Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: Feeling Undesired

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,452
    Gender
    Male
    This is really why you should breakup. Anyone who holds you hostage has too many issues to date. Let her go. Not because of lack of privacy or lack of blowjobs but because she is way too immature and too manipulative. You are not helping the situation. She needs a doctor, not a bf.

    If she threatens suicide tell her you will tell her parents and that she needs in-patient psychiatric treatment, not a bf or tickling. You are wasting your time with someone like this. Has nothing to do with sex.
    Originally Posted by anonymous172
    I live with a parent yes as she does. why won't she let me leave without her saying she will kill herself if I break up with her cause she can't go through another heartbreak...
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 09-20-2019 at 02:45 PM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,475
    Gender
    Male
    I'll try to answer this with some larger thoughts to get to the issue at hand.

    Personally, I hate the phrase "honeymoon phase," since more often than not it's used to rationalize staying in a relationship that has gone from good to bad. It's just not something people generally say when they're happy. Think about that for a minute.

    The first three months, with anyone, are a dice roll. You keep rolling the dice after that if you're having fun. If you're having less fun, and itching to "get back to the way things were," it often means that you're not as compatible as you'd hoped, that there isn't enough fuel to keep the engine running. Sucks. Hurts. But, in the long run, way better to learn to call that than force something that isn't there.

    Trying to lower your sex drive? That's forcing things, maybe forcing something that is not there. What you're saying, basically, is that you want to learn to live in a state that has made you unfulfilled. Not possible. You've been unhappy, sexually, for the vast majority of this relationship—more than twice as long as you've been happy. Not a good sign. That your unhappiness is moving downward in a straight line, as opposed to rising and falling, is a worse sign.

    Often times—and I suspect this might be happening here—sex will fade when an emotional connection thins. Like, you can have a fierce, powerful connection with someone, and you're both dying to take each other's clothes off all the time, and all that feels very much like an extension of a profound emotional connection. Which it is, in ways. But sometimes it's a bit of an illusion, or just not quite as profound as we thought and hoped.

    I think it's much healthier—hard, I know, but healthier—to accept when you're not compatible than to start feeling like something is wrong with you, and then trying to "cure" that wrong thing by changing the way you behave with someone: training yourself to want less than you do, say, or resorting to insincere gestures to "get" the thing you want. When everything feels inauthentic there's no more center to orbit around.

    Brass tacks here: Neither of you are happy sexually, and haven't been for at least 7 months. That's 2/3rds of your time together. Sex is a pretty huge part of what separates a romantic relationship from others. Why be in a romantic relationship that doesn't satisfy you romantically, you know?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,475
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by anonymous172
    Than why won't she let me leave without her saying she will kill herself if I break up with her cause she can't go through another heartbreak...
    Whoa. Yeah, what Wiseman is saying: this is not good, not a healthy person. You aren't her therapist. Your job is not to keep her alive, just like her job is not to satisfy you sexually. Your jobs are to be yourselves, and if being yourselves next to each other doesn't work, you go your separate ways.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,405
    Gender
    Female
    Woah - yes - this thread took an unhealthy turn. I agree with Wiseman.

    If someone says that they will kill themselves if you break up with them, that is NOT a romantic gesture. It’s a sign of mental illness (usually depression) that requires medical intervention.

    The only way out of this is to do what you have to do and call 911 if you feel they may pose a risk to themselves. You can’t allow yourself to be held hostage.

    BTW - lack of interest in sex can be one of the many symptoms of depression.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    152
    Gender
    Female
    How the heck were you having sex 6x per week if you both live at home?

    If she is threatening to kill herself if you break up with her, tell the parent that she lives with about the threat. then break up with her. She's emotionally manipulating you &/or is a fundamentally unhealthy person. Either way you can't stay with her.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,341
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by anonymous172
    I really do love this girl but I just don't think I'm going to be able to live with sex only happening once month now
    ^^ you tell her this
    Look, if she's telling your straight up that her sex drive is such, then that's what you have to deal with. You can compromise I suppose, but she's not going to rev up her sex drive anymore than you can dial yours down.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,651
    Gender
    Female
    Get out now before you make major decisions like moving in with or marrying a person who uses emotional blackmail to try to control you. I know a guy who ended up marrying a woman who threatened the same thing. She has managed to isolate him and their children from his entire loving family because of her controlling ways.

    You now have listed two dealbreakers. Take it from people who have twice the life experience as you. As the others have said, break up and if she threatens you, tell her you will be calling 911 AND telling her parents. Call her bluff.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,293
    Gender
    Female
    At this stage of the game, you are just friends. Stay friends but move on and find a new GF.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •