Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: My best friend's boyfriend is super clingy

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    4

    My best friend's boyfriend is super clingy

    Hey everyone. I'm in a situation that I'm not really sure how to navigate. My best friend has recently started dating this guy for about 6 months now. In the beginning of their relationship, he was distant and not really sure about his feelings, which upset me because it felt like he was leading her on, and now all of the sudden he's super in love, EXTREMELY clingy and gets upset/sad when she doesn't text or call him back right away. I think it's unfair that he went from barely calling at all to calling her 5 times in a row out of nowhere and blowing up her phone with texts. She's a people pleaser and she tries to do what she can to get through school (she's an astrophysics major, so the workload is insane), keep her boyfriend happy and stay in touch with friends. She tells me she gets annoyed at times and sometimes she feels like breaking it off, but he recently introduced her to his entire family and she feels trapped in because of that. I believe that she does love him and wants to be able to juggle everything, but I think this is SUPER unhealthy and I don't know how to help her. The dude bawls every time she leaves which is ridiculous. He knows that I don't like him and she's told me a few times that he's afraid of me, but she doesn't want me to say anything because she knows I'll verbally destroy him LMAO. She's strong and I know that she's barely staying afloat now, but I worry that down the line she could break down. We haven't talked a whole lot recently because she's been so occupied with everything, which I completely understand, and I just feel horrible for watching this happen. I'm not sure whether it is best to let her deal with her own business or do what I can to be there and support her. As a best friend, you always want what's best for them and for them to be happy, and I know she deserves a stable relationship where she has her own breathing room, so I really don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,283
    Gender
    Female
    This is a lesson she needs to learn on her own. You can't do it for her.
    You can be there to support her but trying to influence her one way or another will likely alienate you from her.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,966
    Gender
    Male
    Does she complain to you about him too much? Do not communicate with him. At All. If she starts complaining again just say "do whatever you think is best for you", then change the subject. Do you have a BF? Try to spend more time with other friends and stay out of her business.
    Originally Posted by jj1257
    he went from barely calling at all to calling her 5 times in a row out of nowhere and blowing up her phone with texts. She tells me she gets annoyed at times and sometimes she feels like breaking it off, but he recently introduced her to his entire family and she feels trapped in because of that.

    He knows that I don't like him and she's told me a few times that he's afraid of me

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,201
    Gender
    Female
    Sometimes it's easier to look at things from another perspective. Ask your friend this...what advice would she give you if you were in her position.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    4
    Yeah, she does complain about him pretty often which is why this was an issue.
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Does she complain to you about him too much? Do not communicate with him. At All. If she starts complaining again just say "do whatever you think is best for you", then change the subject. Do you have a BF? Try to spend more time with other friends and stay out of her business.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    219
    Iíd be super careful! In these situations it is easy for you to become ďthe bad guyĒ. I recently had something similar with a cousin, end of day had to let her make her own choices. Hard but better than getting in the way and becoming the target.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    711
    Gender
    Female
    You can validate her opinion about his behavior and tell her it doesn't sound healthy, but ultimately, she has to make the decision.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,421
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by jj1257
    We haven't talked a whole lot recently because she's been so occupied with everything, which I completely understand, and I just feel horrible for watching this happen.
    I'd encourage you to explore more of your own feelings and misgivings and your friendship as a whole. I think the underlying problem is that she doesn't seem to have as much time for you.

    Learn to distance yourself a little. Just as he may come across as strange and overbearing, you don't want to mimic what he's doing either. If she's your best friend, treat her like one. Your best friend should be your equal. She doesn't need your intervention or your great wisdom and she may have her own. Don't let this period in your lives affect your friendship overall.

    I don't believe he began calling her suddenly out of nowhere. There may have been a change in the relationship dynamics that you're not aware of. He may have found out information about her or they might have shared something together that is between them only. If she hasn't told you the details, she's being discreet and respecting her relationship. Be more respectful of their relationship.

    Friendships do evolve and there will be periods where you don't appear to touch base as often. If you are feeling neglected and upset that your time spent together has taken a backseat, you're going to have to adult through that and manage your expectations as you both evolve and grow older. Definitely look into spending time with others, engaging in more hobbies, being around different people and socializing with others outside of this friendship. I think you're really unhappy with the way she's distracted right now. Work through that.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,438
    You're not in any situation. If she wants to keep whining about a situation she refuses to change, tell her it's getting old.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,185
    Thereís nothing you can really do, OP.

    If youíre getting tired of hearing it, change the topic of conversation. If she persists and it grates on you, let her know you want to be patient and understanding but you canít help her if she isnít willing to help herself. You might need to be direct and tell her you donít wish to discuss him and their problems anymore.

    Sheís evidently a smart girl. She knows this isnít normal behavior for an adult, but sheís also choosing to stay. Thatís something she needs to reconcile with herself.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •