I was lucky, but back then we saw each other at school everyday so it wasn't a big issue. She was low maintenance to say the least.

    Here's the thing though, I ed it all up.

    As amazing as she was, I really ain't . Don't get me wrong though, I gave her the very best of me and treated her the best I could've. She was my baby and I treasured her. But as i was saying, she was always and still is the good girl that focuses on her studies, doesn't touch drugs and has future aspirations and all, whereas me? I'm troubled and lost with myself. During the time we dated, I smoked a lot of weed, went out with my 'mates' and constantly partied. Not to mention getting into fights and selling pot. This wasn't what caused us to break up if that's what you were thinking. But it just shows how different me and my ex were. She was just infatuated with me at first, just a crush out of nowhere but she really grew to love me.

    However, we broke up about June this year because I ed up bad. The story goes like this.

    I accidentally moved into a share house with an ice junkie living in it. Obviously didn't know at the time, found out about 2 weeks in. He'd hotbox the second floor with ice, him smoking it was really loud (like an inhale and PSHHHHHH sound), would go crazy occasionally and punch walls and argue with himself. He'd only sleep for about 2 hours a day. Every other moment he'd be on the gear. So this really wore me out over a period of about a month and a few weeks so one night round 3am I confronted him about it and asked him to stop and to at least show some consideration for others, and he just said "what are you gonna do about it". After that I just lost it. I was blinded by rage and when I sort of calmed down, he was on the floor with a fractured skull.

    Called him an ambulance, police charged me and I went prison for a month before I got bail.

    During this time I had no contact with her or anyone but my parents. She was worrying her off.

    When I got out I had a bunch of messages from her asking where I was, how my mate asked if she knew where I was(i keep her away from my mates, they're solid people but like me, dont do the most wholesome things).

    When we finally spoke again I told her I was sorry for everything and that I loved her and that if she was willing to stay with me, I'll try my best to be better. Thinking back, I should've worded it better. And she told me she wasn't comfortable continuing the relationship and said "maybe when you're better" (though I don't know if that still applies). I'm not going to lie, I sort of freaked out when she wanted to break up and said ed like "you don't care about me" and idk I was just ing sad and confused about it at the time. She wanted to meet up Tuesday( it was Saturday at the time) to talk about it all and like the ing idiot I am, on Sunday I told her to dw about meeting up. I thought to myself, if she wants to leave I cant force her to stay or something along those lines. In hindsight, that was ing retarded.

    After that she sent me this massive text saying basically "I'm sorry it had to end like this, I really appreciate the memories I made with you over the last two years and I'll always cherish them. You didn't disappoint me and you never did. I hope you don't blame yourself as I had my own issues that caused strain. Take care of yourself, and I truly hope everything looks up for you, I'll always be here to offer support as a friend" and some legal advice.

    I'm not sure what's happening anymore, it's been two or so months since then and we've been talking here and there but the energy we used to have just isn't there anymore. I told her I was sorry for everything I put her through many times because I was just plagued by guilt and I also asked her to get back a few times too, hoping she'd say yes or maybe she still loves me somewhere. Obviously didn't go too well since I'm here yeah? She said I didn't respect her decision and that maybe we should stop talking, to which I agreed to. But then after a day she texted me on her own?

    I'm so lost. She's said she just doesn't feel comfortable getting back with me. I know I put her through too much but what can I do to make up for it?? I wanted a future with this girl and I was trying my best to become a person worthy of her this year but I still ed up anyways. I gave her the very best of me and tried not to involve her and keep her away from my issues but there was just too much I guess. I miss her. She was nothing but good to me.

    Is there even anything I can do to get her back? I don't know what to do anymore.

  2. #2
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    I don't think she is going to come back, OP. Sometimes there really is no do-over.

    I think she genuinely wishes you well, and hoped for a different outcome, but the series of recent events is too serious to come back from. I am sure you can understand why she is very concerned about the path you seemed to be headed down, and doing time for putting someone in the hospital was the confirmation for her that she needed to part ways with you.

