Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Red flags

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    9

    Red flags

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half. Lately she has been giving me cold shoulder. She takes a while to respond to my texts or if she does, itís just a word or two response, she goes out with her friends but when I ask if she wants go out she says shes fasting, dieting, or no.

    Her company is laying off her department. She had a phone interview today and she tells me this now. I get a bit frustrated and asked why she didnít tell me about her interview before. She responds with, she didnít want any pressure if the interview went bad so she didnít want to tell me.

    I feel like she doesnít respect me anymore and itís making me insecure about myself and questioning if Iím making things worse.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,411
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not sure... maybe you're a little pushy? I'm not sure why she has to tell you about her phone interview. It's just a phone interview and she might not even be sure it's a position she's ultimately interested in. Do you know if she is?

    I'd relax a bit more and let her come to you. Don't get up in her business or insist she report to you about her job situation. Touch base every now and then. Do you live together or are things very serious between you two?

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    134
    Gender
    Female
    I don't know why her behavior makes you doubt yourself. You aren't causing her behavior. Even if she is pulling away, it's because something in her changed.

    Taking a while to respond to texts is not terrible. Not everybody is glued to their phone, especially at work.

    She's probably in a dark place right now, not sure if she's about to lose her job. It would be better if she relied on you but she's scared. Be supportive.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    9
    We are in a serious relationship. Weíre both 29. Im not looking for her to report back to me about everything. I give her privacy. I just found it a bit weird she didnít tell me about an interview she was going to have beforehand.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,246
    Gender
    Male
    Do you think you'd have found it weird if you weren't already a bit edgy from a shift in her demeanor?

    I get the sense that you're kind of looking for a way to talk to her about feeling like things are off, but maybe instead of just saying that in a calm, direct way that is loving and supportive you used the interview as an "in" without actually bringing up what's really bothering you.

    We can't tell you if she's having a sudden change in feelings, if she's just a bit stressed, and so on. Only she can do that. But better to communicate directly, and openly, than to find proxies as the confusion and potential resentment quietly builds. Approaching things sideways tends to just make everything go more sideways, you know?

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    65
    dump her now

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,411
    Gender
    Female
    Yes, please be more direct.

    I have chosen not to say anything about any interviews to anyone I know in the past. It's for any number of reasons and treat it as a series of negotiations that have no bearing yet as they have not come about.

    She doesn't need your input either or interview help unless she's asked for it in the past. This is her business so give her some room there. I understand you're put off and unsure about your role in the serious relationship. Don't nitpick on this. It'll backfire.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,750
    Gender
    Female
    I think the fact she didn't tell you about the interview is just a symptom of a problem you see developing in the relationship and not the actual problem.

    Op: Do You feel she is pulling away, losing interest in you in general and that not telling you something important like a job interview is just cementing that feeling in you?

    Have you talked to her about how you are feeling?

  10. #9
    Member SixOfOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Location
    NC by way of TX
    Posts
    53
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Ayes
    She takes a while to respond to my texts or if she does, itís just a word or two response...
    ...I feel like she doesnít respect me anymore and itís making me insecure about myself and questioning if Iím making things worse.
    After she dumps you for being so needy you'll wish you were getting any response from her at all, ever, to texts or anything else. You should pay more attention to your own self-respect and her respect will follow. She can't make you feel insecure about yourself; only you can do that. Back up and take a good look at yourself if you want to continue to have this person in your life.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    159
    I don't think it's needy for wondering why her text communication has diminished/shortened from what it's been until recently. I too would wonder why someone I'd been in a serious relationship with for 18 months wouldn't share with me the good news that they'd secured a telephone interview (although her reason for waiting is plausible).

    She's making excuses not to go places together, though, and when you add that to the other things that aren't sitting right with you, it sounds like she's withdrawing from the relationship without actually being bold enough to call it a day.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •