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Thread: Date Going Through Hard Time

  1. #1

    Date Going Through Hard Time

    I met a guy online nearly a year ago and we hit it off but never went on a date. We値l call him M for anonymity. Fast forward to about two weeks ago, he reaches out to me and we reconnect. We went on a date and I know we both had a good time.

    I learned that his father recently passed away following months of health problems. I知 not sure exactly how recently but I know his memorial is still being planned.

    M explained to me after our date that he had thought a distraction might be good for him, but he realized that the planning of his father痴 memorial is too emotionally difficult to worry about any kind of relationship. I completely understood this, so I told him we could just text. My secret hope is that one day when he痴 feeling better we値l be able to go out again, which I know is horribly selfish.

    Should I send M flowers or something like that? I just feel awful that he is so deep in this sad place right now.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You only went on one date, so simply offer your condolences but do not feel obligated to do more. It sounds like he may be in another relationship or just not that interested.
    Originally Posted by Kenziequeen
    I met a guy online nearly a year ago. We went on a date

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I wouldn't call your hope "selfish." It's human. You went on a date with a guy you thought was cool, would like to see again. Unfortunately, that guy is not in a place to date right now and was honest and respectful in explaining why.

    Maybe he reaches out when the smoke clears, maybe not. That's that. The fact that he's told you he's not in a place to date right now should make you less interested, not more, in dating him right now. So son't try to secretly cultivate that future through texting him while he's grieving, but just trust that if you're meant to see each other again you will. In the meantime, go back to living your life, meeting others, and all that.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't buy it. How long does it take to plan a memorial? It sounds like world class BS.

    If he was interested in you, he would keep dating you, despite his father's memorial.

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  6. #5
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    It is quite probable that he was dating other women in year since you first connected, possibly been in a relationship.

    With online dating most people are chatting to multiple people at the same time and trying to find their best match possible. If he has waited nearly a year before deciding to meet you, and then told you that he is not interested in a relationship... that tells me that he is just not that into you, whether the dead father thing is true or not.

    Don't get too invested in this guy. You are already way too attached. Just express condolences and leave him be.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    I don't buy it. How long does it take to plan a memorial? It sounds like world class BS.

    If he was interested in you, he would keep dating you, despite his father's memorial.
    Disagree.

    When Iost my mother the last thing I was thinking of was finding a romantic partner.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Disagree.

    When Iost my mother the last thing I was thinking of was finding a romantic partner.
    That may be true, but the guy is the one who made contact with her for a date and allegedly had a good time. I think that if he had been into her, he would have just told her he needed some time, but would like to see her again in the future, which he didn't do.

  9. #8
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    Complete wast of time!

    You only went out on one date! Do you always get attached to men so early?

    Move on.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I did OLD for several years in the past. Never continue communicating with anyone if he has gone more than two weeks without asking to get together. You're wasting your time and emotional energy into a stranger, when you could be out in the world seeking more viable partners. OLD is obviously not working for you, so try other venues. Look at Meetup.com for activities in your area. Join a co-ed sports team. Volunteer at places single guy veer toward like Habitat for Humanity or Environmental Cleanups.

    Never stick around hoping for a major change like a guy's circumstances will change and he will finally be ready to start up a romance with you. Busy yourself by finding a guy who is ready right now.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    M explained to me after our date that he had thought a distraction might be good for him, but he realized that the planning of his father痴 memorial is too emotionally difficult to worry about any kind of relationship.
    He is emotionally unavailable and telling you he doesn't want a relationship. I don't know how long you have been OLD... in my experience this means he isn't interested.

    I would simply send him on his way with some kind words... and move on with your life.

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