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Bad conversation with (not anymore) ex bf


Bea1311

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I dated this guy for a year when we were both starting college. We broke up because he was 19 and all about parties, being free, didn’t want to be committed. It was 5 years ago. I “moved on”, I even had another bf (who I didn’t like that much... so I broke up)

 

For the past 5 years, studying at the same class, we had this “weird” relationship. Sometimes we were friends, sometimes we just ignored each other. Sometimes we were jealous, even though we weren’t together anymore.

 

We graduated three months ago (yay!) and he started texting me. We told me he was missing me so much. We started going out as friends. Well, we did it three times until we kissed, lol. We decided to start dating and see if it works. We are all grown up now, we don’t care about college parties anymore.

 

It has been perfect. I’m loving it, everything is great. But yesterday... We were texting each other, and we ended up talking about the past and it was super “bad vibe” for me. So I deleted all the messages e he was like “what happened? are you ok?”. I said “I don’t want to talk about it” and changed the subject. We chatted for a few more minutes and we went to sleep... But I know we were acting weird, you know? We haven’t talked today yet (but that’s ok, I think he’s sleeping)...

 

But now I’m having this weird feeling... Did I just messed everything up?

 

Sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is my second language.

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You're going to need to be more detailed. Why did you suddenly get a bad vibe from him? What did he say that triggered you, exactly?

 

Telling him you don't want to talk about it shuts down all communication. He doesn't appear to have any clue what happened so I can understand why he hasn't reached out today. I wouldn't either if I were him. If you want to make things right, you are going to need to take the initiative in restarting the conversation and explaining what sent you running.

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He said nothing wrong.

I was joking that I prefer him nowadays, because he was addicted to working out and we’d never have drank milkshakes together (like on our last date). He laughed and told me that we would be drinking whey protein instead.

So he started to send me funny pictures of five, four years ago, and I did it too.

But he sent me a picture of a party... And I remembered that at this time, we weren’t together anymore and I remember he kissed another girl on this day and I cried a loooooooot... I don’t think he even remembers that, lol.

But I got that “bad vibe” aaaand I probably made him feel that way too. Now I just wanted to fix it :(

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It doesn't sound like you're over him, OP. You shouldn't be talking to your ex if you still have feelings for him. If you feel that he's hindering you from moving on, limit your contact with him. If you also get the sense that he's pulling d*ck moves like that bringing up memories that are hurtful or tasteless depending on your history, this isn't a person you want to be speaking with.

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But he sent me a picture of a party... And I remembered that at this time, we weren’t together anymore and I remember he kissed another girl on this day and I cried a loooooooot... I don’t think he even remembers that, lol.

 

He probably doesn't, no.

 

But you might want to revisit the idea of dating him again if something like this still triggers you to the point that you shut down. These moments are bound to come up again, inadvertently. So at the very least, reflect on how you'll more effectively deal with them.

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