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Met a girl Online and not sure how to proceed with things - opinions needed


cingularity83

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Okay so I know it's hard to sometimes fully 100% understand a situation simply because information given is sometimes limited and one sided - in this case coming from me but Ill try my best.

 

So I've been talking to this girl for a while now from an online dating site. I went back today and checked and my first message to her was around Jun 6th. In that time span we have gone out on 3 dates so far with the 2nd & 3rd date both ending with me kissing her. She asked if I wanted to see her this weekend and I said sure what plans did you have in mind and she said that she wants to get us tickets to a like a Plat type show and also suggested that she's going to ask a few of her friends to see if they want to come along and I should also ask some of my friends as well if they might be interested.

 

Now I'm no expert in dating at all and never will claim to be one..... but isn't it kinda strange to be doing something like that? I mean I feel like I barely know her that well yet alone factoring in friends into the equation at this stage of the dating process. I really don't know how to interpret or take this. I know for a fact none of my friends would be interested in going to something like that so it'll probably just be me and her friends and situation might be a little awkward since she'd be the only person I know albeit even with her it would only be our 4th time meeting as well.

 

What do you guys and gals think about this?

 

would love to hear your opinions

 

Thanks

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Sometimes I think we (as a species - lol -myself included) tend to overthink relationships.

 

Let’s say you met a guy friend. You hung out with guy friend a couple of times, and then he asks if you want to come with him and his buddies to a show. Would THAT be weird? It’s not weird, IMO. It’s how you meet and get to know people.

 

Don’t read too much into it. You aren’t going as her boyfriend (because you aren’t her boyfriend at this stage). You are just going as some guy she met who she would like to get to know more.

 

I don’t think it’s a pressure situation at all. It’s just something different to do. I say - go and have a good time :)

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Sometimes I think we (as a species - lol -myself included) tend to overthink relationships.

 

Let’s say you met a guy friend. You hung out with guy friend a couple of times, and then he asks if you want to come with him and his buddies to a show. Would THAT be weird? It’s not weird, IMO. It’s how you meet and get to know people.

 

Don’t read too much into it. You aren’t going as her boyfriend (because you aren’t her boyfriend at this stage). You are just going as some guy she met who she would like to get to know more.

 

I don’t think it’s a pressure situation at all. It’s just something different to do. I say - go and have a good time :)

 

I'm definitely the over thinking and analyzing type haha

 

So you're saying that if it was you and you've been on 3 dates with a guy and he told you to invite your friends and his friends to all go out for dinner you'd be fine and okay with it?

 

I mean maybe it's just never happen to me before so I didn't know how to react but now I know for future reference when it happens again not to put too much thought into it and over analyze it.

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I don't know what a "plat type show" is, and Google wasn't very helpful. But I've generally found that it's a good sign when people I'm curious about want to see me again, so, assuming you want to see her, maybe just make that the focus for the time being? Go on a fourth date, have fun, see if afterwards you feel like a 5th date. If you do—and if she does too—all you have is something to be happy about. If neither of you do, that's life. If one of you does while the other doesn't—well, that's life too.

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I don't know what a "plat type show" is, and Google wasn't very helpful. But I've generally found that it's a good sign when people I'm curious about want to see me again, so, assuming you want to see her, maybe just make that the focus for the time being? Go on a fourth date, have fun, see if afterwards you feel like a 5th date. If you do—and if she does too—all you have is something to be happy about. If neither of you do, that's life. If one of you does while the other doesn't—well, that's life too.

 

that's basically how I always break dating down to the very basic

 

you both like each other

 

you both aren't into each other

 

you like the person more than they like you

 

they like you more than you like them

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So why not break this down along those lines? I think you're kind of jumping ahead to the 52nd door in the labyrinth instead of just walking through 4th one.

 

Personally, although I have few rules when it comes to dating, I like meeting people's friends and I like "hang" vibes. Nice way to gauge a spectrum of chemistry and compatibility that you don't get in the dinner-hiking-corner-kissing-bedroom bubble.

 

My now girlfriend, for instance? I think it was something like our 4th or 5th time hanging out when she invited me to a friend's house, where they were sipping wine with an outdoor fire going. I didn't think it was a Big Step, because now I was Meeting Friends. Just kind of thought she wanted to see me again. I wanted to see her again too. Was a nice night, and nice to see a little window into who she hung out with. Last night—9 months later—I cooked salmon and roasted potatoes for that friend and her boyfriend, with my girlfriend next to me.

