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Thread: Jealousy,,,,unsure but uncomfortable feeling.

  1. #1
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    Jealousy,,,,unsure but uncomfortable feeling.

    Hi all,
    I will try and keep this short as possible.
    As some of you may have read before Iíve been having some issues with my marriage, mainly intimacy issues. Through one thing or another we are both giving it time but there is still zero intimacy between us, nothing at all. No kissing, cuddling, not even holding hands as this is my wifeís request and Iím trying to respect her wishes.
    Me on the other hand, Iím trying my best and being patient although I am still very attracted to my wife in every way but Iím finding other ways to channel my urges and it works some of the time other times I just walk it off so to speak.

    Anyway it was discussed that we should sleep in the same bed at the very least which I am happy with now as at least Iím near her in some way but this is where things got weird.

    Over the past couple of weeks on three separate occasions I have been woken by my wife in what I would say has been an erotic dreams she has been having. Now last night was horrendous to say the least. I canít even describe how this is making me feel because on one occasion a name was said during her dream and it wasnít mine. Last night I had to wake her up and I left the bed and slept on the sofa because Iím not sure how Iím feeling about this at all. In a way I think Iím jealous which sounds crazy I know.

    I feel like Iím being told she doesnít want intimacy right now and then she is having erotic dreams which she has never ever done in the past 20 odd years Iíve been with her.

    Strange one this, I have mentioned it today because she asked why I woke her up last night and I told her what she was doing to which she replied she canít remember and never has those kinds of dreams.

    Now I donít know how I should be feeling about this as I do understand she was obviously dreaming but for someone who doesnít want this between us yet dreams about it when she never has Iím very confused.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go back to separate bedrooms and most of all marriage therapy. You can't read her dreams, c'mon.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Go back to separate bedrooms and most of all marriage therapy. You can't read her dreams, c'mon.
    Your female arenít you.

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    Originally Posted by Timeout74
    Your female arenít you.
    WiseMAN isn't a woman lol.

    We can't control what we dream about. But I can imagine she would like things to be different. I doubt she actually enjoys being totally uninterested in intimacy with her own husband.

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    I have two questions for you-

    1. Have you had any intimacy since June?

    2. Has she reconsidered going to marriage counseling with you?

    I think the answer to both of these will say a lot. Sexless marriages only work if BOTH parties are fine with it. At this point, you have given her a LOT of time and space- 3 months without sex is a lot for a married couple that are both still healthy and able. At this point, I'd say a LOT pivots on if she's willing to go to counseling with you or not. IMVHO, there is a strong chance that she is having an affair. If it were JUST the dream alone, I'd say "it's just a dream, don't worry"- but the fact that she hasn't wanted any intimacy with you in MONTHS AND is calling someone else's name? To me, that's a red flag. If she isn't interested in marital counseling to fix this issue, then - IMO- it's almost a guarantee that she's having an affair.

    You cannot live in a marriage indefinitely without sex unless BOTH parties are in agreement. Otherwise, it's a pressure cooker just WAITING to explode. You cannot be expected to live like a monk if she has NO intention of even TRYING to work on this with you or reach a compromise in which you can BOTH be happy. IMO, you have given her enough time and space and now you need ANSWERS! You need to sit down and have a frank conversation- Is she interested in working on this with you or are your needs and desires no longer compatible. If she has decided she just doesn't want to have sex with you anymore- then she needs to let you figure out if you are okay with that or if you should get divorced so you can be free to find someone who is more compatible with you.

    While sex isn't everything- it IS an important ingredient to a healthy marriage. If you are expected to be a monogamous couple, then she owes it to you to tell you the truth. Withholding sex without discussion or effort to change (therapy) is not in ANY way healthy. You tried giving her time and have been patient, but now it's becoming unreasonable- unless she agrees to counseling to work thru it with you. But for her to just sit there and say, " Who knows when I may or may not be ready" is not fair, kind, loving or respectful to you. She has a choice to make- Therapy or divorce. The end.

    Things as are they are now will not last. Without this discussion- one or both of you will eventually reach a breaking point. Best to figure it out NOW before it reaches that point.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you're reading too much into it and overreacting. The name could have been someone she met thirty years ago or a made up name. Most sleep talkers also tend to moan, not speak in audible words or sentences. It's not erotic and it sounds more like a wailing baby walrus.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Going back through your threads....you keep focusing on intimacy while your wife is telling you to your face that she feels nothing for you, is over the marriage, had asked you to leave and obliterated any trace of you in your own home in seconds, refuses to so much as touch you (not even talking sex, just basic humanity here), is guarding her phone better than the CIA guards their secret documents and is constantly on said phone and panics if she left it unattended....... Dude....I'm sorry but you've got to stop living in denial and face the music and start looking and I mean look at what your wife is really doing and with who. If you don't want that, then accept that marriage is over and start the process of divorce. That does not mean that you leave the home, it means you consult with a pitbull divorce lawyer or two or five.

    You cannot keep ignoring reality and at this point, you don't know what she is plotting behind your back while you are living with your head in the sand pleading for a hug from your wife. Come on. I know it's tough, but you can't fix this when she is checked out and has been for ages and isn't getting better. Marriage is a two way street.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Listen, she doesn't want sex and she did not want you moving back in no less in the same bed. She is not interested in sex with you and that should have you seeking divorce.
    Originally Posted by Trollboy
    Your female arenít you.

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    The marriage is over. Time to contact a lawyer.

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    Originally Posted by redswim30
    I have two questions for you-

    1. Have you had any intimacy since June?

    2. Has she reconsidered going to marriage counseling with you?

    I think the answer to both of these will say a lot. Sexless marriages only work if BOTH parties are fine with it. At this point, you have given her a LOT of time and space- 3 months without sex is a lot for a married couple that are both still healthy and able. At this point, I'd say a LOT pivots on if she's willing to go to counseling with you or not. IMVHO, there is a strong chance that she is having an affair. If it were JUST the dream alone, I'd say "it's just a dream, don't worry"- but the fact that she hasn't wanted any intimacy with you in MONTHS AND is calling someone else's name? To me, that's a red flag. If she isn't interested in marital counseling to fix this issue, then - IMO- it's almost a guarantee that she's having an affair.

    You cannot live in a marriage indefinitely without sex unless BOTH parties are in agreement. Otherwise, it's a pressure cooker just WAITING to explode. You cannot be expected to live like a monk if she has NO intention of even TRYING to work on this with you or reach a compromise in which you can BOTH be happy. IMO, you have given her enough time and space and now you need ANSWERS! You need to sit down and have a frank conversation- Is she interested in working on this with you or are your needs and desires no longer compatible. If she has decided she just doesn't want to have sex with you anymore- then she needs to let you figure out if you are okay with that or if you should get divorced so you can be free to find someone who is more compatible with you.

    While sex isn't everything- it IS an important ingredient to a healthy marriage. If you are expected to be a monogamous couple, then she owes it to you to tell you the truth. Withholding sex without discussion or effort to change (therapy) is not in ANY way healthy. You tried giving her time and have been patient, but now it's becoming unreasonable- unless she agrees to counseling to work thru it with you. But for her to just sit there and say, " Who knows when I may or may not be ready" is not fair, kind, loving or respectful to you. She has a choice to make- Therapy or divorce. The end.

    Things as are they are now will not last. Without this discussion- one or both of you will eventually reach a breaking point. Best to figure it out NOW before it reaches that point.
    Unfortunately the answer is no to both questions.

    I have been to counselling twice myself now but she has no desire to attend and again unfortunately Iím still being told by her that she doesnít know why she feels this way.

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