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What should my friend do?


honeybun35

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My best friend have a perfect marriage.Her and her husband bee married for 10 yrs. Just 3 yrs ago they brought a nice big house in the country newly built.

She feels now because they have been married so long they are getting tired of each other.

She even said that he have been secretly talking to an old love from the 90's.My advice to her is that he is bored and he just chatting with her just for fun nothing big.She learned he had 2 mistresses where he lives at in there area. I don't think she should give up.The old time love he is speaking to her on a regular basis whether 3 days go by or not they talk , chat all day long.They even went to the island together for a wedding and he was still texting this old lover. Again he took her to the wedding not the lover. He was sending her photos and everything.When they got back from the island still text the woman she found out. He says they are just friends from back in the day. I don't think it's a big deal. She should stay.

 

Opinions

 

FYI she asked me for advice first. I was only able to help a little my reasoning for coming on

here.

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Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.

The old time love he is speaking to her on a regular basis whether 3 days go by or not they talk , chat all day long.

 

he was still texting this old lover. He was sending her photos and everything.

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Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.

 

^^ I was gonna say the same thing. How do YOU know so much?

 

Also, it doesn't really matter what YOU think. What is a deal breaker for YOU may not be a deal breaker for HER and vice versa.

 

A lot also depends upon on the tone of these messages. They could just be good, old friends chatting. Or it could be heavy flirting/suggesting- but if you haven't seen the messages- then you don't really know.

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Does this guy know Ted or the fwb? Is he Ted or your fwb? You seem to know a great deal of detail about her husband's extracurricular actives. More than she does.

 

I think the husband is Ted, in which case I am not at all surprised you are condoning the behavior. For most married people, emotional cheating is a pretty big deal.

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I think your role as her friend is not to tell her what to do - but to listen to her talk and let her come to her own conclusions on what to do.

 

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. You only know what she chooses to share with you - and I promise that’s not the full story. There are certainly things in there that you will never fully know or understand.

 

(I know I’m being a bit hypocritical because we all come on here and give advice and opinions all the time)

 

... but my advice to YOU is - if you care about the friendship - is to tread carefully. If you tell her to stay (and especially if you are insistant) - she may feel unsupported and can distance herself from you too if she feels judged or unhappy. If you tell her to leave, and she doesn’t want to, she could distance herself from you if she chooses to stay.

 

People will do what they want to do in relationships (you see it here all the time - people will ask for advice and not take it). And you can’t “take back” anything you say - those impressions of your opinions will stay with her. The difference is that here - if someone chooses not to take advice and distances themselves a bit to work things out - it does not change our lives at all.

 

My advice to YOU is to support via listening more and advising less if you want to protect your friendship.

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Ok does anyone read and still ignore. Again she asked me so if someone asked me just as I do on here you're going to get a description of what's going on. Of course she is my best friends so I am going to know even more. Did I not just say she asked me. I'm not going tell her I don't know everything but I try to compare answers.

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Everything is true but she is asking for my opinion. I don't know how to answer her. You're right about maybe somethings I don't know but what she shares with me but the stuff I see on my own I think he just having fun because he known her for long time so he comforts her. They just talk a lot through texting, via chat

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First of all you are wrong number 2 this man is not cheating.Why should she get mad at him he is not even cheating. It is a woman he used to have sex with when they were 20 yrs old everyone here is older now almost 50. They just stayed and remain friends. I told my friend it's no big deal. they been chatting for yrs.My friend told me one time he was around he slipped up with her and it was big mistake 5 yrs ago but since then they brought new house together, they go away together. Her husband and the woman have mutual friends.

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If you read post you would see that she asked stop trying turn this post around. If someone that's close to you complains about stuff all the time

you are going to know a lot about it. Don't try to create a post for yourself on mine make your own. This about my friend and her husband and his female friend he known for yrs. I don't think she should throw her marriage away for someone he doesn't even see.

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Honeybun, use the respond with quote option so we know who you’re referencing.

 

As for your situation, it’s her life. You can always give her your opinion, it doesn’t have to be based on what we say your opinion is yours to have, but whatever she decides it’s her life to live and your role as a friend to be supportive.

 

If you feel she’s in danger or emotionally damaging herself of course as a friend one should step in but issues like this, it’s best to allow your friend to make her own life choices.

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If I follow this correctly, your best friend's husband has had two mistresses and is currently working on a third. All within only 10 years.

 

How is that the perfect marriage? It sounds awful.

 

I personally would not stay with a man like this, since he appears to be a serial cheater and this will likely not be the last time he's unfaithful, but to each their own.

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