Jump to content

How do you deal with an ex who won't leave you alone?


SavanahGram

Recommended Posts

I am busy right now with school, work and living on my own. So this is just causing me unnecessary stress and anxiety. It took me some time to really be strong and put my foot down and break up with him firmly. But my ex boyfriend messaged me that he had some things he bought for me before and that he just wanted to give it to me. In my mind, I was trying to be fair, like I suppose it's a reasonable request. But I have an uncomfortable feeling in my gut like he probably like it could just be manipulation. I still told him okay we can meet, maybe later because I'm busy now. And then he is asking me again and I told him that I don't want anything from him, I just want him to leave me alone; we are no longer together. But then he says that he bought it for me, wants me to have and has no expectations. He acts like he just woke up from an epiphany and is a better person. He says "he would really appreciate it if we could meet for some food, there's stuff I want to get off my chest." I don't understand it; we've been going through this for the past 2 months. What else would he say that he hasn't said already? And he ends it with "You don't have to ever see me again and I won't message you." At this point I find it very difficult to trust him. Because ever since I first tried to leave him like 2 months ago, his actions never really matched his words. He'd always say he's over it, then would come back and say he can't handle it; and manipulate me into changing my mind. I just don't know if there's any point to replying to him because I am 100% out of time and energy to deal with this anymore. I have a feeling I should block him. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated!

Link to comment

Having come of age, and spent most of my life, before "blocking" was an option I've always seen it as kind of unnecessary. I've found that telling someone I need space and will no longer be communicating as I heal has generally worked. Sure, maybe there's another message or two that comes through, since emotions are sometimes crazy, but when you don't respond to those the message tends to be received. When you do respond to them, as you've learned, you're kind of undercutting your own words.

 

That said, blocking is certainly an effective means of ensuring that you don't get calls and text messages from someone, and it can certainly send that someone the message that you'd rather not talk to them. So if for whatever reason you're struggling to not respond to him as he's struggling to stop contacting you—sure, block him for a bit, or forever. Your call. In the long run it's likely healthiest for both of you.

Link to comment

You're the one who just said that you don't have time or energy and fear manipulation. If that's truly the case, you'd behave appropriately and shut down any communications with this person. Take care of yourself and do the obvious.

 

Are you feeling something you're not sharing explicitly also? For example, do you enjoy his attention now after he didn't show you the attention or love that you felt you deserved earlier?

Link to comment

I would tell him one last time via text that you prefer not to meet nor receive gifts. Tell him respectfully and kindly. Request that he honor your request and if not, forewarn him that he will be blocked. I think it's fair as opposed to being abrupt, terse and curt. There is a way to handle this diplomatically. Handle it with class.

Link to comment

Unfortunately you still want to hear from him and see him hoping you reconcile or for the attention or simply to drag things out. Otherwise you would have deleted and blocked him from all social media and messaging apps or simply stopped responding/communicating.

 

When you are ready for it to really be over, you'll do that. It sounds like you are playing the on/off game, not broken up.

my ex boyfriend messaged me that he had some things he bought for me before and that he just wanted to give it to me.
Link to comment

Blocking is fine.

 

If he persists in bugging you, send him a certified letter telling him to go away.

 

Document everything he does -- date & time, what he says etc. Then if after you send the certified letter, he persists, you can go to the police seeking charges for stalking & harassment, possibly a restraining order with evidence: Your log & the green card for the letter.

Link to comment

She can not go to the police and blame him for her actions which are entertaining his contact repeatedly. She has made zero effort to cease contact. The police are not there for teen drama.

 

Document everything he does -- date & time, what he says etc. Then if after you send the certified letter, he persists, you can go to the police seeking charges for stalking & harassment, possibly a restraining order with evidence:

Link to comment
She can not go to the police and blame him for her actions which are entertaining his contact repeatedly. She has made zero effort to cease contact. The police are not there for teen drama.

 

You misunderstand or I wasn't clear. Once she has ignored him but documented his continued unwelcome attempts to contact her AND sent him a cease & desist letter, then she can seek intervention from the authorities. That is a last resort, not the 1st step.

Link to comment

He can't manipulate you unless you are open to being manipulated, which clearly you have been, and is the exact reason he is now ignoring your vague protests.

 

If you want him to stop, then you need to be completely and totally clear with him that it is done and you want to stop all forms of communication. In the words of Nancy Reagan... Just. Say. No.

Link to comment

My cousin in law enforcement told me that I would have to send a very clear message to the ex who kept messaging me. I had to tell him his contact was unwelcome and I wanted him to stop.

 

However, if you're agreeing to see him it's hard to believe he "won't leave you alone". You are sending mixed messages.

Link to comment

Are you sure you don’t still have feelings for him? Obviously you still want him to contact you or talk to you because if you truly didn’t then you would cut off all contact and not respond to any of his attempts to contact you. You are clearly sending him mixed signals and I believe it’s because you aren’t totally sure you want him out of your life, but you are being selfish and unfair to him by leading him on and toying with his emotions. I understand love is crazy sometimes but if you are still unsure if you want him in your life still or not, and you are entertaining his attempts to reach out to you, then you can’t be mad at him for not leaving you alone

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...