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Thread: Date Going Through Hard Time

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Kenzie, would you please clarify why the both of you didn't meet up earlier?

    I'd hold the flowers (don't send anything at this time). If you spend time together again, take the passing of his father into consideration. Manage your expectations a little better regarding the circumstances and don't read into things too much. I'd still be interested in knowing why you didn't meet much earlier.

  2. #12
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    Flowers would be too much. You don't have that much of a connection. You could send a sympathy card.

    Since he waited a year, then reached out, I suppose it's possible he might come back later when the angst dissipates. It's not selfish. But you do need to recognize that he's in no place to get into a relationship with you right now.

  3. #13
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    Don't send anything. You don't know this guy.

    I am also curious why you did not date earlier?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Put this guy on the back burner and date other men. You don't need to put yourself on hold because he's going through something personal. Always keep your options open.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Remove rose colored glasses please.... This guy just told you to your face that he only reached out to you to use you and once done, promptly told you he isn't looking for more. Not only that, but it took him a year, aka he finally ran out of better options, to reach out to use you. This is not a prize catch or prince charming, although I have no doubt he was quite charming on your date, as these types tend to be. Write him off and toss him into the trash can.

    Assuming that the father story is even true, no do not send anything. You are strangers and it would incredibly weird and desperate on your part. After one date, don't start acting like a gf.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yes, sending flowers is a very gracious gesture and your way of expressing your condolences. Most definitely.

    I remember when my father passed away. It took many months for me to feel some semblance of normalcy and truth be told, actually, it took a few years before past memories of him began to blur. I'm not saying it will take years for you to reconnect with M, however, be prepared for any length of time before he is ready to resume contact with you.

    I would back off with texting and let him be the rhythm whether electronic communication ebbs and flows. His emotional state is like a train wreck right now and will be for a long time. He is grief stricken and there's nothing to be done about this except to give the bereft a lot of SPACE and time. In other words, back off because it shows respect to give others their space and time.

    Should he reach out to you on his own accord, then follow his lead. Emotional people are unstable and highly sensitive. It's best to stay out of his way until he comes around one day and then you'll have to be prepared to walk on eggshells for awhile. Hopefully, not too long though. You never know.

    Do the right thing and leave him alone. When he's ready, he'll be receptive and hopefully resume dating. Until then, exercise discretion.

  8. #17
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    This guy has been aloof and on the fence both times you encountered each other, both times, him backing off. I really don't think you should hold out a whole lot of hope for this one. Nothing came about the first time, and nothing is coming about the second time. If you desire to lob texts and be a pen pal, okay, but don't get yourself wrapped up in him. Pursue your life and pursue other relationships. Sorry to be a downer, but I really don't hold out much hope for this one. When things don't take off the first time, the outcome is rarely different the second time, and what makes you think the third time will be any different? So you want to give it a try, you never know, but again, don't put to much stock in it.

    Flowers are too much. Maybe a card. Text if you want. I suspect he likes the idea of a relationship, but actually having one is another story, or maybe he's playing the field or already in a relationship...maybe his life is just too messy, and will it ever resolve? You're on round two with this guy and it's falling flat a second time...don't get wrapped up in a maybe.

  9. #18
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    To recap - a guy who blew you off for a year, then reconnected for one date but the word "relationship" is already in your description and you seem very caught up in this stranger's life while feeling "awful" about what he's going through. Slow down. You may want to take a time to reflect if you are someone who may be on the needy or desperate for a relationship side of things. You don't know this guy. Give things time to see who he really is.

    In the meantime, it sounds like you acknowledged the situation with condolences through returning his text, that is more than enough. A passing of a family member is difficult not only for the funeral or memorial planning but also all of the post-responsibilities that often come up as well. Let things be, hopefully you have other prospects to date than be caught up on everything going on with this one date guy.

  10. #19
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    Well, it is possible that he did just catch up with you to distract himself from his troubles and it could be that he's not that interested/emotionally unavailable. Definitely don't send the flowers because if he's not interested, it could come across as too full-on and make him feel awkward and like he owes you something. I think it is OK to send your condolences but try to play it cool. You could say something like: "I had a fun time with you but I totally understand that you're going through a hard time right now. I'm sorry about your loved one's death. I'd be happy to hang out again when you're ready". But after that I think you just have to leave it. You can show him that you're mature and are going to give him space. It's a good impression to give. After that it's up to him if he wants to contact you or not. Don't contact him again because he's asked for some space and the ball is in his court.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    There's no way I'd pre-message someone for a month, muchless a year. That's just fantasy-building with someone who lives inside his head. Skip that. Set up a bunch of quick coffee meets on your way home from work to meet men who are actually invested in dating for the same reasons you are. Check one another out for 15 to 30 minutes with an agreement that neither can corner the other into accepting a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, if not, then no response is necessary.

    Get out of your own head and into real life with people who are willing to meet you there. This guy does not qualify.

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