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Thread: What should my friend do?

  1. #1
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    What should my friend do?

    My best friend have a perfect marriage.Her and her husband bee married for 10 yrs. Just 3 yrs ago they brought a nice big house in the country newly built.
    She feels now because they have been married so long they are getting tired of each other.
    She even said that he have been secretly talking to an old love from the 90's.My advice to her is that he is bored and he just chatting with her just for fun nothing big.She learned he had 2 mistresses where he lives at in there area. I don't think she should give up.The old time love he is speaking to her on a regular basis whether 3 days go by or not they talk , chat all day long.They even went to the island together for a wedding and he was still texting this old lover. Again he took her to the wedding not the lover. He was sending her photos and everything.When they got back from the island still text the woman she found out. He says they are just friends from back in the day. I don't think it's a big deal. She should stay.

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    FYI she asked me for advice first. I was only able to help a little my reasoning for coming on
    here.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.
    Originally Posted by honeybun35
    The old time love he is speaking to her on a regular basis whether 3 days go by or not they talk , chat all day long.

    he was still texting this old lover. He was sending her photos and everything.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This is a perfect marriage? I dont think so.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.
    ^^ I was gonna say the same thing. How do YOU know so much?

    Also, it doesn't really matter what YOU think. What is a deal breaker for YOU may not be a deal breaker for HER and vice versa.

    A lot also depends upon on the tone of these messages. They could just be good, old friends chatting. Or it could be heavy flirting/suggesting- but if you haven't seen the messages- then you don't really know.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.
    I think the husband is Ted, in which case I am not at all surprised you are condoning the behavior. For most married people, emotional cheating is a pretty big deal.

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    I think your role as her friend is not to tell her what to do - but to listen to her talk and let her come to her own conclusions on what to do.

    There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. You only know what she chooses to share with you - and I promise thatís not the full story. There are certainly things in there that you will never fully know or understand.

    (I know Iím being a bit hypocritical because we all come on here and give advice and opinions all the time)

    ... but my advice to YOU is - if you care about the friendship - is to tread carefully. If you tell her to stay (and especially if you are insistant) - she may feel unsupported and can distance herself from you too if she feels judged or unhappy. If you tell her to leave, and she doesnít want to, she could distance herself from you if she chooses to stay.

    People will do what they want to do in relationships (you see it here all the time - people will ask for advice and not take it). And you canít ďtake backĒ anything you say - those impressions of your opinions will stay with her. The difference is that here - if someone chooses not to take advice and distances themselves a bit to work things out - it does not change our lives at all.

    My advice to YOU is to support via listening more and advising less if you want to protect your friendship.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    And the fwb is posting about Ted on his FB..
    Originally Posted by maew
    I think the husband is Ted

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Don't advise her anything. Just support her in any decision she makes.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    And the fwb is posting about Ted on his FB..
    And that's how the wife / best friend found out about the affair! Good thing the FWB didn't use her name....

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you the lover?
    Originally Posted by honeybun35
    They even went to the island together for a wedding and he was still texting this old lover.

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