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Thread: Ex wants to take things slow- Thoughts?

  1. #1

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    Ex wants to take things slow- Thoughts?

    After over a month of being apart, my ex who broke up with me, reached out. We talked for two days before eventually meeting up.

    The night we met up, she brought up missing me, telling me she still loved me, and that being apart was really hard for her. She mentioned that she is still hurt by some things that happened in our relationship that led to the break up. It sounded as if she was considering wanting to get back with me so I told her we do not have to rush things. She agreed and thanked me.

    First week- Her and I were in constant communication and hung out almost everyday. After the first day of seeing each other, she went back to telling me she loved me. However, over the next week I noticed a change in the way we texted- she seemed more distant (I know shes been busy studying as she is in nursing school) and not as affectionate towards me; although we were still hanging out some days. In person it seemed better but still kind of hard to gage at times how she was feeling. As she stopped telling me she loved me all together unless I said it first.

    This past weekend she brought up that we were taking things too fast (which I agree with) however, clarified that we are not quite back together even though that was my thought based on how we initially talked to each other. She owned up to that and apologized for the poor communication.

    She explained to me that she was confused as to what she wants right now. She for once wants to put herself first and to focus on nursing school which has been very stressful on her and she is afraid that she may not pass. She was not saying we cant get back together but that when we agreed on taking things slow, she wanted me to take her out on dates and woe her- something we never got to do the first time (we did a lot of just hanging out). She also said she was scared things might go back to the way they were so shed rather take it day by day and see how things progress.

    We talked it out and everything was fine. Right after the talk, we kissed and she mentioned a few times she loved me- which she hadnt said to me in a week. The next day she asked if I wanted to grab lunch. Afterwards, we went back to her place for a bit (still bringing me around her family). As I left, we kissed each other good bye and she said she loved me. Obviously we are not taking things slow and I am just so confused as to what is going on. She seems to be all over the place. She is the one initiating the I love yous. And we even openly kiss in front of her family when Im over. For the record, I dont care too much about taking things slow. Im trying to be understanding of the situation but not being able to commit doesnt sit well with me. just seems odd for her to act that way immediately after saying were taking things too fast.

    What are your thoughts on this??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It probably depends on what "taking things slow" means to either of you. Her kisses might be one of familiarity and comfort, something that reminds her of some normalcy between the both of you. I think what she means by taking it slow (for her) is not to overwhelm each other with texts or phone calls.

    Her plate seems full also with her studies so respect that time she needs studying. If she doesn't pass that might mean she's in no shape to date while she rewrites her courses or exams all over again. She will be even more strained than she is now if she fails her courses.If you really care about her and love her, keep a healthy distance, remain supportive and encouraging, positive and on track with your own career, engage with your own hobbies and work and don't smother each other.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She wants you to go with the flow and in a relationship based upon her terms, not yours.

    You need to ask her directly regarding your concerns. Don't play guessing games. Ask her clear questions and get answers from her. If she's evasive then it's back to status quo and you have to tolerate your relationship with her as is.

    You're on standby.

    Talk to her, have an in depth, lengthy, in person conversation for her to figure out where her head's at.

    She's swamped with nursing school so be prepared to not even be secondary in her life. She has other more serious priorities right now such as education and career. Either take a back seat and remain patient or leave the relationship.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She doesn't seem interested in reconciling. This could be the friendzone if she's just lonely. It sounds like her focus on school is her main concern, as it should be. It seems she was quite dissatisfied with just hanging out and since it's heading there again you can expect her to distance herself gradually.
    Originally Posted by Arbee10
    She also said she was scared things might go back to the way they were so shed rather take it day by day and see how things progress.

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