 

Door 52, accessed by walking through door number 4.

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I have my own mixed feelings about this only because I had a negative experience.

 

I was asked out on a date by a guy I really liked years ago to come to this even with him and his friends. He ignored me the whole time, probably forgot I was there. Lol

 

I say go but be prepared to feel like the odd man out.

 

I do agree however with the rest if you really like her to go, so you spend as much time as possible.

 

Maybe she’ll include you. I wouldn’t judge based on my one bad experience.

 

If you do feel it’s not in your comfort zone then tell her that maybe next time. Then plan a date for just the two of you.

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She feels safer with friends or group settings since she doesn't know you well yet. She wants her friends' opinions regarding what they think of you. She will ask for opinions whenever you're out of earshot or after you leave.

 

You are being put through the test so if you want to impress her and her friends, be on your best, most respectable, well-mannered, honorable behavior.

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She feels safer with friends or group settings since she doesn't know you well yet. She wants her friends' opinions regarding what they think of you. She will ask for opinions whenever you're out of earshot or after you leave.

 

You are being put through the test so if you want to impress her and her friends, be on your best, most respectable, well-mannered, honorable behavior.

 

Oh wowzers.... talk about a great way to make a guy you're seeing feel relaxed and comfortable huh

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Oh wowzers.... talk about a great way to make a guy you're seeing feel relaxed and comfortable huh

 

If you want a long term partner there are some aspects that are like interviews - not always -sometimes you just click with friends/family. Not everyone cares about such things -but apparently she does. Do you?

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I disagree. It sounds like she is trying for a low-key group type environment. Not any sort of test. She could see for herself after your first couple of dates whether she wants to see you more. And she does. Mixing up lives a bit is a step forward. Not a judge and jury trial, so relax.

Oh wowzers.... talk about a great way to make a guy you're seeing feel relaxed and comfortable huh
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I agree with Wiseman. Sure, there are ways that dating is a “test” to see if...you feel like dating. Then that becomes a “test” to see if you can become serious. And so on. But in this case I just see a woman asking a dude to chill and the dude spinning some gears too hard and fast to see that.

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People are going to talk anyway, whether they want to admit it or not. The point is you shouldn't care so much about what others think of you if you're genuine. So just go in there if you want to go to the Plat or the play or whatever it's called and enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to connect with her friends and chit chat or ask them a bit about themselves too. Express some interest if you really are interested, remain genuine and have a good time. The whole thing should be about getting to know each other in different ways, different venues, different situations, having fun and being yourselves. If you've got all that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If she doesn't like you after that, guess what? Your log in still works, doesn't it?

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Okay so here's an update

 

I went to the show and thought everything had went well.... well I guess I couldn't have been more wrong because after the show was over she was asking if something is wrong and if everything is alright. It came out of no where and I had no clue what she was talking about. She said that I didn't really talk to her much or in general at all

all night and I found myself put in a situation having to explain that I was trying my best and hardest to engage her friends in conversation since I've already met her 4 times and this is my first time meeting them. Her friends is a man she works with and his wife by the way. We are at a Play for goodness sake. It would be like taking a girl to a movie and then at the end of the movie she tells you that she felt like you barely talked to her at all

except this is worst because it's live actors performing on a stage and silence is usually required.

 

Besides I talked to her and her friend's wife during intermission and we all chatted for a bit about what we thought of the Play so far.

 

Anyway I probably should have went with the my initial gut feeling and the night kind of ended on a sour awkward note. Not sure that we'll be seeing each other again at this point.

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People are going to talk anyway, whether they want to admit it or not. The point is you shouldn't care so much about what others think of you if you're genuine. So just go in there if you want to go to the Plat or the play or whatever it's called and enjoy yourself. Don't be afraid to connect with her friends and chit chat or ask them a bit about themselves too. Express some interest if you really are interested, remain genuine and have a good time. The whole thing should be about getting to know each other in different ways, different venues, different situations, having fun and being yourselves. If you've got all that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If she doesn't like you after that, guess what? Your log in still works, doesn't it?

 

It was a theater type Play... I had misspelled it while typing too fast

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