    Focus on getting yourself back on the right path.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Sounds like your home life hasn't been ideal. You don't say where you lived when you finished your final year in high school. They left you without a guardian to watch over you and provide you with the basics like food? I know my husband had a horrible home life and he was a juvenile delinquent. In his early twenties, he moved to another state and created himself anew for the better, and started going by his middle name instead of his first, basically like emerging from a cocoon, and transforming into the proverbial butterfly. Anybody can start anew with enough effort.

    Just wondering where you learned that fighting was better than walking away from a stressful situation. You can't be a good partner to anyone right now, and it will likely takes years of hard work on your part to learn how to handle stressful situations in the future without violence, and to learn how to communicate with a love interest in a mature way.

    Are there any free resources you can seek out in anger management courses? I'd take advantage of that. What are your plans for continuing education? When you set yourself up for a good career, you won't have to have roommates. If you're hanging with the wrong crowd, rethink your choices in friends. People who go to narcotics anonymous and alcoholics anonymous learn that they can no longer keep friends who also have that problem, because relapses happen far more often when they are surround by that temptation.

    If you really cared about this girl, you'd free her because you're just not in a good place to be anybody's bf right now. Concentrate on yourself and become a person you can be proud of. If you're not fated to be with her one day when you are worthy of her, there will be another woman in your future who will benefit from the new you. Take care.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's broken up with you. Do not try to win her back. It'll appear self-centered and disrespectful. I think you know that. It doesn't sound like lack of communication was an issue between the both of you and I'm sure she's explained to you her reasons.

    Continue working on yourself. If you're working now, look at ways to improve your job prospects. Did you finish highschool? If not go back and get your HS diploma. Improve your income and find other certification or work options that will allow you to get out of these housing situations. Even if it's a tiny studio somewhere, it's something that you can call your own and you won't have to put yourself at the mercy of other housemates or roommates in a bad area of town. You're going through a tough time now. Get through it honestly. Don't cut corners. Don't try to weasel back into her life or convince her she made a mistake. Don't go binge drinking or start doing drugs either. Wean off the weed if you haven't already. Respect her and respect yourself enough to know when done is done. Let go.

    Go over the things in your life that have led you up to this point, from that sharehouse to jail to the break up. Don't shove it away. Take a good look at it and don't be afraid of facing those painful and aggravating experiences. It's those types of experiences that cause us to grow eventually if we're open to learning.

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  6. #5
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    Look bro..I kind of had a situation like you. I was with a girl I was very much in love with, but I ended up relapsing, I stole her iPad, and went to prison for 5 months. She stayed with me for about a month into it until she found out I stole her iPad. After that things got rocky. She ended up getting a new boyfriend while I was locked up. When I came home we talked a lot and I would always ask about getting back together and she would say the same thing your girl is saying to you. A couple of times she even told me she didnít think we should talk anymore and would block me, but would always end up unblocking me and talking to me again. She would never hang out with me though. I stayed patient with her and continued to show her love and let her know how much I care about her and did what I could to show her I changed. After one of her episodes where she didnít talk to me for 2 days we ended up talking again and I got her to meet me for dinner. Then 2 days later we met again and sat in the car and kissed and talked. She continued to be hot and cold with me. I would always ask her to let me come over or for her to come over my place but she would always say no, not today. 2 weeks after our dinner date she went cold. I convinced her to meet me for a drink so we could talk that night. She agreed to meet me but expressed that she was not happy in doing so. When I got there I just acted like myself and we ended up having a good time. Such a good time that she invited me back to her apartment that night and we made love all night. She went cold on me again and we didnít talk for a day but the next day she hit me up telling me all sorts of stuff like she doesnít want to be with me etc etc. Eventually she agreed to let me come over thst Monday and I did and I ended up staying at her place for 3 days and we had a wonderful time and now she is head over heels in love with me again begging me to be with her. She tells me she is so in love with me that she sees how much I changed and itís been going very well. So well actually, that she even said she is my girlfriend again! So things can change no matter how bad they may seem. Just be patient with her, donít push her or rush her, continue to show your love for her and letting her know you changed and push for a meet up. Thatís where you win them back! But you have to play it right to get to that point! Donít give up hope! As long as you two are still communicating then there is always hope brother! Take care

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get rid of the drugs and partying...or go down the drain with your bad habits . Your choice.


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